Okay I absolutely love my man. I really do...why else would I be dating a man on the West Coast and I am living in the Mid-West. It goes without saying that it is very challenging keeping things straight when we are so far apart. So anyway I go out to LA last week and we having a fairly good time and he mention that I put on a little weight. The weight issue is very sensitive to me and I can go from 0 to 100 in a matter of seconds when I am questioned about my weight. He said, " you need to lose a few pounds because I don't think it is healthy for you to be gaining too much weight." I'm not even going to mention that I lost 10 pounds since the last time I saw him. The last time we saw each other he didn't mention a damn thing about my weight.
Of course I brushed it off but it bugged the hell out of me all night. Next thing I know I am in the bathroom looking at my body and thinking all kinds of negative thoughts. But I know that I have lost 20 pounds in the last 3 months so I snatch those negative thoughts out of my head.
I figure he don't know what the hell he is talking about and quickly go back out and cuss him out. Now he feeling bad says he was only concerned about my health. I look at him hard and roll my eyes.He works out and has wash board abs and damn near no body fat. I feel like punching his ass in the throat.
He says I'm to sensitive...what you think
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Stupid Crazy Blue Day
Have you ever had one of those days when nothing seems to go right. Well today is the day for me. Lord have mercy! Okay wake up its raining sheets outside and the sky is so dark it still look like it is night time at 7:00am. The lighting is illuminating the entire house as I scramble to find something decent to wear. The temperature dropped 35 degrees overnight....**kanye shrug*** St. Louis weather you don't like it wait until the next day. Tuesday the high was 93 today the high was 65. So I get to work and the first thing I am greeting with is YOU MADE AN ERROR. My boss is telling me I messed something up and I broke protocol and he has to figure out a way to tell the higher ups about my mistake. Never mind he is the one that provided the instructions... now he wants to cover his azz and tell me it was my error. I swallow my anger but I can fill it building up in my stomach.
I had to give a presentation but I was so messed up about this so called error that I couldn't really think about nothing else. Mean while it is still raining cats and dogs outside. I spend the rest of the day trying to fix the error and provide him talking points to give to the higher ups. Then I get an email from my professor telling me to call him. I call him and he tells me I bomb my midterm and suggest I get a tutor. I was feeling really stupid cause I thought I did well on the midterm. I didn't study as hard because I thought I knew the information. I chose to drop the class because there was no way I was going to settle for less than a B. My fiance is in LA and I wanted him to be home with me. I just wanted a good ole fashion hug. I drove home in the rain and just sat in the car in front of the house.
It's times like this that make we ask am I following the right path for me. Am I living out my purpose or am I just living and taking up oxygen. Well I am hopeful that tomorrow will be a little better. The sun does shine eventually.
I had to give a presentation but I was so messed up about this so called error that I couldn't really think about nothing else. Mean while it is still raining cats and dogs outside. I spend the rest of the day trying to fix the error and provide him talking points to give to the higher ups. Then I get an email from my professor telling me to call him. I call him and he tells me I bomb my midterm and suggest I get a tutor. I was feeling really stupid cause I thought I did well on the midterm. I didn't study as hard because I thought I knew the information. I chose to drop the class because there was no way I was going to settle for less than a B. My fiance is in LA and I wanted him to be home with me. I just wanted a good ole fashion hug. I drove home in the rain and just sat in the car in front of the house.
It's times like this that make we ask am I following the right path for me. Am I living out my purpose or am I just living and taking up oxygen. Well I am hopeful that tomorrow will be a little better. The sun does shine eventually.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Happy Labor Day....or NOT
Labor Day is Monday, and while I appreciate my job and the day off, the celebration means nothing to millions of unemployed Americans.
The Labor Department found that black unemployment — already way above the 9.1 percent national average — had a large one-month jump of 0.8 percent, to 16.7 percent in August from 15.9 percent in July. It’s the highest level of African-American joblessness in 27 years.
The number of African Americans in the labor force numbered at 17,930,000 in August.Of the number reported in the August labor force only 14,941,000 were employed. That means 2,989,000 black people are unemployed. Of course this figure does not take your cousins that stopped looking for a job or your other cousin that just recently got out of jail. These numbers only take into account those people actively looking for a job.
Then to add insult to injury it is being reported that many companies are not hiring unemployed people. This is some ridiculous mess, with such a weak economy how can this be effective. Employers are able to be more choosy in their selections and pay a hell of a lot less for top tier employees. However, this decision by corporate america has a negative effect on non whites, workers over 40 and disabled applicants.
An employer considering an ethnic minority are decreased by one-third if jobless applicants are excluded. The pool of disabled applicants would be reduced nearly 50%.
According to the National Employment Law Project, Sen. Blumenthal of Connecticut introduced legislation this week to ban employers from only hiring those that currently have jobs. “A snapshot sampling of recent online job postings disclosed a large number of ads explicitly limited to those who are ‘currently employed’,” said Christine Owens, executive director of the National Employment Law Project. “This perverse catch-22 requires a worker to have a job in order to get a job, and it means highly qualified, experienced workers who want and need work can’t get past the starting gate in the application process simply because they lost their jobs through no fault of their own. As a business practice, this makes no sense, and as a way to rebuild the economy, it only debilitates workers, particularly the long-term unemployed.”
The talk of a double dip recession has started and many are nervous. I know the crime rate in my city has soared. Every other day I hear on the news that a bank was robbed. Police are working overtime to keep the streets safe. More and people are turning to drugs and alcohol to deal with mounting debt and life challenges. Not to mention the increase of people standing at the highway exits and stop lights with signs asking for money.
It is imperative that we demand out senators and congress people to come up with a plan to create jobs. President Obama will have a job creation speech on Thursday and I hope to God he has something worth saying. I dont blame our Prez for the state of the economy but it is happening on his watch. I personally know so many people who are unemployed that it makes me angry. It's like an un-noticed phenomenon.
The Labor Department found that black unemployment — already way above the 9.1 percent national average — had a large one-month jump of 0.8 percent, to 16.7 percent in August from 15.9 percent in July. It’s the highest level of African-American joblessness in 27 years.
The number of African Americans in the labor force numbered at 17,930,000 in August.Of the number reported in the August labor force only 14,941,000 were employed. That means 2,989,000 black people are unemployed. Of course this figure does not take your cousins that stopped looking for a job or your other cousin that just recently got out of jail. These numbers only take into account those people actively looking for a job.
Then to add insult to injury it is being reported that many companies are not hiring unemployed people. This is some ridiculous mess, with such a weak economy how can this be effective. Employers are able to be more choosy in their selections and pay a hell of a lot less for top tier employees. However, this decision by corporate america has a negative effect on non whites, workers over 40 and disabled applicants.
An employer considering an ethnic minority are decreased by one-third if jobless applicants are excluded. The pool of disabled applicants would be reduced nearly 50%.
According to the National Employment Law Project, Sen. Blumenthal of Connecticut introduced legislation this week to ban employers from only hiring those that currently have jobs. “A snapshot sampling of recent online job postings disclosed a large number of ads explicitly limited to those who are ‘currently employed’,” said Christine Owens, executive director of the National Employment Law Project. “This perverse catch-22 requires a worker to have a job in order to get a job, and it means highly qualified, experienced workers who want and need work can’t get past the starting gate in the application process simply because they lost their jobs through no fault of their own. As a business practice, this makes no sense, and as a way to rebuild the economy, it only debilitates workers, particularly the long-term unemployed.”
The talk of a double dip recession has started and many are nervous. I know the crime rate in my city has soared. Every other day I hear on the news that a bank was robbed. Police are working overtime to keep the streets safe. More and people are turning to drugs and alcohol to deal with mounting debt and life challenges. Not to mention the increase of people standing at the highway exits and stop lights with signs asking for money.
It is imperative that we demand out senators and congress people to come up with a plan to create jobs. President Obama will have a job creation speech on Thursday and I hope to God he has something worth saying. I dont blame our Prez for the state of the economy but it is happening on his watch. I personally know so many people who are unemployed that it makes me angry. It's like an un-noticed phenomenon.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Busy as a Bee
OMG my life as taken a turn and now it is in the super busy lane. It's funny how at one moment it feels like time is going by slowly and boredom is my best buddy..... but now it seems that all I have time for is sleep. What has been keeping Black Doll so busy?
My sister has been diagnosed with breast cancer.
This has taken my breath away. She found the lump herself and it is in the very early stages but breast cancer can be a beast so being a supportive sister is #1. My sister has decided to remove the breast with the cancerous cells. This is a very bold move and I am so scared for her. She tried chemo first and it made her too weak and too sick. It is so hot in St. Louis right now....just being in the heat for a few minutes made her pass out. Next week she goes in to have the breast removed and she seems perfectly calm about it. I know that she is really nervous as hell.. but she is a master at projecting calmness. Plus I gotta make sure her kids don't drive her bananas while she is trying to get better. Not to mention that she lives about 7 blocks from me and she calls me all the time. Can you go get this, can you help me with that, what chu doing. Yes we talk more than ever now and I'm just happy I can be there for her
I am getting married!
My guy proposed to me last month with a beautiful 3 carat solitaire ring. Yes he aint no joke when it comes to coming correct with the proposal. But seriously I would have married him if he but a band-aid on my finger! Of course I was excited and was planning the ultimate intimate wedding. That got tiring really fast...who to invite who not to invite? The budget keeps growing and growing. I found a venue that I love at a price that I love, need to lose at least 40lbs before the wedding. The wedding is tentatively scheduled for June 2012. I know it seems far away but it is not that far when you are planning a wedding. Actually right now I don't know if I feel like planning a traditional wedding shindig. I may just do a destination wedding. Right now St. Lucia or St. Barts is looking really good to me right now. Of course I ask my man "baby what you wanna do"... he says " which ever is cheaper... or whatever you wanna do". He is no help guess he feels he did his job by asking!
Graduate School
I am in school and I tell you this second masters degree is much harder than the first one. I am up all night working math problems, reading notes and studying. My weekends are filled with homework and wedding planning. It is not unusual for me to go to bed at 3am on a Friday and Saturday. I sleep all day on Sunday and study just a little bit. My professors know I am up all night because I email them questions all the time in the middle of the night. Most of the time I am so tired I feel like I am about to fall over.
I will try to get back to regular postings next week. But if I fall off you know why.
My sister has been diagnosed with breast cancer.
This has taken my breath away. She found the lump herself and it is in the very early stages but breast cancer can be a beast so being a supportive sister is #1. My sister has decided to remove the breast with the cancerous cells. This is a very bold move and I am so scared for her. She tried chemo first and it made her too weak and too sick. It is so hot in St. Louis right now....just being in the heat for a few minutes made her pass out. Next week she goes in to have the breast removed and she seems perfectly calm about it. I know that she is really nervous as hell.. but she is a master at projecting calmness. Plus I gotta make sure her kids don't drive her bananas while she is trying to get better. Not to mention that she lives about 7 blocks from me and she calls me all the time. Can you go get this, can you help me with that, what chu doing. Yes we talk more than ever now and I'm just happy I can be there for her
I am getting married!
My guy proposed to me last month with a beautiful 3 carat solitaire ring. Yes he aint no joke when it comes to coming correct with the proposal. But seriously I would have married him if he but a band-aid on my finger! Of course I was excited and was planning the ultimate intimate wedding. That got tiring really fast...who to invite who not to invite? The budget keeps growing and growing. I found a venue that I love at a price that I love, need to lose at least 40lbs before the wedding. The wedding is tentatively scheduled for June 2012. I know it seems far away but it is not that far when you are planning a wedding. Actually right now I don't know if I feel like planning a traditional wedding shindig. I may just do a destination wedding. Right now St. Lucia or St. Barts is looking really good to me right now. Of course I ask my man "baby what you wanna do"... he says " which ever is cheaper... or whatever you wanna do". He is no help guess he feels he did his job by asking!
Graduate School
I am in school and I tell you this second masters degree is much harder than the first one. I am up all night working math problems, reading notes and studying. My weekends are filled with homework and wedding planning. It is not unusual for me to go to bed at 3am on a Friday and Saturday. I sleep all day on Sunday and study just a little bit. My professors know I am up all night because I email them questions all the time in the middle of the night. Most of the time I am so tired I feel like I am about to fall over.
I will try to get back to regular postings next week. But if I fall off you know why.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Clubbing.......When Should You Stop?
When I was in my twenties I loved the club. My girls and I partied from Thursday night to Saturday night. It was really a ritual which consisted of trying to be the baddest chick in the club. This required a lot of time and money. Because most of us were recent college grads with money to burn it was nothing to spend hundred of dollars at the mall, hair salon, and nail salon. Friday after work was spent getting our hair weaved, cut, wrapped, dyed and curled head straight home and get ready for the club. Saturday was spent at the mall getting the perfect outfit and getting our mani-pedi's. Go home relax a few hours and out to the club.
Did I mention that most of the time I didn't stumble into the house until after 7 in the morning. See St. Louis borders on the great state of IL. We would go to STL clubs and party until 2:00 am (all STL clubs close at 3am, some at 1am). Then we head over to East St. Louis (ESL) and party until 6am in the morning. Yes ESL clubs stay open until 6am. Then we would go to Denny's and eat breakfast because all that dranking required a lil food after awhile. Then we would go home and sleep all day.
Of course as I got older and bills started coming in and my responsibility level increased my time at the club started to wane. By the time I was 28 the club was no longer that interesting to me and my money was needed in other places.
Fast forward to last Saturday my friend asked me to join her at a club to support her high school class reunion. All monies collected a the door would be used towards her school high class reunion. I hesitated at first but was like okay, but agreed to only go if she convinced our other friend to go. So eventually we all decided to go to the club. My friend assured us it would only be people our age at the club so it would be very mature.
So the day it was time to go we were all asking each other what to wear. Nobody could agree so we decided to do our on thang. You could tell by our outfits that neither of us spent time at the club....we didn't even know what appropriate club attire was.
Now days all my clothes must be work friendly. I dont have enough money to buy street clothes and work clothes. I had a nice jumpsuit and some comfortable heels and thought that would be casual enough without looking like I tried too hard. My other friend put on some jeans and a silk blouse and heels. She also went for the chic casual look. But my other friend took it to the limit. She went old school, got her hair done, bought an expensive "get'em girl" strapless dress and some red patent leather 5" (come fuck me heels).
We weren't if we were under dressed of if she was overdressed but we soon found out. Friend #1 was most certainly overdressed. It was very relaxed and she stood out like
Al Sharpton and a KKK meeting. She was upset and her feet hurt so bad that she stood up once to get a drink and could not get up again for the rest of the night. She finally decided to go to the bathroom. As she limped across the dance floor she looked like she was in pure pain and the sexy outfit no longer looked sexy but like a facade.
After drinking 2 long island ice teas. I was officially drunk and laughing at all the old folks in the club....including myself. After 20 minutes of waiting my our "sexy" friend to come back from the bathroom I texted her "Where are you" she responded "In The Car". So I grabbed my other friend and we left the club and went back to the car.
I asked sexy what happened she said she could not walk in those heels another minute, plus she was embarrassed that she was sooooo overdressed. We all looked at each other and busted out laughing. We agreed that we had been out the club game too long and that we were now too old to be seen at a club.
My question to you is how old is too old to be clubbing?
Did I mention that most of the time I didn't stumble into the house until after 7 in the morning. See St. Louis borders on the great state of IL. We would go to STL clubs and party until 2:00 am (all STL clubs close at 3am, some at 1am). Then we head over to East St. Louis (ESL) and party until 6am in the morning. Yes ESL clubs stay open until 6am. Then we would go to Denny's and eat breakfast because all that dranking required a lil food after awhile. Then we would go home and sleep all day.
Of course as I got older and bills started coming in and my responsibility level increased my time at the club started to wane. By the time I was 28 the club was no longer that interesting to me and my money was needed in other places.
Fast forward to last Saturday my friend asked me to join her at a club to support her high school class reunion. All monies collected a the door would be used towards her school high class reunion. I hesitated at first but was like okay, but agreed to only go if she convinced our other friend to go. So eventually we all decided to go to the club. My friend assured us it would only be people our age at the club so it would be very mature.
So the day it was time to go we were all asking each other what to wear. Nobody could agree so we decided to do our on thang. You could tell by our outfits that neither of us spent time at the club....we didn't even know what appropriate club attire was.
Now days all my clothes must be work friendly. I dont have enough money to buy street clothes and work clothes. I had a nice jumpsuit and some comfortable heels and thought that would be casual enough without looking like I tried too hard. My other friend put on some jeans and a silk blouse and heels. She also went for the chic casual look. But my other friend took it to the limit. She went old school, got her hair done, bought an expensive "get'em girl" strapless dress and some red patent leather 5" (come fuck me heels).
We weren't if we were under dressed of if she was overdressed but we soon found out. Friend #1 was most certainly overdressed. It was very relaxed and she stood out like
Al Sharpton and a KKK meeting. She was upset and her feet hurt so bad that she stood up once to get a drink and could not get up again for the rest of the night. She finally decided to go to the bathroom. As she limped across the dance floor she looked like she was in pure pain and the sexy outfit no longer looked sexy but like a facade.
After drinking 2 long island ice teas. I was officially drunk and laughing at all the old folks in the club....including myself. After 20 minutes of waiting my our "sexy" friend to come back from the bathroom I texted her "Where are you" she responded "In The Car". So I grabbed my other friend and we left the club and went back to the car.
I asked sexy what happened she said she could not walk in those heels another minute, plus she was embarrassed that she was sooooo overdressed. We all looked at each other and busted out laughing. We agreed that we had been out the club game too long and that we were now too old to be seen at a club.
My question to you is how old is too old to be clubbing?
Friday, June 24, 2011
Concert Review – R. Kelly Love Letter Tour – St. Louis, MO
Last Friday The Love Letter tour graced St. Louis with its presence. I had never seen R. Kelly in concert before and never cared to see him either but my co-worker kept suggesting that I go. One of my new years resolutions was to have more fun and get out the house more, so I thought this would be a great opportunity to enjoy some good music and just kick it with my co-worker and her people.
Marsha Ambrosiss (I’m sure I misspelled her last name). But the chick from Floetry that lost a tone of weight, she looks like a different person, she looks good though. I absolutely loved Floetry so I was pretty siked about seeing her perform. Her set up is pretty basic she has a stair case on stage but they are never used she just suddenly appears. No I take that back I was at the concession stand when she came on so I’m not really sure how she made her appearance. Anyway, she had an electric keyboard and DJ and a drummer on stage with her. Like I said she lost a ton of weight and she was rocking her booty shorts and doing some small dance moves. I was very disappointed that she did not sing any of the songs she did when she was with Floetry. If she did she did not sing the original version but some other rendition of the songs. She sounded like herself for the most part but she also sounded slightly out of breath at times. I’m not sure if she is not accustomed to performing by herself or working a huge arena. With time I think she can conquer that issue. She cursed a bit too much for my taste at times, but it was all in fun. She sang a few cuts off her new CD and then began to sing some old school songs from other artist. I would give her performance 2 out of 5 stars. If she is not going to sing the Floetry stuff, she needs a little more material because I was bored towards the end of her performance and started texting my man to see what he was doing at home.
Next was Keisha Cole. They kept the same stair case they had for Marsha show but added a backdrop that looked like a semi professional air brush artist painted. She had 4 dancers, a drummer and guitarist on stage with her. First let me say you may want to take this review with a grain of salt because I am not that crazy about Keisha Cole. She actually used the steps and descended down the steps. She rocked her booty shorts with some thigh high snake skinned boots and a nice shirt. She attempted a few dance moves with the dancers but it was clear that dancing is not really her forte. Her voice sounded just like her CD….not much variation. But let me add that she was lip singing some of the time. Occasionally she would take a break to sip on some water to sooth her singing voice while the taped part of the song continued to sing. She reminded the crowd that she was now a wife and a mother. The audience loved her top hits like Love, Should Have Cheated, Let It Go, ect. I would give her 2.5 out of 5 star. I would have liked to hear her actual singing voice
Finally R Kelly came on the stage. His stage was set up like a bar and a small city. He even had part of the stage go out into the audience. He wore a nice black suit with a silk read scarf. He started his show with a mini movie in black and white. In the movie he was a black Humphry Bogart when the mini movie ended he was on stage sitting at the same bar he was in the movie. He had a full band and four dancers. He was on stage for two hours. Of course he has enough material to do that, but I forgot how much I liked him. He took us back to the 90’s to the new millennium. I suddenly remembered how I used to kick it with my friends with R. Kelly going in the background. He was a great entertainer and engaged the audience at all times. He even spent time out in the thick of the audience; he performed at least 4 songs in the audience. His dancers were no joke, if you didn’t know better you would think you were at the strip club. He was excellent to see live. I give him 4 out of 5 stars.
Next concert review will be Jill Scott, Anthony Hamilton and Mint Condition coming to the Lou 8/4/2011
Marsha Ambrosiss (I’m sure I misspelled her last name). But the chick from Floetry that lost a tone of weight, she looks like a different person, she looks good though. I absolutely loved Floetry so I was pretty siked about seeing her perform. Her set up is pretty basic she has a stair case on stage but they are never used she just suddenly appears. No I take that back I was at the concession stand when she came on so I’m not really sure how she made her appearance. Anyway, she had an electric keyboard and DJ and a drummer on stage with her. Like I said she lost a ton of weight and she was rocking her booty shorts and doing some small dance moves. I was very disappointed that she did not sing any of the songs she did when she was with Floetry. If she did she did not sing the original version but some other rendition of the songs. She sounded like herself for the most part but she also sounded slightly out of breath at times. I’m not sure if she is not accustomed to performing by herself or working a huge arena. With time I think she can conquer that issue. She cursed a bit too much for my taste at times, but it was all in fun. She sang a few cuts off her new CD and then began to sing some old school songs from other artist. I would give her performance 2 out of 5 stars. If she is not going to sing the Floetry stuff, she needs a little more material because I was bored towards the end of her performance and started texting my man to see what he was doing at home.
Next was Keisha Cole. They kept the same stair case they had for Marsha show but added a backdrop that looked like a semi professional air brush artist painted. She had 4 dancers, a drummer and guitarist on stage with her. First let me say you may want to take this review with a grain of salt because I am not that crazy about Keisha Cole. She actually used the steps and descended down the steps. She rocked her booty shorts with some thigh high snake skinned boots and a nice shirt. She attempted a few dance moves with the dancers but it was clear that dancing is not really her forte. Her voice sounded just like her CD….not much variation. But let me add that she was lip singing some of the time. Occasionally she would take a break to sip on some water to sooth her singing voice while the taped part of the song continued to sing. She reminded the crowd that she was now a wife and a mother. The audience loved her top hits like Love, Should Have Cheated, Let It Go, ect. I would give her 2.5 out of 5 star. I would have liked to hear her actual singing voice
Finally R Kelly came on the stage. His stage was set up like a bar and a small city. He even had part of the stage go out into the audience. He wore a nice black suit with a silk read scarf. He started his show with a mini movie in black and white. In the movie he was a black Humphry Bogart when the mini movie ended he was on stage sitting at the same bar he was in the movie. He had a full band and four dancers. He was on stage for two hours. Of course he has enough material to do that, but I forgot how much I liked him. He took us back to the 90’s to the new millennium. I suddenly remembered how I used to kick it with my friends with R. Kelly going in the background. He was a great entertainer and engaged the audience at all times. He even spent time out in the thick of the audience; he performed at least 4 songs in the audience. His dancers were no joke, if you didn’t know better you would think you were at the strip club. He was excellent to see live. I give him 4 out of 5 stars.
Next concert review will be Jill Scott, Anthony Hamilton and Mint Condition coming to the Lou 8/4/2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
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