Friday, April 22, 2011

Mommy or Not........ A Very Hard Decision

I feel so relaxed and refreshed I should go on vacation more often. I spent 5 glorious days in NOLA and I had a blast. It was relaxing, exciting, fun and educational. But even with all that relaxation I still have something laying heavily on my mind.

A few years ago I decided that I wanted a baby and adoption was my best option. Last year I began to look into the process and evaluate different agencies. I found one I liked and decided to explore it further. I looked at adoption DVD’s, read brochures and spoke to several representatives. I was deflated when I found out the adopt cost would run me between 20,000- 30,000. Of course I don’t have that type of “spare” change lying around so I just gave up on the idea of adoption. At the time I wasn’t upset, I just felt that maybe I was made to be a super Auntie.

So I surrendered to the idea of not being a mommy and decided to live MY best life. Then out of now where a family member asked me to adopt their unborn child. She said that she could not take care of it properly and was putting it up for adoption but she knew at one point I really wanted a child. I told her I would think about it and get back with her later. Well that was 3 months ago, last week she called to tell me she was 7 months and she really needed me to make a decision because she could make other arrangements for the child. I asked for another week to think about it. Let me just tell you that this is one of the hardest decisions I have ever made!

Part of me is so scared of being totally responsible for another human being. What if the child turns out be a crack head or serial killer! What if I am not a good parent, what if I can’t afford everything the child needs, what if I work too much? I’m still in school how can I manage that with a new born? Can I really afford a child……what about daycare, isn’t that expensive?

Then I think, a baby would bring so much joy in your life. It would make this house a home. I could really leave my finger print on the life of child. My life would become much broader and my heart will experience a love like no other. These thoughts make me excited.

But then the negative thoughts come up. You are too busy for a baby, you barely have time to sleep now, you don’t make enough money for a baby. I just keep tethering back and forth. I have prayed and I am still unsure what to do. I have to let her know something by this weekend and I just don’t know what to do. I guess I will keep praying and try to make the best decision possible.

I am just so flabbergasted because last year adoption was all I could think about; now that I have a chance to do it I’m acting all scared. I wonder why this is happening. Well I’ll let y”all know my decision either way.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

French Ban Muslim Veil

A controversial new law banning the use of face veils in public places in France went to effect yesterday. The law prevents Muslim women from wearing the niqab, a face veil that leaves a slot for the eyes or the burqa a full body garb which features a mesh cover for the face.

The French government feels that the veils are oppression against women and promote social exclusion and gender segregation. Some feel that the women who choose to wear the burqa and niqab have no choice because men make all the decisions. The French says this is not what their country represents and believes women should be treated as equals and should take their proper place in society. The burqa is not a religious sign,” Mr. Sarkozy said last year, but rather a “sign of subservience, a sign of debasement” of women.

The opposition feels this law is a violation of women rights prevents them from leaving the home and places them under house arrest. Many feel it is their right to wear the burqa and feels the law will criminalize women who choose to wear traditional wear. France is supposed to be a democracy, build on the differences of their national and embracing the religious rights of others. Some feel that this law is meant to stigmatize the Muslim community and is based in politics.

Many Muslim women consider the niqab a form of feminist expression, because it forces people to judge them by their character rather than their looks. No longer a slave to consumerism, niqab liberates women from the need to conform to unrealistic stereotypes and images dictated by the media. A woman wearing hijab have expressed that dressing modestly and covering their hair, minimizes sexual harassment in the workplace. The aura of privacy created by niqab is indicative of the great value Islam places upon women.

My dad was a Muslim and never forced me or my sister to wear the niqab or burqa. I understand Islamic principals and concepts and understand that many women enjoy being covered. Yes, some women are forced to cover, but majorities are not. Europe seems to be equating Muslims in their country with those of Algeria and Saudi Arabia, where women suffer great indignities. However, many of the Islamic fundamentalist detest European values and would not leave their country because they would essentially be out of their element. I say, if France believes in women’s right then let them have a choice. If they choose to wear the veil then let them. No one judges the French woman when she wears Prada and Louboutins! I agree no one should be forcing a woman to do something she does not want to do, not even the French government. Although many won’t admit it, but many people think Islam and terrorist are interchangeable words. With that mindset, laws are being created to subdue the Islamic culture, it is done primarily out of fear. Most Muslims are peace loving, God fearing people. I believe the French should leave this one alone. Many Westerners (including Americans) feel like the sign below.

Friday, April 8, 2011

The Abortion Band-Aid

The image above hangs on several bill boards in New York. I actually got offended when I saw the bill board. I never thought of abortion and genocide or used to make black children an “endangered species”. The Catholic Church and pro-lifers are responsible for the bill board. Yes I am pro-choice…… in fact I am very pro-choice. As much as I love my nephews and niece I encouraged both of their mothers to abort them as soon as they told me they were pregnant. My sister had her first child when she was 16. However, we didn’t find out she was pregnant until she was almost into her 7 month. The other two came before she was 25, my sister was not emotionally, financially or mentally equipped to take care of 3 kids. Thankfully those last two grew that girl up REAL quick. She is a great mother but her opportunities are very limited, she struggles to put food on the table and relies on government assistance. My niece belongs to my brother. When his baby mama told me she was pregnant I told her that I think my brother would suck as a father and if she decided to have the baby she would truly be a single mother. She was a nice girl, good job and in college. She has dropped out of college and is also struggling to provide for my niece. And as predicted my brother sucks as a father.

I did not recommend abortion because I didn’t want them to have kids. I wanted them to have a chance at life, to do the things they wanted to do. My sister always speaks about going to school to become a fashion designer, a buyer for a boutique or major department chain, she is also good with home d├ęcor. Now she talks about it as if it is a fantasy. Her main concern is raising 3 boys into dependable grown men, trust me it’s a full time job.

The pro-lifers feel that Black and Latino babies are being slaughtered by abortions. It is true that a large percent of abortions are performed on Black and Latino women. I know many women that have experienced and abortion and it is not something they do without any thought or emotion… most cases it HAS to be done.

By contrast, Alveda King, a niece of Martin Luther King Jr., calls herself a “reformed murderer” for undergoing two abortions when she was young.
Now an outspoken anti-abortion campaigner, King says the best way to reduce abortions among black women is to dissuade more of them from premarital sex.
“We give free sex education, free condoms, free birth control,” she complained. “That’s almost like permission to have free sex, and the higher the rate of sexual activity, the higher the rate of unintended pregnancy.”

However, teenage pregnancy is down 39%. Half of the roughly 1.2 million U.S. women who have abortions each year are 25 or older. Only about 17 percent are teens. About 60 percent have given birth to least one child prior to getting an abortion.

Often the women getting the abortions say they act in the interests of children they already have. In NY two of every five pregnancies in the city end in abortion, a statistic that has barely changed in more than a decade. If you look at the population most affected by abortion you would see economics is directly tied to abortions. A majority of these women are already struggling single mothers, many live below the poverty line and in communities that were stripped of viable job opportunities a long time ago.

I also understand that it is up to the ladies to open their legs and have unprotected sex. Yes they must assume some responsibility for their behavior, but what do you do when a child is in the womb. No one has time to point fingers, either you get an abortion or you take food out of your other kid’s mouth to feed the new kid!

Unemployment statistics for black and brown folks is sad. Take a look at the graph. We are getting our ass kicked in the labor market. According to the Census Bureau, the recession and the housing crisis have most adversely affected African American and Latino families. In 2009, the median income for African American households fell 4.4 percent to just $32,584. That represents just 60 percent of the median income of white households.

In the same period, Latino households saw a roughly similar income gap with white households, though they actually felt a 0.7 percent rise in incomes. More than 21 million people who self-identify as African American or Latino live below the federal poverty line. The federal government also reported that more than 50 million Americans went without health insurance in 2009. Almost half, or nearly 24 million, were African Americans or Latinos. Since the collapse of the housing market in 2007 and 2008, homeownership rates for African Americans fell substantially in 2009. In fact, Census Bureau estimates show that African Americans have fallen to the same rates as 10 years ago. Compared to then, the rate of white homeownership has grown by more than four percentage points.

It seems to me instead of being concerned with the rate of aborted babies that they should focus on the disparities in housing, employment and health care. Abortion is simply a consequence of the economic gap in America. Of course no one wants to address this issue. That would mean pouring federal and private dollars into communities with a low tax base. It would mean investing in two of the most underserved and discriminated minority groups. It would also mean that the people in control of land and dollars would have to admit that they have been vehemently and blatantly unfair to black and brown folks. Do you think they are ready to admit that…………… did I hear a resounding HELL NO!

Instead they choose to focus on abortion, how convenient. Now the GOP would like to stop funding Planned Parenthood. Forty-one senators have pledged to filibuster any bipartisan spending bill that includes an amendment to strip federal funding from Planned Parenthood, threatening an impasse with House conservatives.

Looking to show off its influence over the 2012 field early in the game, the anti-abortion group Susan B. Anthony List sent out an email Monday putting each of the leading GOP presidential contenders on record in support of pulling federal funds for Planned Parenthood. Sarah Palin, Haley Barbour, Mike Huckabee and Tim Pawlenty each provided statements to the group, while the rest of the field was able to point to previous comments making their positions clear.

Planned Parenthood does more than abortion, I’ve used them before. When I didn’t have insurance they provided GYN services on a sliding fee based on my income.

I personally support abortion ( if the women feels like that is what she wants to do….its her choice) and I support Planned Parenthood.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Musings of A Bitter Sistah

Last weekend I was inside my house with the widows up and I heard, “ Fat bitch, keep doing what you doing and I’mma beat you mutha fucken ass. Yeah tell yo mama that!” Of

Of course I ran to the window to see who was causing all the ruckus and it was the people across the street. The guy was yelling at his girl and calling her every name but the child of God. He was disrespecting her in a major way and not giving a damn who heard him. I could hear her screaming at him out the door but I could not decipher what she was saying.

I wanna know why the bum ass ninjas be the first one to show their ass. This “man” doesn’t work, always outside phucking with his car and entertaining a host of rowdy friends through out the day and just living off the back of his woman.

As you can tell this guy gets my panties in a bunch. I just hate to see men blatantly disrespecting women. It’s the one thing that can take me to 0-60 in 2.5 seconds. To me there is no reason, a couple should be cussing each other out in public………….. and if so it better be the end of the relationship. I’ve noticed that most of the men that act this way are LOSERS and have nothing to offer. They really mad at their self but like to reflect it outwardly. Someone please tell me why the person bring the least to the relationship is always the one causing most of the problems. Well that has been my experience and as you can tell from the bitterness of my musing that I have dealt with this type of ninja before. I guess that is why I got so pissed off when I heard him acting a fool. A friend of mine once told me never let a non working man live in your house because if you try and kick him out you would swear his name is on the lease and he purchased all the furniture. It would be easier to get a brick through the eye of a needle than to get a lazy man out of your house!

In my opinion these types of men rarely change and most had bad relationships with their mothers. Actually any man that vehemently calls a woman a bitch it makes my blood run cold. I just hate that, it is the one thing that would make me dislike a man instantly.

So anyway ole boy continues to yell “fat bitch, stupid hoe” and she is mumbling something out the window. I decided to close my window because I realized I was having a flash back moment from when I was in a similar situation. I stopped painting and made me some tea to relax my mind. Sometimes I gave to remember not to be so bitter because all men are not ninjas and lazy bums. But if one tries to flirt with you…… like your life depended on it.