My Infertility Dilemma

My struggle with infertility as been a quite struggle. At times I’m aggravated and upset with my inability to naturally conceive. There are times when I feel alone and like a leper. Women were placed on this earth to be fruitful…..right? When I initially found out I was infertile I felt robbed. I felt like my choice had been made for me and I no say so about it. I felt I had all the time in the world to think about starting a family, until I was told that I could not have children the traditional way. Initially I was ashamed; I did not want people to know. I had accomplished so much yet I could not do this basic thing. My crack head cousin has birth 7 children and I can have one! It was very traumatic and I refused to believe it was true. By the time the third doctor informed me that I was unable to conceive naturally, I had no choice but to believe it was true. I joined support groups, cried for days and felt like staying in bed all day. Then like decided the world was not gonna end because I could not have a baby. I picked myself up and decided to keep pushing. Aint no point in crying over spilled milk.



And honestly, there are times that I am thankful that I do not have any children. I love to travel, I love to jump up and leave when I get ready, I love to spend money on frivolous things and at times I can be pretty selfish. I am pretty sure these are not favorable motherly traits.

I don’t concentrate on my inability to have children very much, but every time I hear that some one is pregnant it reminds me I am unable to bear children. I often wonder who will take care of me when I am older. Will I be an old lady with a million cats? LOL. Seriously… I doubt it!

The word no is a foreign concept to me. I am the type of person that looks for answers. If no answers can be found… then so be it, but you won’t be able to say I did not try. Currently I am looking into in vitro fertilization (IVF) or adoption. My sister agreed to be a surrogate for me if I needed it and two of my girlfriends agreed to give me eggs. What love my sister and friends must have for me to help me have a baby! I am carefully considering IFV, but the cost is no joke. It takes some serious dough to have a test tube baby.



The average IVF cost is $12,000, but it can be as much as $15,000. It may be as low as $10,000, but it’s rarely lower than that. These prices are for one cycle of IVF. The prices are enough to make me scratch me head and ask myself is this something you really want. I am amazed that the procedure is so costly and 99.9% is not covered by my insurance company.


I’ve decided to get as much information as I can and to speak to as many good doctors that will give me their time and pray on it. I’ve been a firm believer of what will be….will be. This is an issue that I must consult with God. He has to give me the go ahead, because without his blessing this could be a big waste of time and money. And let’s face it baby or no baby a sistah needs all the money she can get…for real.


Right now I am purely just seeking information. I am trying to understand if I really want kids, or do I want kids because I can not have kids. I am young right now and at times I feel that children are not necessary but what about when I am old, will I regret that I never made an attempt to have children? I don’t know the answer to that question just yet.