Monday, July 30, 2012

Coupledom Is Crazy

I used to envy my married friends. I always wanted a person that I can count on and come home to everyday. I wanted a person in my life that knew me inside and out, a person that really loved the very essence of me. A man that I could fall asleep in his arms every night and we can pay our bills together and go on exotic vacations with one another. I would be able to tell him my darkest secrets and it wouldn’t faze him in the least. He would also share things with me as well. I would be his rock and he would be mine. In my fantasy world this was what a marriage was all about. Well now that am damn near knee deep in the almost married life I can’t lie and say that there are times that I want to escape in the middle of the night like a slave. Never did my fantasy include unemployment, the high price of gas and food, the fact that everything is not always 50/50. There are times when I’ve looked at my man and wondered if he was retarded…….FOR REAL. Sometimes he says and does some of the stupidest shit and my stomach feels like it’s in knots and I wanna scream you’re on your own partner! When you have been single for most of your adult life or not in a really serious relationship for years it is hard to constantly consider the partner in your life. When you’re used to flying solo it is hard to listen to the back seat driver that won’t shut the hell up. Trust me I love the guy I really do , but it is not always peaches and cream. It’s really hard work, walking away seems like a vacation sometimes. I knew it was going to be a challenge with him relocating in this rough economy but I never knew that I would feel like I was on a see-saw. There are times when I am at work and I can’t wait to get home to him. Then there are times when I can’t wait to leave the house and have a good stiff drink with my girls……FAR AWAY from him. It’s not about the money at all it’s more about the lack of space and me time that I have. I find that I have to schedule time with my friends because I have to now consider what he wants to do. I have to give him time or he will have a fit. Now I have to suffer through the man shows like Pawn Shop shows, those locked up shows that come on MSMBC, storage wars, alligator catchers, shark catchers, and nick at night. I have to shut myself in the other room to watch Lifetime, HGTV, VH1 and all the rest of my dramas. Then there is the cooking. The man eats like a beast. Food can last me awhile, but this brother eats like he has a tape worm growing in his tummy. I am often left looking at him like he is crazy when he gets a second plate. I know it sounds crazy but it’s just irritating. LOL is this normal?

1 comment:

rere77 said...

I am not married and no where near marriage but i get what you say when talk about losing your space and doing it your way. I am in a relationship and like you i thought i wanted that oh so special guy, but i also did not factor in that in getting the guy i would have to lose part of me and as you believe me I love this guy a mill and more ...but i guess that whats relationship brings you lose part of you but in losing part of you you discover a different part of you you didn't realise was keep at it