Transitions

I get the feeling that we are addicted to the messy parts of each other lives. As much as we smile in each others face and say wonderful things about one another we really want to know the dirt on you. In recent days I have attempted to look at the positive side of people… ya know trying to believe that the inner good in a person out weighs the negative composition. I must admit I am inherently a pessimistic individual but I desire to change. So as an experiment when people try to get me upset or ask me what I think about a person/situation I’ve tried to speak a bit more positive. The reaction I get is wayyyyy more subdued than if I was gossiping or talking trash. Some one would say…” So what did you think of XYZ I know you have not seen her in years.” I would say…” I was happy to see her, she looks like she is living well and enjoying life.” The person looks at me crazy and says…” oh… okay”. Or I may get a totally different reaction like “She may be looking okay but I heard that she just got out of rehab and her spouse is a drunk.”

We have become so accustomed to bashing each other that we no longer know how to love one another. Recently I’ve grown extremely tired of caring about other people’s business and speaking negatively of them. Trust… I was the Queen of Gossip. I loved it… I breathed it… I lived for it… I am known for it, but it is tiring. For once I just want to see that the results would be if I put positive vibes about people in the universe, if I spoke good of them and wished them well. I read in one of my magazines last month that a great way to release tension and resentment towards other people is to pray for them. The more you hate them, the harder you pray for them. I attempted this action because I think it is harder to hold on to negative energy when you are speaking honestly and directly with the Lord.


We all are human and we all are born flawed. Some are better than others at disguising their flaws while others wear them like a badge of honor. Personally I’ve seen the hurt of gossiping and more importantly it hurts me more. I also know it does no good for us to expose the inner struggle of others…especially if they want to keep wearing their disguise. In 2010 I would like to become more positive, more vibrant, more prayerful and a better person. Everyone deserves to be happy and to experience joy. If I do not hear from you Have a wonderful Christmas and a Excellent New Year!

On The Verge of a Melt Down

I planned on blogging about something else but I kept feeling a tug in my spirit today. Most of the time when I feel this “tug” it means that God wants me to pray or he wants to hear from me. Sometimes I try to ignore it but it becomes increasingly harder to ignore with each passing minute. It’s like an itchy spot…. they tell you not to scratch it but the more you ignore it the more it itches.

Today a co-worker is really working my last nerve and I have to try to remain professional and easy going. If I am speaking to another co-worker she turns around in her chair and joins in on the conversation without being asked to join. She constantly watches other people computer monitor and asks “what chu looking at”, she stays on Facebook more than she does her work, which puts the entire department behind. Long story short she is a pain in the behind.
As I type this I can feel her eyes on my screen trying to figure out what I am doing…..

Thank the Lord that I was led to pray because today was getting really hard to deal with her shenanigans. Have you ever felt like “Let this heifer do one more thing and it’s on”… well that is how I have been feeling towards her. I have to pray because the negative vibes is very heavy and I just don’t need to carry that weight around.

If you are feeling a bit overwhelmed or frustrated try praying….it’s working for me and God is ready to listen.

Sucessful, Black and Lonely

Ms Andrews in the video above speaks of the challenges that many college education, single black women face. Yes we have heard it all before about I about a snow ball’s chance in hell of getting married. Let’s see…..most of the black men are gay, in jail or dead. If a successful black woman wants a successful man she may want to think about crossing racial lines.

I know successful black women are known as bitches in many circles. But let’s face it ….some of us are just plain ole bougie, elitist and classist. And based on home girls article in the Washington Post that exactly the issue. Check out what she says about one guy to her friends

I went on a date last night with Cornrows," Andrews says, using the nickname that her friends have given the man. "I got in his car and there was this strawberry smell fragrance. I had to roll the window down by hand. I assume it's paid for."
Cornrows, she says, seems nice, but that is the problem. "He can put together coherent sentences, but they are not in any way related to my life," she says. She laughs, but catches herself. She knows the man is trying hard. She also knows Cornrows doesn't stand a chance.
"I'm a mean woman. I don't date nice people. That's why I'll be alone for the rest of my life. I will always have to settle."

If you are not interested then you should just keep it moving and find a man that you are interested in. If you don’t want a man with cornrows and has a strawberry smelling car then why you f”ing with a man with those attributes?

Now I don’t disagree with everything the sistah had to say. She disgusted having a “winter boo”. I ‘ve had a winter boo or two. If you are not familiar with a winter boo is someone you kick it with when it’s cold outside. She explains it perferctly.

He can drive when the wind is whipping down the sidewalk.
"It's like a booty call, but it's not," Andrews says.
"It's like you like him enough to bring him out to public settings. They like, serve a seasonal purpose."
But what happens in the summer, you ask.
There is no such thing as a summer boo. You are supposed to be out. Be free."
The catch?
"A winter boo doesn't know he's a winter boo," until summer comes and he has been set free.

Yes the single successful black woman is multi dimensional and can seem to have it all together. However, there are times when loneliness creep upon us like second skin. Who do we tell that we are starved for companionship when we pretend to have the most fabulous life? I admit there are times when I want companionship and other times I am happily single.

I used to look for the perfect man. One that could match my wit, match me financially, and take care of me for the rest of my life. Now I have a much simpler outlook on finding a man. He must be able to adequately take care of himself, he must have a sense of humor, he must love me and make me happy. Maybe looking for Mr. Perfect has slowed me down now it’s all about Mr. Perfect- For Me.

Can't Find a Job....... You're Not Alone

Unemployment rates are really high but through the roof if you are a young black man. Information obtained from polticsdaily.com suggests that unemployment for 16-24-year-old black men was 34.5 percent in October. This is just as high as it was during the Great Depression, the Washington Post reports. Young black women face similarly bleak employment numbers: 24.5 percent of them currently do not have jobs. Combined, young blacks have an unemployment rate of 30.5 percent, also equaling Depression-era numbers.

Employment status for young blacks statistically seems to be more affected by their race than their education or previous employment and income. Statistics from the Center for Labor Market Studies at Northeastern University show that lower-middle-class white teens have an easier time finding jobs than upper-middle-class black teens. Even African-Americans with college degrees have a jobless rate double that of their white peers.

I personally know what it is like to watch a black man look day in a day out for a job and as each day that passes by without employment feel more and more worthless. Trying to support someone who seems to be “unhire-able” is hard thing to do. Who knew that a bad economy could bring so much havoc on a relationship? I remember coming home each day asking “How was the job search?” At first he would answer that he put in X number of applications and was hoping to hear something soon. After the 3rd month of being jobless, when I asked “how was the job search”, he would give me the look of death. Finally he asked me not to ask him how the job search was because it just pissed him off. Then there were the many menial temporary jobs that would pay a low wage and last 1-2 weeks. It would be several weeks in between before another job was available. Of course paying the bills alone was starting to get old. I would look him upside the head like WTF….figure something out NOW. His family pretty much thought of him as a jobless loser and in the end his self esteem was in the toilet.

Sadly I could not take all the arguing and attitude from dude being jobless I felt I had to put him out. It wasn’t until I started looking to switch careers did I realize how hard it was to find a job. I looked in the papers, the internet and networked and still it was dry. Suddenly I was real thankful for my gig immediately thought about how I made boyfriend feel. I know we all need health care but I wish Obama would start to focus on this economy. News outlets are reporting that things are looking up….my question is where the hell they looking? Some people have gotten so frustrated with looking for a job they have simply stopped looking, while others have accepted jobs that pay less than they need to survive. This is causing the unemployment numbers to decrease but actually people are still suffering. Food pantries are being utilized by more people than ever; non profit agencies are assisting with more gas and electric bill than before. The homeless rate has skyrocketed.

It’s deplorable to watch Wall Street get bailed out and they give their employees six figure bonuses and the tax paper that paid for the bail out can’t afford the things they really need. Instead of having a damn tea party to protest the heath care bill we all need to demand that our government do something about this failing economy!


People if your job is hiring let people know. Surely someone knows at least one un/underemployed person. The classified section is not the way to find a job in this season…..knowing the right people can land you in a sweet position. So let’s not be selfish and down talk the brother or sister in your family that is struggling to find employment, instead offer to re-write their resume, be on the look out for jobs for them be compassionate about their situation. Remember some of us are just 1 paycheck away from homelessness.