When I was a little girl in the mid 80’s I remember my Mama singing a song from a perfume commercial. It said…
I can bring home the bacon
Fry it in a pan
And never ever let you forget you’re a man
Cause I’m a WOMAN!
I can rub and scrub this old house til its shining like a dime
Feed the baby, grease the car and powder my face at the same time
Get all dressed up, go out and swing til 4 am and then
Lay down at 5 jump up at 6 and start all over again
Cause I’m a WOMAN!
Mama would be singing this song as she folded the clothes, vacuumed the floor, and moved the furniture around. This little song made me feel like I could do anything. It sent a little subliminal message to my brain saying you can do it all! Pay the mortgage, wash the car, take out the trash, fix the plumbing, change the tire, breast feed the baby, work 9-10 hour days 6days a week. Hell I watched Mama do it all the time, no need to believe I couldn’t do it too.
As I grew up and watch the women of my family be the breadwinners of their households it became very clear that I would run my household the same way. But I was always open to a man being the breadwinner and my income would be used to make the ends meet. My dating life was pretty normal, most of the men I dated held their own. They were financially independent and never looked for me to provide for them financially. Hell, many of them provided for me when I didn’t have a great deal of money.
Then I came across a man that I cared for very deeply….but he did not have a job. He didn’t have an emergency fund, he barely had a place to live and nothing to really offer me at the time. However, I fell in love with the man and felt that he was just going through a rough time and who was I to be judgmental of situation.
As we dated he would find a job here and there but could never seem to keep the job. Even when he did find employment he only made slightly more than minimum wage. We moved in together but he was never able to contribute to the household. He did not have presentable clothes and he needed so many things. I initially tried to help him and build him up as much as I could but it was getting very tiring.
After awhile he seemed to resent that I had a career and he didn’t. Our sex life came to a screeching halt. Each time he told me he couldn’t contribute or he lost another job my respect for him dwindled. It seemed the harder he looked for a job, the less call backs he would get. I started to resent the fact that he stayed home and I had to go to work. I would come home dead tired and he would want to talk all night.
I started to disrespect him by throwing his unemployment situation up as much as I could. He would disrespect me by calling me everything but the child of God. It got to the point where the house was always filled with tension. I was used to taking care of myself and if I was in a relationship my man would throw out a few dollars here and there.
This “man with no job” situation was foreign to me and after about 2 ½ years of it I started to feel like a hoe and my man was my pimp. I realized that a relationship can’t exist on love alone…….at least not for ME! I want to feel protected, I want to feel secure, and I want to feel like my man would do anything (legal) to hold down our household. I don’t want to be the HNIC when I have a man in the house.
Ultimately, the relationship did not work. But it was mostly wrecked because I could not take living with a man that could not offer me financial stability. Whether we like it or not roles are reversing, women are out earning men. It is causing many divorces, unhappy homes and breakups. Although I am a modern chick, I do expect my man to be the provider and head of the household. I expect him to know his role and accept that it is presumed that he will be making spiritual, financial and other decisions for the household. It’s a big responsibility for a man that is ready to take charge.
Now this in no way means that I wouldn’t hold my man down if we happen to fall on bad times. If I know that the man is a go getter and has proven that he will be my rock the I have no problem swinging my feet out the bed and going to work while he get his affairs in order. However, if you just playing around saying, “the man holding a brother down” and bullshitting around…then you may get left standing in the wind. I often wonder if single mothers have ruined the little girls and the little boys of America. Little girls watch Mama work and hold down the house and little boys get accustomed to Mama going to work and being the provider. The kids get all twisted and boys get their roles confused and so do girls.
What are your thoughts on this?
No comments:
Post a Comment