Mommy or Not........ A Very Hard Decision

I feel so relaxed and refreshed I should go on vacation more often. I spent 5 glorious days in NOLA and I had a blast. It was relaxing, exciting, fun and educational. But even with all that relaxation I still have something laying heavily on my mind.



A few years ago I decided that I wanted a baby and adoption was my best option. Last year I began to look into the process and evaluate different agencies. I found one I liked and decided to explore it further. I looked at adoption DVD’s, read brochures and spoke to several representatives. I was deflated when I found out the adopt cost would run me between 20,000- 30,000. Of course I don’t have that type of “spare” change lying around so I just gave up on the idea of adoption. At the time I wasn’t upset, I just felt that maybe I was made to be a super Auntie.

So I surrendered to the idea of not being a mommy and decided to live MY best life. Then out of now where a family member asked me to adopt their unborn child. She said that she could not take care of it properly and was putting it up for adoption but she knew at one point I really wanted a child. I told her I would think about it and get back with her later. Well that was 3 months ago, last week she called to tell me she was 7 months and she really needed me to make a decision because she could make other arrangements for the child. I asked for another week to think about it. Let me just tell you that this is one of the hardest decisions I have ever made!


Part of me is so scared of being totally responsible for another human being. What if the child turns out be a crack head or serial killer! What if I am not a good parent, what if I can’t afford everything the child needs, what if I work too much? I’m still in school how can I manage that with a new born? Can I really afford a child……what about daycare, isn’t that expensive?

Then I think, a baby would bring so much joy in your life. It would make this house a home. I could really leave my finger print on the life of child. My life would become much broader and my heart will experience a love like no other. These thoughts make me excited.

But then the negative thoughts come up. You are too busy for a baby, you barely have time to sleep now, you don’t make enough money for a baby. I just keep tethering back and forth. I have prayed and I am still unsure what to do. I have to let her know something by this weekend and I just don’t know what to do. I guess I will keep praying and try to make the best decision possible.

I am just so flabbergasted because last year adoption was all I could think about; now that I have a chance to do it I’m acting all scared. I wonder why this is happening. Well I’ll let y”all know my decision either way.

French Ban Muslim Veil

A controversial new law banning the use of face veils in public places in France went to effect yesterday. The law prevents Muslim women from wearing the niqab, a face veil that leaves a slot for the eyes or the burqa a full body garb which features a mesh cover for the face.

The French government feels that the veils are oppression against women and promote social exclusion and gender segregation. Some feel that the women who choose to wear the burqa and niqab have no choice because men make all the decisions. The French says this is not what their country represents and believes women should be treated as equals and should take their proper place in society. The burqa is not a religious sign,” Mr. Sarkozy said last year, but rather a “sign of subservience, a sign of debasement” of women.

The opposition feels this law is a violation of women rights prevents them from leaving the home and places them under house arrest. Many feel it is their right to wear the burqa and feels the law will criminalize women who choose to wear traditional wear. France is supposed to be a democracy, build on the differences of their national and embracing the religious rights of others. Some feel that this law is meant to stigmatize the Muslim community and is based in politics.

Many Muslim women consider the niqab a form of feminist expression, because it forces people to judge them by their character rather than their looks. No longer a slave to consumerism, niqab liberates women from the need to conform to unrealistic stereotypes and images dictated by the media. A woman wearing hijab have expressed that dressing modestly and covering their hair, minimizes sexual harassment in the workplace. The aura of privacy created by niqab is indicative of the great value Islam places upon women.


My dad was a Muslim and never forced me or my sister to wear the niqab or burqa. I understand Islamic principals and concepts and understand that many women enjoy being covered. Yes, some women are forced to cover, but majorities are not. Europe seems to be equating Muslims in their country with those of Algeria and Saudi Arabia, where women suffer great indignities. However, many of the Islamic fundamentalist detest European values and would not leave their country because they would essentially be out of their element. I say, if France believes in women’s right then let them have a choice. If they choose to wear the veil then let them. No one judges the French woman when she wears Prada and Louboutins! I agree no one should be forcing a woman to do something she does not want to do, not even the French government. Although many won’t admit it, but many people think Islam and terrorist are interchangeable words. With that mindset, laws are being created to subdue the Islamic culture, it is done primarily out of fear. Most Muslims are peace loving, God fearing people. I believe the French should leave this one alone. Many Westerners (including Americans) feel like the sign below.

The Abortion Band-Aid

The image above hangs on several bill boards in New York. I actually got offended when I saw the bill board. I never thought of abortion and genocide or used to make black children an “endangered species”. The Catholic Church and pro-lifers are responsible for the bill board. Yes I am pro-choice…… in fact I am very pro-choice. As much as I love my nephews and niece I encouraged both of their mothers to abort them as soon as they told me they were pregnant. My sister had her first child when she was 16. However, we didn’t find out she was pregnant until she was almost into her 7 month. The other two came before she was 25, my sister was not emotionally, financially or mentally equipped to take care of 3 kids. Thankfully those last two grew that girl up REAL quick. She is a great mother but her opportunities are very limited, she struggles to put food on the table and relies on government assistance. My niece belongs to my brother. When his baby mama told me she was pregnant I told her that I think my brother would suck as a father and if she decided to have the baby she would truly be a single mother. She was a nice girl, good job and in college. She has dropped out of college and is also struggling to provide for my niece. And as predicted my brother sucks as a father.


I did not recommend abortion because I didn’t want them to have kids. I wanted them to have a chance at life, to do the things they wanted to do. My sister always speaks about going to school to become a fashion designer, a buyer for a boutique or major department chain, she is also good with home décor. Now she talks about it as if it is a fantasy. Her main concern is raising 3 boys into dependable grown men, trust me it’s a full time job.

The pro-lifers feel that Black and Latino babies are being slaughtered by abortions. It is true that a large percent of abortions are performed on Black and Latino women. I know many women that have experienced and abortion and it is not something they do without any thought or emotion…..in most cases it HAS to be done.

By contrast, Alveda King, a niece of Martin Luther King Jr., calls herself a “reformed murderer” for undergoing two abortions when she was young.
Now an outspoken anti-abortion campaigner, King says the best way to reduce abortions among black women is to dissuade more of them from premarital sex.
“We give free sex education, free condoms, free birth control,” she complained. “That’s almost like permission to have free sex, and the higher the rate of sexual activity, the higher the rate of unintended pregnancy.”

However, teenage pregnancy is down 39%. Half of the roughly 1.2 million U.S. women who have abortions each year are 25 or older. Only about 17 percent are teens. About 60 percent have given birth to least one child prior to getting an abortion.

Often the women getting the abortions say they act in the interests of children they already have. In NY two of every five pregnancies in the city end in abortion, a statistic that has barely changed in more than a decade. If you look at the population most affected by abortion you would see economics is directly tied to abortions. A majority of these women are already struggling single mothers, many live below the poverty line and in communities that were stripped of viable job opportunities a long time ago.

I also understand that it is up to the ladies to open their legs and have unprotected sex. Yes they must assume some responsibility for their behavior, but what do you do when a child is in the womb. No one has time to point fingers, either you get an abortion or you take food out of your other kid’s mouth to feed the new kid!





Unemployment statistics for black and brown folks is sad. Take a look at the graph. We are getting our ass kicked in the labor market. According to the Census Bureau, the recession and the housing crisis have most adversely affected African American and Latino families. In 2009, the median income for African American households fell 4.4 percent to just $32,584. That represents just 60 percent of the median income of white households.


In the same period, Latino households saw a roughly similar income gap with white households, though they actually felt a 0.7 percent rise in incomes. More than 21 million people who self-identify as African American or Latino live below the federal poverty line. The federal government also reported that more than 50 million Americans went without health insurance in 2009. Almost half, or nearly 24 million, were African Americans or Latinos. Since the collapse of the housing market in 2007 and 2008, homeownership rates for African Americans fell substantially in 2009. In fact, Census Bureau estimates show that African Americans have fallen to the same rates as 10 years ago. Compared to then, the rate of white homeownership has grown by more than four percentage points.


It seems to me instead of being concerned with the rate of aborted babies that they should focus on the disparities in housing, employment and health care. Abortion is simply a consequence of the economic gap in America. Of course no one wants to address this issue. That would mean pouring federal and private dollars into communities with a low tax base. It would mean investing in two of the most underserved and discriminated minority groups. It would also mean that the people in control of land and dollars would have to admit that they have been vehemently and blatantly unfair to black and brown folks. Do you think they are ready to admit that…………… did I hear a resounding HELL NO!


Instead they choose to focus on abortion, how convenient. Now the GOP would like to stop funding Planned Parenthood. Forty-one senators have pledged to filibuster any bipartisan spending bill that includes an amendment to strip federal funding from Planned Parenthood, threatening an impasse with House conservatives.

Looking to show off its influence over the 2012 field early in the game, the anti-abortion group Susan B. Anthony List sent out an email Monday putting each of the leading GOP presidential contenders on record in support of pulling federal funds for Planned Parenthood. Sarah Palin, Haley Barbour, Mike Huckabee and Tim Pawlenty each provided statements to the group, while the rest of the field was able to point to previous comments making their positions clear.

Planned Parenthood does more than abortion, I’ve used them before. When I didn’t have insurance they provided GYN services on a sliding fee based on my income.

I personally support abortion ( if the women feels like that is what she wants to do….its her choice) and I support Planned Parenthood.

Musings of A Bitter Sistah

Last weekend I was inside my house with the widows up and I heard, “ Fat bitch, keep doing what you doing and I’mma beat you mutha fucken ass. Yeah tell yo mama that!” Of


Of course I ran to the window to see who was causing all the ruckus and it was the people across the street. The guy was yelling at his girl and calling her every name but the child of God. He was disrespecting her in a major way and not giving a damn who heard him. I could hear her screaming at him out the door but I could not decipher what she was saying.

I wanna know why the bum ass ninjas be the first one to show their ass. This “man” doesn’t work, always outside phucking with his car and entertaining a host of rowdy friends through out the day and just living off the back of his woman.


As you can tell this guy gets my panties in a bunch. I just hate to see men blatantly disrespecting women. It’s the one thing that can take me to 0-60 in 2.5 seconds. To me there is no reason, a couple should be cussing each other out in public………….. and if so it better be the end of the relationship. I’ve noticed that most of the men that act this way are LOSERS and have nothing to offer. They really mad at their self but like to reflect it outwardly. Someone please tell me why the person bring the least to the relationship is always the one causing most of the problems. Well that has been my experience and as you can tell from the bitterness of my musing that I have dealt with this type of ninja before. I guess that is why I got so pissed off when I heard him acting a fool. A friend of mine once told me never let a non working man live in your house because if you try and kick him out you would swear his name is on the lease and he purchased all the furniture. It would be easier to get a brick through the eye of a needle than to get a lazy man out of your house!


In my opinion these types of men rarely change and most had bad relationships with their mothers. Actually any man that vehemently calls a woman a bitch it makes my blood run cold. I just hate that, it is the one thing that would make me dislike a man instantly.

So anyway ole boy continues to yell “fat bitch, stupid hoe” and she is mumbling something out the window. I decided to close my window because I realized I was having a flash back moment from when I was in a similar situation. I stopped painting and made me some tea to relax my mind. Sometimes I gave to remember not to be so bitter because all men are not ninjas and lazy bums. But if one tries to flirt with you……..run like your life depended on it.

DIY'ing ...........Again

Hey Friends,


I am DIY’ing again! For the last two weeks I have been putting up chair rail and freshen up paint. Let me just say I worked my ass off. I was so exhausted that I literally feel asleep. I feel so empowered when I do things to my house myself. When I look at the projects that I completed I feel more connected with my home. I Things are coming along, but the walls are still bare. Trying to feel a house with décor can be very expensive so I am doing it one piece at a time. Tell me what you think?

The Big C………Classism

I was over at Danielle Belton’s site (theblacksnob) and I was reading her take on the Jalen Rose/Grant Hill story. Danielle said she could understand both sides of the story because she has faced some issues with classism growing up in St. Louis. She writes…


When we first moved deeper into the county, from my old all-black suburb to a more Tony and white one, all the black kids at my junior high were fascinated by me for the maximum of one week. They all assumed I had to be some tough, hood kid with a thousand yard stare from the horrors I'd seen. But I was so boring to them. I didn't speak slang. I'd never seen a dead body. I'd never seen a police officer beat down anyone. I didn't have any cousins named Pookie strung out on crack.

Coincidentally, I ended up in this weird place where had almost nothing but contempt for my own kind (other suburban black kids). Largely because they made no sense. I was the one raised in the all-black neighborhood who read Alex Haley at 13 and performed in Black History Month plays. But I wasn't black enough because I didn't speak slang or own a Starter coat. Bougie black kids were a world of ghetto suburban contradictions. Just as their weird fascination with bragging about who's parents had the roughest childhoods. Or their obsession with inner city kids who mostly just wanted to be left alone. How they were all obsessed with going to North City to parties and trying to fit in and sometimes getting shot and sometimes getting killed because, again, they had no clue as to what they were doing and learned everything they knew about "the hood" from the movie "Colors."

I grew up in St. Louis too. However, I lived in the City…. the real urban part of the City. My family lived on the Westside off of N. Kingshighway. But imagine living in the heart of the ghetto and having everything you needed, while watching your friends and neighbors struggle. Yes I was an inner city kid straight out the “hood”, but I could speak correct English and Ebonics too! My mom was a single mother but she was college educated and worked for Anheuser Busch. We owned our home and were financially stable. My siblings and I always had what we needed and lots of our wants too. My mother was a cheap skate so we did not have a lot of “overhead” cost. Our house and car was paid for so my mother had a great deal of discretionary income. I remember I had to literally get on my knees and beg her for a pair of Air Jordan’s after about 4 months a new pair came out and I refused to wear the old ones. My mother said “give me those damn shoes, I’ll wear them my muthafucken self, as much money as I spent on those shoes and you talking about they outta style already!” Needless to say she never purchased me another pair of Jordan’s again.


In the summer time our block would burst at the seam with all the people just hanging out. As soon as it got warm music stared pouring out of cars, people started sitting on their porches, drug dealers started selling their products outside instead of inside, and the boosters started going door to door selling their merchandise. From time to time there was fight or someone got shot. In the early 90’s dudes from California started showing up on our block selling crack cocaine for a much cheaper price than what the locals were selling. Plus the dudes from Cali brought their gang affiliations with them. This created a blood bath in my neighborhood. Young boys/men were being killed daily.


My mother refused to move out of the hood because she said her house was paid for and she was not running out to the suburbs to take on a bigger mortgage. Plus she felt that if more people invested in the inner City instead of running to the burbs every time they got a bigger and better job the City would be a better place to live. I remember I dated a guy from the burbs and before he introduced me to his mother he told me to not tell her I was from the City because she really didn’t care for City people. I was so hurt, how did where I live play a role in what type of person I was. Yes I lived in the hood, but I went to excellent schools, was college bound, well read, loved the arts BUT I also was very familiar with city life. Like Jalen I felt that people from the burbs and two parent homes judge me for living in the hood. Yes my mother raised us alone…but she did a great job and she never made any apologies for being single with kids. She made sure that we took pride in our neighborhood by participating in clean up efforts and looking out for our neighbors….even the crack heads. She insisted that we treat the adult crack heads with the same respect we would anyone else. I’ve watch my mother feed and cloth our neighbors for 30 years and everyone in that neighborhood loves her to death. When I went away to college when I came home for the summer my entire block showed nothing but encouragement. The drug dealers and the crack heads alike would ask questions like “when you gone graduate, what you going for and what you gonna do when your done.” Then they would say “stay in school or don’t forget your street smarts while you getting all that knowledge”.

My mother taught me to see people as people and not judge them based on their class or color. I still live in St. Louis and I am very financially stable….but I still choose to live in the City. I own a home in the City and I care about my bad ass neighborhood just as much as the next person. Hell there is probably someone making judgments on me now because I am over 30 and unmarried. In this life everyone will have his/her own unique experience; no two stories are ever the same. People can’t help the situation they were born in…be it good or bad and we can not judge people because of their situation. As the saying go until you walk a mile in someone else shoes, make no comments.

Speak for Yourself

As my Grandfather once said…. keep stupidity to yourself. No one knows how stupid you really are until you fuck up and say something really stupid. Video Vixen Dollicia Bryan feels that wearing Christian Louboutins, a luxury French made shoe also known as red bottoms will make you a better competitor in life . The shoes range in price from several hundred to several thousand dollars.

Ms Bryan states

Okay, I’m looking at myself..you know I want to be up there. I want to be compared…I want to surpass. When you elevate in your career, you elevated in your fashion. You have a higher competition.

I don’t have to have a guy go out and get them. When I was able to afford it, I went and I started purchasing them. You don’t have to wear them. If I’m capable of purchasing that and still doing my job, I’m going to do that. If you’re not capable but you still want to be competition, I don’t know what to tell you. You just have to step up your game.

Maino got involved; that’s how it all started. He said the same thing. You know, I can’t take you around events I go to with Beyonce if you got Forever 21 shoes. I can’t do that. Don’t think you’re the baddest thing, what can we do?
That’s where it started. There are so many beautiful women out there but what sets you aside from them?

First I like to compliment Ms. Bryan on purchasing her expensive shoes herself and not waiting on a man to upgrade her. I personally believe that if we desire a certain quality of life it is each person responsibility to do everything (within reason) they can to obtain that lifestyle. However, Ms. Bryan e you lost me at buying insanely expensive things is a way to step up your game and set you apart from other people. Spending a huge percentage of your income on shoes is not stepping up your game, it is showing your level of stupidity and immaturity. I know you are a video girl… but do you own your home… have you invested in your retirement or learned another craft. I’m sure your time as a video girl is very limited and you will need that shoe money in a few years.

Yes it is totally with in reason that Beyonce wears Christian Louboutins … she is worth several million dollars and her future is very secure ……even if she doesn’t sing another note. You on the other hand… not so much. And on another note if a REAL man is truly interested in you and he would like to take you around his rich friends, if he feels the desire for you to look the part then he will purchase you the extravagant clothes if you can’t afford them. That is if he really wants to be with you for you!


Also if you are wondering how stand out in a sea of beautiful women…be yourself! Men respect women that know who they are and are not fake. Don’t break yourself trying to fit someone else image of what is acceptable. You can only hold a pose so long before the real you come out anyway. On another note, I think if you want to be a real actress or model you should shut up and stop giving advice.