What About Your Friends

I have a friend who seems to think it is okay to share my personal business with her family. I’ve shared some of my relationship issues with her in hopes that she would give me her advice. I never knew she was telling her family my business. The other day I was speaking to her about an issue with my man and she says, “My aunt Marilyn said she don’t know why you still with him, she said she gonna add you to her prayer list. Marilyn said you are way too nice to be with a man like that.”

First of all let me say that I do not have a personal relationship with Aunt Marilyn and have only met her a handful of times. We most certainly have not swapped secrets, not to mention Auntie is at least 60 years old…way out of my age demographics as far as friends go.

So when she said this I looked at her crazy but did not respond. My behavior towards her has changed, I know longer share my information with her anymore. Our relationship is not as personal as it used to be. I barely call her anymore. Needless to say I was pissed when I found out that she thought it was a good idea to share my information with her family. Not to mention that she was so cool with it she even thought it was a good idea to tell me that she was putting my business in the street.
I am not really a catty woman and I don’t believe that all women are two faced and want to bring other women down. There is a myth out there that women can’t get along with other women and I do not believe that to be true.
I do believe there are some people who are insecure with themselves and find it refreshing to speak ill of others to make themselves feel a little better, especially when it comes to the relationship front. I also believe that these same people are people who are in most need of friends but are incapable of keeping them due to their own self destructive behavior.

I now tell this friend nothing but good things about my relationship. I even make up stuff sometimes to give the illusion that my relationship is the greatest thing since slice bread. I try to make it so sweet that it becomes sickening. I do this on purpose; this seems to be a person that won’t spread good news, only bad. It’s a shame that I do this but I rather do this and talk to her less frequently than to cuss her ass out and make her feel stupid.
All friends are built differently some are all around good people, while others are only good for one thing or another. There are some lessons I am still learning.

Love and Hip Hot Atlanta

One of guilty pleasures is watching Love and Hip Hop Atlanta. Yes, I know this show makes every self righteous black conscience, black aware person cringe. But hey, it is funny, sad, amusing and entertaining for me to watch. After watching the latest episode I was appalled and more than a little upset.

One of the shows main characters K. Michelle (KM) was speaking to some young lady about domestic violence and her experiences around the issue. KM alleges that one of her ex-boyfriends abused her and spent up a great deal of her advance money on frivolous things like jewelry. She seems to be stuck in that place where she can’t get past what happened to her. The wound is very fresh as she still cries every time she speaks about it, if she is not crying she seems to shows veracious anger when talking our the situation.

The ex-boy friend now is married to another one of the main characters (Rasheeda) good friend. Rasheeda decided to tell KM that she doesn’t believe that she was actually abused by her ex-boyfriend and she thought KM was exaggerating. Of course all that anger spilled out and KM told her that it did happened and that she was not there so how could she say what really happened. KM starting yelling and crying and eventually stormed off.
This ticked me off because as women we are so quick to judge each other. I know Rasheeda probably felt some sort of loyalty to her friend and wanted to go on record to say she didn’t believe it, but was that the right thing….absolutely NOT. How does she know that her friend is not getting abused physically and/or emotionally? What does she know about this man in his past relationships and behaviors towards women?

I have been in an abusive relationship before and trust me I was not running around telling my friends that I getting beat up weekly and verbally abused daily. It wasn’t until I was ready to end that relationship that I revealed the truth. In the end I was angrier at myself than him because I tolerated the abuse, because I stayed and allowed myself to be mistreated. All abusers are not the same, but the truth is until a person seeks help they will always abuse at some point.

As women we need to stop making judgments and be more supportive towards one another. I am particularly concerned about black women, we speak so ill of one another, we have a serious jealously problem as well as no solidarity. We bash each other without a second thought, we are our own greatest enemy.

The Olympics Are Over ....

So the Olympics are over and truly the women ruled the games. American women came to win and they really showed the world that we are strong, beautiful, talented and truly amazing!!!! However, even with all that celebrating going on there was indeed some hating in the atmosphere as well. Gabby is a 16 year old African American Princess who won two gold medals and was the first African American to win all round best gymnast and all black women could do is talk about how nappy her hair was. Are you fucking kidding me. This young lady made history and we gonna talk about the condition of her hair. First of all there is nothing wrong with her hair, most of us can barely do a damn cartwheel and will break out in a sweat just walking from the parking lot to our jobs. This young lady was ranked as THE BEST IN THE WORLD, and believe me that takes breaking a sweat. Gabby I appreciate you, thank you for showing other girls that if they focus on the inside and do what they love and put in a great deal of hard work they too can be an absolute success. While we were talking about how nappy her hair was. The main stream media kept talking about how her mama was broke and how her daddy left the mom and they were in the process of a divorce. They also had the nerve to try to determine if Gabby's dad was entitled to some of her earnings. Main stream American mind yo bidness! Whatever is going on in the Douglas home does not concern you are me. Yea her mama might be broke do you know how much it takes to training and prepare for the Olympics. It is very costly. Hell more than half of America is broke right now do what is the big deal. I have never seen people go after a person like they went after Gabby and her family and people it is really unfair. Next up is Lolo. Lolo was accused of being overexposed and outshining the rest of the rest of the American track and field team. She did not win the gold and as if that was not devastating enough she was ripped to shreds by some sports writers. Trust me you do not feel as bad as Lolo does. She is quoted as saying “I worked six days a week, every day, for four years for a 12-second race and the fact that they just tore me apart,” she said, struggling with her words. “It was just heartbreaking.” Lolo my heart goes out to you know that if you did your best that is all we can expect. Winning is great but there are many that did not make it as far as you did and many of us are still proud of you and are happy to have you represent our country. Ms. bootieful Serena really served it up and won the gold. After winning Serena did a little dance that many referred to as the "Crip Walk". This is a dance that is suppose to be synonymous with the Crip gang. Seeing that she is from Compton, Ca I guess everyone might have thought she was bigging up the Crips. Now I know and you know that Serena aint no damn Crip. Hell my little 8 year old nephew has done that dance and I know damn well he aint no crip. If you won something as big as an Olympic gold medal you might do a little gig too. People grow the hell up she was simply celebrating and having a good time. I salute you Serena for an excellent job well done.

Coupledom Is Crazy

I used to envy my married friends. I always wanted a person that I can count on and come home to everyday. I wanted a person in my life that knew me inside and out, a person that really loved the very essence of me. A man that I could fall asleep in his arms every night and we can pay our bills together and go on exotic vacations with one another. I would be able to tell him my darkest secrets and it wouldn’t faze him in the least. He would also share things with me as well. I would be his rock and he would be mine. In my fantasy world this was what a marriage was all about. Well now that am damn near knee deep in the almost married life I can’t lie and say that there are times that I want to escape in the middle of the night like a slave. Never did my fantasy include unemployment, the high price of gas and food, the fact that everything is not always 50/50. There are times when I’ve looked at my man and wondered if he was retarded…….FOR REAL. Sometimes he says and does some of the stupidest shit and my stomach feels like it’s in knots and I wanna scream you’re on your own partner! When you have been single for most of your adult life or not in a really serious relationship for years it is hard to constantly consider the partner in your life. When you’re used to flying solo it is hard to listen to the back seat driver that won’t shut the hell up. Trust me I love the guy I really do , but it is not always peaches and cream. It’s really hard work, walking away seems like a vacation sometimes. I knew it was going to be a challenge with him relocating in this rough economy but I never knew that I would feel like I was on a see-saw. There are times when I am at work and I can’t wait to get home to him. Then there are times when I can’t wait to leave the house and have a good stiff drink with my girls……FAR AWAY from him. It’s not about the money at all it’s more about the lack of space and me time that I have. I find that I have to schedule time with my friends because I have to now consider what he wants to do. I have to give him time or he will have a fit. Now I have to suffer through the man shows like Pawn Shop shows, those locked up shows that come on MSMBC, storage wars, alligator catchers, shark catchers, and nick at night. I have to shut myself in the other room to watch Lifetime, HGTV, VH1 and all the rest of my dramas. Then there is the cooking. The man eats like a beast. Food can last me awhile, but this brother eats like he has a tape worm growing in his tummy. I am often left looking at him like he is crazy when he gets a second plate. I know it sounds crazy but it’s just irritating. LOL is this normal?

Hello..... Its been a minute

Oh my goodness its been awhile since we last spoke. Ya girl has been so busy it has been hard to post on a daily basis. I'm still in graduate school and it is so much harder than the last time I was in school. It takes a great deal of brain power to get to the finish line. Today I was tired when the professor asked me a question I just said, " I don't know". I didn't feel like pretending like I knew something I didn't. Luckily for me he moved on to the next person. Then my fiance has officially moved to St. Louis . What more can I say....this man has turned my quiet life upside down. I now have to remember that I am in a full fledged relationship,no longer is he all the way out in LA and I can hang out with my girls all the time. Homeboy want ALL of my attention and I must admit it is exhausting. I forgot how much men expect sex... honestly I be too tired to do it every day. Then there is the job. While I am grateful for my job saying it sucks just doesn't give it justice. I don't totally hate my job but I truly wish I was doing something more productive, fun and different. It always seems like its management vs workers, it can truly be a hostile environment at times. When I leave I am stressed the hell out. My wedding plans have been put on hold until we are in a better financial position. At first I was mad then I thought how the hell can I be mad when money is the issue and I don't have enough to have the kind of shindig I want. Mama and Daddy aint helping either so we will wait. My life seems so full right now that I barely have time to sleep. But life is good even with all the problems and issues... life is still pretty good. Look forward to post picking back up soon. I just wanted to say hello to you all.

Student Loan Debt Bomb

I have been hearing so much about student loans lately and all the negative aspects of a weak job market. I have a ton of student loans and I must admit I am super nervous about my repayment options. Right now I could not afford to repay what I actually owe. I was hoping to obtain a great job that pays more money than I currently make. Of course this is merely a hope and not quite based in the real reality of the current job market. I had my first interview for an entry level position in my field of Finance, I never heard back. I thought it was a bit rude, but I was told this was the new normal in job searching. Companies are not even bothering with the………..thanks but no thanks type of deal. Well many students are facing this every day. They spent a ton of money getting that fancy pants degree and now it seems to be just a piece of paper hanging in a nice frame next to your high school graduation photo on your mama’s wall. Many finance experts say the next financial explosion will come from the massive amount of student debt that has been financed by the government. Many predict that if the job market does not improve that the government will see a massive amount of student loan defaults. It will not be very long before the government has provided 1 trillion dollars in student loans. Experts say this default could be worse than the housing bubble. But what are students suppose to do. I was listening to NPR and they asked the question “Why so many people with PHD’s are on food stamps?” http://www.npr.org/2012/05/15/152751116/why-so-many-ph-d-s-are-on-food-stamps?ps=cprs

My guess is the same reason Lakeysia down the block is on food stamps………….THEY ARE BROKE and still need to eat. Now mainstream media want to focus on poverty and debt, when it was a minority issue it was not a problem. But guess what…………bad credit, payday loans, cash for gold, disconnection notices, EBT cards, unemployment checks and Medicaid has shown up on the white side of town. Now it is an official got-damn problem. Actually one guy blamed poor folks for this dilemma, he stated that poor people have started getting degrees in massive numbers and that is the reason for tall the student loan debt. While that may be true, poor people were lead to believe if they got an education it would be worth the investment to get the loans. But we did not anticipate being in a recession for years. Currently student loans have to be repaid… if not there are consequences and repercussions. The government can garnish your wages, put a lien on your home, take your income tax check, and ruin your credit. I do believe this will be a situation that the American people will have to deal with at some point.

War On Women 2012

I was watching CNN (not sure of the show just turned on the TV) and the host was saying that Romney gets the pulse of women from his wife Ann. Apparently Ann told him that right now women are mostly concerned with jobs for their children as well as jobs for themselves. Ann told her husband that the economy is women's greatest concern right now.

Democratic strategist Hilary Rosen then said what does Ann know about what working women are concerned with when she never worked a day in her life. Hilary stated that Ann has no idea what it is like to be an average everyday woman going to work and trying to figure out how she is going to feed her kids and pay the mortgage. She did not think it was a good idea for Ann to be advising her husband on women issue when she could only come for the point of a rich housewife.

I must agree with both Hilary and Ann. Yes if you are a working woman you are greatly concerned about the economy. But I also agree with Hilary, Ann don't know shit about a working woman's struggle. But that is not to demean what a stay at home Mom does. I know that a stay at home Mom sacrifice her ambition to be a Mom. I know that her contribution to the home mostly goes unnoticed and that she receives not pay for her work.

But the real part of me says if your man makes enough money for you to stay at home then you are not that damn financially strapped. I live and work around people who are struggling to survive. I see people trying to keep their home, trying to keep the repo man off their cars, trying to figure out how the hell they gonna get their kids to college without coming out with massive debt. Most of the Moms I know are single and Ann sure as hell cant tell their story.

Right now Americans want this damn economy fixed and we don't give a fuck who fix it. I personally want to see Obama do a second term but I admit I was a bit taken back when the democrats tried to distance themselves from Hilary Rosen. They starting to act all shy again. Yes women voters are a big part of the pie and no one wants to offend them. But the truth is the truth and aint no backing down from the truth