Transitions

I get the feeling that we are addicted to the messy parts of each other lives. As much as we smile in each others face and say wonderful things about one another we really want to know the dirt on you. In recent days I have attempted to look at the positive side of people… ya know trying to believe that the inner good in a person out weighs the negative composition. I must admit I am inherently a pessimistic individual but I desire to change. So as an experiment when people try to get me upset or ask me what I think about a person/situation I’ve tried to speak a bit more positive. The reaction I get is wayyyyy more subdued than if I was gossiping or talking trash. Some one would say…” So what did you think of XYZ I know you have not seen her in years.” I would say…” I was happy to see her, she looks like she is living well and enjoying life.” The person looks at me crazy and says…” oh… okay”. Or I may get a totally different reaction like “She may be looking okay but I heard that she just got out of rehab and her spouse is a drunk.”

We have become so accustomed to bashing each other that we no longer know how to love one another. Recently I’ve grown extremely tired of caring about other people’s business and speaking negatively of them. Trust… I was the Queen of Gossip. I loved it… I breathed it… I lived for it… I am known for it, but it is tiring. For once I just want to see that the results would be if I put positive vibes about people in the universe, if I spoke good of them and wished them well. I read in one of my magazines last month that a great way to release tension and resentment towards other people is to pray for them. The more you hate them, the harder you pray for them. I attempted this action because I think it is harder to hold on to negative energy when you are speaking honestly and directly with the Lord.


We all are human and we all are born flawed. Some are better than others at disguising their flaws while others wear them like a badge of honor. Personally I’ve seen the hurt of gossiping and more importantly it hurts me more. I also know it does no good for us to expose the inner struggle of others…especially if they want to keep wearing their disguise. In 2010 I would like to become more positive, more vibrant, more prayerful and a better person. Everyone deserves to be happy and to experience joy. If I do not hear from you Have a wonderful Christmas and a Excellent New Year!

On The Verge of a Melt Down

I planned on blogging about something else but I kept feeling a tug in my spirit today. Most of the time when I feel this “tug” it means that God wants me to pray or he wants to hear from me. Sometimes I try to ignore it but it becomes increasingly harder to ignore with each passing minute. It’s like an itchy spot…. they tell you not to scratch it but the more you ignore it the more it itches.

Today a co-worker is really working my last nerve and I have to try to remain professional and easy going. If I am speaking to another co-worker she turns around in her chair and joins in on the conversation without being asked to join. She constantly watches other people computer monitor and asks “what chu looking at”, she stays on Facebook more than she does her work, which puts the entire department behind. Long story short she is a pain in the behind.
As I type this I can feel her eyes on my screen trying to figure out what I am doing…..

Thank the Lord that I was led to pray because today was getting really hard to deal with her shenanigans. Have you ever felt like “Let this heifer do one more thing and it’s on”… well that is how I have been feeling towards her. I have to pray because the negative vibes is very heavy and I just don’t need to carry that weight around.

If you are feeling a bit overwhelmed or frustrated try praying….it’s working for me and God is ready to listen.

Sucessful, Black and Lonely

Ms Andrews in the video above speaks of the challenges that many college education, single black women face. Yes we have heard it all before about I about a snow ball’s chance in hell of getting married. Let’s see…..most of the black men are gay, in jail or dead. If a successful black woman wants a successful man she may want to think about crossing racial lines.

I know successful black women are known as bitches in many circles. But let’s face it ….some of us are just plain ole bougie, elitist and classist. And based on home girls article in the Washington Post that exactly the issue. Check out what she says about one guy to her friends

I went on a date last night with Cornrows," Andrews says, using the nickname that her friends have given the man. "I got in his car and there was this strawberry smell fragrance. I had to roll the window down by hand. I assume it's paid for."
Cornrows, she says, seems nice, but that is the problem. "He can put together coherent sentences, but they are not in any way related to my life," she says. She laughs, but catches herself. She knows the man is trying hard. She also knows Cornrows doesn't stand a chance.
"I'm a mean woman. I don't date nice people. That's why I'll be alone for the rest of my life. I will always have to settle."

If you are not interested then you should just keep it moving and find a man that you are interested in. If you don’t want a man with cornrows and has a strawberry smelling car then why you f”ing with a man with those attributes?

Now I don’t disagree with everything the sistah had to say. She disgusted having a “winter boo”. I ‘ve had a winter boo or two. If you are not familiar with a winter boo is someone you kick it with when it’s cold outside. She explains it perferctly.

He can drive when the wind is whipping down the sidewalk.
"It's like a booty call, but it's not," Andrews says.
"It's like you like him enough to bring him out to public settings. They like, serve a seasonal purpose."
But what happens in the summer, you ask.
There is no such thing as a summer boo. You are supposed to be out. Be free."
The catch?
"A winter boo doesn't know he's a winter boo," until summer comes and he has been set free.

Yes the single successful black woman is multi dimensional and can seem to have it all together. However, there are times when loneliness creep upon us like second skin. Who do we tell that we are starved for companionship when we pretend to have the most fabulous life? I admit there are times when I want companionship and other times I am happily single.

I used to look for the perfect man. One that could match my wit, match me financially, and take care of me for the rest of my life. Now I have a much simpler outlook on finding a man. He must be able to adequately take care of himself, he must have a sense of humor, he must love me and make me happy. Maybe looking for Mr. Perfect has slowed me down now it’s all about Mr. Perfect- For Me.

Can't Find a Job....... You're Not Alone

Unemployment rates are really high but through the roof if you are a young black man. Information obtained from polticsdaily.com suggests that unemployment for 16-24-year-old black men was 34.5 percent in October. This is just as high as it was during the Great Depression, the Washington Post reports. Young black women face similarly bleak employment numbers: 24.5 percent of them currently do not have jobs. Combined, young blacks have an unemployment rate of 30.5 percent, also equaling Depression-era numbers.

Employment status for young blacks statistically seems to be more affected by their race than their education or previous employment and income. Statistics from the Center for Labor Market Studies at Northeastern University show that lower-middle-class white teens have an easier time finding jobs than upper-middle-class black teens. Even African-Americans with college degrees have a jobless rate double that of their white peers.

I personally know what it is like to watch a black man look day in a day out for a job and as each day that passes by without employment feel more and more worthless. Trying to support someone who seems to be “unhire-able” is hard thing to do. Who knew that a bad economy could bring so much havoc on a relationship? I remember coming home each day asking “How was the job search?” At first he would answer that he put in X number of applications and was hoping to hear something soon. After the 3rd month of being jobless, when I asked “how was the job search”, he would give me the look of death. Finally he asked me not to ask him how the job search was because it just pissed him off. Then there were the many menial temporary jobs that would pay a low wage and last 1-2 weeks. It would be several weeks in between before another job was available. Of course paying the bills alone was starting to get old. I would look him upside the head like WTF….figure something out NOW. His family pretty much thought of him as a jobless loser and in the end his self esteem was in the toilet.

Sadly I could not take all the arguing and attitude from dude being jobless I felt I had to put him out. It wasn’t until I started looking to switch careers did I realize how hard it was to find a job. I looked in the papers, the internet and networked and still it was dry. Suddenly I was real thankful for my gig immediately thought about how I made boyfriend feel. I know we all need health care but I wish Obama would start to focus on this economy. News outlets are reporting that things are looking up….my question is where the hell they looking? Some people have gotten so frustrated with looking for a job they have simply stopped looking, while others have accepted jobs that pay less than they need to survive. This is causing the unemployment numbers to decrease but actually people are still suffering. Food pantries are being utilized by more people than ever; non profit agencies are assisting with more gas and electric bill than before. The homeless rate has skyrocketed.

It’s deplorable to watch Wall Street get bailed out and they give their employees six figure bonuses and the tax paper that paid for the bail out can’t afford the things they really need. Instead of having a damn tea party to protest the heath care bill we all need to demand that our government do something about this failing economy!


People if your job is hiring let people know. Surely someone knows at least one un/underemployed person. The classified section is not the way to find a job in this season…..knowing the right people can land you in a sweet position. So let’s not be selfish and down talk the brother or sister in your family that is struggling to find employment, instead offer to re-write their resume, be on the look out for jobs for them be compassionate about their situation. Remember some of us are just 1 paycheck away from homelessness.

Stuff They Don't Tell You When You Buying A House

I love my new house but homeownership can be a bitch. My homeowners insurance is going through the roof. Before closing Allstate quoted me a price of $ 1200.00 for the year. Then after closing they sent me a letter saying that my home owners insurance would be going up$ 854.56 and that increase would take affect the next month.

Of course I was on the phone calling them like WTF where the hell am I suppose to get an extra $854.56. They told me that it would take 330,000 to replace my home so the rate reflected the replacement cost. I said screw the replacement cost I want enough to cover the loan and something left over to put down on something new. So finally they said they would write me a new policy that covers the loan amount and about 90,000 extra. They gave me a quote of 1250.00. Guess what, a few weeks letter I get a letter in the mail saying my insurance will increase 150.00. I was pissed; I thought why the quote and the actual price never match up.

So last night I am looking at the news and guess what? They were investigating the increase in homeowners insurance. In Missouri and Illinois home insurance rates have increases ranges from 9-60%. Insurance companies claim that in 3 years they have paid out 19 billion dollars, which rivals the 20.3 billion dollars spent on insured property loss from the 9/11 terrorist attacks.

Also contributing to the rise in premiums is……


High than normal castrophe frequency
Rising Cost of Construction and home repair
Higher home Values

I understand these issues but some of this is just the cost of doing business. Hey Allstate ever heard of collateral damage? That is what I call all the excuses you are giving me for raising my insurance. People are trying to survive and companies are thinking of reasons to suck more money out of you.

I always felt that insurance was just one big con game. You pay the premium but if you every use it your premium will increase and if you don’t use it then you just been giving away free money back. I feel the government should regulate that business. That way things could be more fair and equal for the policy holder

My Obsession With 50 Cent

Have a baby by me baby be a millionaire…..
Have a baby by me baby be a millionaire.
I’ll work that, merk that.
Just the way you like it baby.
Turn a quickie unto an all nighter baby.



When I hear this on the radio I immediately turn the volume way up. I absolutely adore the man. He is my type of guy. He is street savvy and has an acute business acumen which further influences my attraction to Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson.

I’m the type of girl who likes what I like to call “A Real Man” for my man. I have a strong mind set and can be a bit pushy and hardheaded sometimes so I must have a man that knows how to take charge. And the only way for you to take charge of me, is to be in charge of you. If the man life is together financially, emotionally, physically and spiritually then he is ready for his mate. My man should be the type of man that when he walks into the room all the women just fell a bit safer.

My man must have a lil thug in him but be able to discuss anything from politics to the latest urban issue. I want my man to appreciate all the possessions we have but not act so bougie that he makes people feel uncomfortable. Have you seen 50 Cent he looks great in jeans, a t-shirt and timberlands but he also looks great in a suit. See I like it when they can switch it up and still look good.

Did you know that 50 makes most of his money off of investments and endorsements? This is forward thinking to me because how many rappers last a lifetime in the rap game? Has anyone seen the man’s body….that alone is enough to make a girl’s panties wet!

Not Ready For Mommiehood

The little Prince at the top is my new nephew Dreyden. Isn’t he soooo sweet and gorgeous. He is so small but when you hold him close he is super soft and smell like baby. Well this little one caused me to want to jump out a window and set myself on fire at the same time!


You may ask yourself how someone so little and beautiful could make you cause bodily harm to yourself. Well I can sum that up in two words…. Darius ( nephew # 1) and Derrick ( nephew # 2) ( see their pics below). Yeah they look innocent too until it is time to baby sit.







I had to watch these two while my sister when into the hospital to have Baby Dre. LLLLLLLLLLLLord have mercy. It was a time. I worked 15 hours of overtime that week and worked 7 days straight. I picked up the kids on my 7th day of working without a day off. Needless to say I was bone tired and not in the mood for not freaking kids. I picked the kids up around 8:30 pm and hoped they were fed and tired and ready to go to bed when they got to my place. NOT! They were bouncing off the wall and I was dying to go to bed. I gave them a bath and a snack and begged them to go to sleep. Finally everyone was in bed by 10:30pm.

RING>>>>RING>>>>RING…. That ringing was my alarm going off at 7:00am it was time to get up and get Darius ready for school. Got damn the boy pissed in the bed and smelled like hot pee. So another bath was needed and now we are late. I throw my coat over my pjs and tell my 3 year old nephew to but on his shoes and coat. He kept whining because he had on his pjs too and wanted to get dressed. I gave him the dreaded evil eye and he shut right up. Me and the kids drove all the way across town and dropped Darius off to school. Never mind the fact we were late and I had to walk him to his class. Other teachers gave me the poor you look when they saw me in my head scarf and pjs and toting a toddler in his pjs too.

I drove home thinking me and nephew # 2 would get some breakfast from McDonalds and take a nap until noon. Did ht happen that way….HELL NAW. Nephew ate his pancakes and was ready to play and watch Sesame Street. The poor chile kept asking me for paper and crayons so he could do his “homework”. Before I knew it, it was time to pick up nephew #1. I picked him up and he was talking the entire way home. I thought it would be a good idea to take them to the park and tire them out before we went home. They played at the park almost 3 hours and I still had to drag them to the car. I got home and started preparing dinner and helped nephew # 1 with his homework. They ate, took a bath and watched television for a few hours and I put them to bed at 7:00pm Yeah I know it was early but I had not choice I was running on fumes I was still so sleepy.


I told them that they better get in the bed and do not get out unless they had to pee. I also told them if anyone pees on my good mattress tonight they would wake up to a good azz whooping. Of course they talked and giggled for about 30 minutes but they eventually drifted off to sleep. I had to watch dishes, clean up the house and take a shower. Finally some me time. I sat down to watch the news and next thing I know. RING, RING, RING…yes it was my alarm telling me it was time to get up and get nephew #1 off to school.

The last thing I remember was watching the news and it’s a new day all ready? Got the kids up and no one peed so we could jump right into the day. Nephew #1 made sure to remind me to get him a snack today because I forgot it the day before. We picked up the snack and dropped him off ( please tell me why the pick up and drop off line for elementary kids are so long?) My sister had already given birth and nephew #1 was dying to see his Mommie and new brother. So we go to the hospital and find a parking spot. We parked pretty far away so the walk was very challenging with a slow walking 3 year old. We finally make our way to the 9th floor only to be told that due to the swine flu epidemic kids under the age of 18 were not allowed to visit the hospital. The poor nurse allowed me to speak to my sister via the phone who told me she was sorry but she forgot to tell me the kids could not visit. However, she left her house a mess and she did not want to bring the baby home to a messy house……she asked me to clean up a lil bit. So the nurse sent out the key and off we went to straighten up the house.

I opened the door and wanted to run back out. The kitchen had standing dish water and dishes inside the sink, the bath room could use a good wash down, the kids room was a mess, her bed was messy and a few things sprawled about, the living room needed dusting and the entire place needed vacuumed. I was cleaning for 5 hours…next thing I know it was time to pick up nephew # 1. Since I still had a little cleaning to do I bought McDonalds and took them to their house while I did more cleaning. Finally exhausted and completely tired we traveled back across town to my house.

I went to bed super excited because I knew this was my last night with the kids. I bathe them and let them watch a few hours of television and we did homework and off to bed they went. I again reminded them of the consequences of peeing on my good mattress. My house was a total wreck… toys everywhere, books, papers and crayons scattered on the floor and couch. Pop tart and fruit snack wrappers here and there but I was too tired to think about cleaning my own house.

That morning the alarm went off and I jump straight up I checked the bed and realized nephew #1 had peed in the bed again. I ran the bath water and told him to get up. I calmly asked if he had pissed in the bed. He simply shook his head. I told him to take off his clothes and I would be right back. I went and got my belt and I came back into the room and he was naked looking for his school uniform which I usually lay on the bed in the morning. He almost went onto cardiac arrest when he saw the belt… I have him a few smacks on the butt and told him to get into the tub. The room smelled like a toilet. The aroma of pee was heavy in the air. I got the kids ready and dropped nephew # 1 off to school. I had an early doctor’s appointment so I was forced to take nephew# 2 with me. We were leaving the house and I had my hands filled with things for the new baby and I opened the door to let him out first so I could lock the door. As soon as I opened the door he bolted out the house and down the stairs. I screamed at the top of my lungs…don’t run into the street. Guess what………..he did. I then heard a screeching sound of car tires. I dropped the bags and ran into the street. At that moment I felt like the worst would be parent in the world. All eyes were on me… the bad Auntie that almost got nephew #2 killed.


Finally that night I dropped the kids off to their mama. I was so in a rush to get home I barely glanced at new nephew #3. I just was ready to go home, relax and enjoy a glass of wine in my messy house. Well the next day my sister called me frantic. She said nephew #2 had to be hospitalized because he came down with a very high fever and was diagnosed with H1N1 aka “The Swine Flu”. She said could you be with him in the hospital because I can not be exposed to the flu and go home to the baby.

Could it get any worse! After three days he was discharged and allowed to go home. By the end of the week I was exhausted and began to wonder if I was cut out for the motherhood thang. All these years I wondered when was I going to have a little one running around the house? I even imagined what my baby shower would be…that was until I had a week of kids? Honnnay I serious doubt I wanna do the kid thing. I had more appreciation for my single non kid life than ever. She being a mother is HARD work…. I’m lazy yall and it was way too much to me.


But I tip my hat to all the mothers because it is truly one of the hardest jobs I’ve ever attempted to encounter.