Monday, July 30, 2012
I used to envy my married friends. I always wanted a person that I can count on and come home to everyday. I wanted a person in my life that knew me inside and out, a person that really loved the very essence of me. A man that I could fall asleep in his arms every night and we can pay our bills together and go on exotic vacations with one another. I would be able to tell him my darkest secrets and it wouldn’t faze him in the least. He would also share things with me as well. I would be his rock and he would be mine. In my fantasy world this was what a marriage was all about. Well now that am damn near knee deep in the almost married life I can’t lie and say that there are times that I want to escape in the middle of the night like a slave. Never did my fantasy include unemployment, the high price of gas and food, the fact that everything is not always 50/50. There are times when I’ve looked at my man and wondered if he was retarded…….FOR REAL. Sometimes he says and does some of the stupidest shit and my stomach feels like it’s in knots and I wanna scream you’re on your own partner! When you have been single for most of your adult life or not in a really serious relationship for years it is hard to constantly consider the partner in your life. When you’re used to flying solo it is hard to listen to the back seat driver that won’t shut the hell up. Trust me I love the guy I really do , but it is not always peaches and cream. It’s really hard work, walking away seems like a vacation sometimes. I knew it was going to be a challenge with him relocating in this rough economy but I never knew that I would feel like I was on a see-saw. There are times when I am at work and I can’t wait to get home to him. Then there are times when I can’t wait to leave the house and have a good stiff drink with my girls……FAR AWAY from him. It’s not about the money at all it’s more about the lack of space and me time that I have. I find that I have to schedule time with my friends because I have to now consider what he wants to do. I have to give him time or he will have a fit. Now I have to suffer through the man shows like Pawn Shop shows, those locked up shows that come on MSMBC, storage wars, alligator catchers, shark catchers, and nick at night. I have to shut myself in the other room to watch Lifetime, HGTV, VH1 and all the rest of my dramas. Then there is the cooking. The man eats like a beast. Food can last me awhile, but this brother eats like he has a tape worm growing in his tummy. I am often left looking at him like he is crazy when he gets a second plate. I know it sounds crazy but it’s just irritating. LOL is this normal?
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Oh my goodness its been awhile since we last spoke. Ya girl has been so busy it has been hard to post on a daily basis. I'm still in graduate school and it is so much harder than the last time I was in school. It takes a great deal of brain power to get to the finish line. Today I was tired when the professor asked me a question I just said, " I don't know". I didn't feel like pretending like I knew something I didn't. Luckily for me he moved on to the next person. Then my fiance has officially moved to St. Louis . What more can I say....this man has turned my quiet life upside down. I now have to remember that I am in a full fledged relationship,no longer is he all the way out in LA and I can hang out with my girls all the time. Homeboy want ALL of my attention and I must admit it is exhausting. I forgot how much men expect sex... honestly I be too tired to do it every day. Then there is the job. While I am grateful for my job saying it sucks just doesn't give it justice. I don't totally hate my job but I truly wish I was doing something more productive, fun and different. It always seems like its management vs workers, it can truly be a hostile environment at times. When I leave I am stressed the hell out. My wedding plans have been put on hold until we are in a better financial position. At first I was mad then I thought how the hell can I be mad when money is the issue and I don't have enough to have the kind of shindig I want. Mama and Daddy aint helping either so we will wait. My life seems so full right now that I barely have time to sleep. But life is good even with all the problems and issues... life is still pretty good. Look forward to post picking back up soon. I just wanted to say hello to you all.