Friday, March 28, 2008

A World On The Brink Of Hell

Today I was listening to the news and heard that a 12 year old girl was allowed to work in a strip club in Dallas, TX. According to court documents, the 12-year-old told club employees that she was 19, but couldn't give them identification and didn't know what year she was born if she were that age. The club still allowed this child to dance in their establishment. I swear this world is going to hell with gasoline draws. I've been to strip clubs and could not imagine being on stage, let alone a 12 year old, with 12 year old thoughts being the object of sexual desires. Hell at 12 years old I still loved my Cabbage Patch Doll, I still jumped double dutch, I still watched cartoons and I was basically still a kid. I know that kids today live in a very different world than I did in the 80's, but who would take advantage of a child like that. Yes, this child probably did not have the parental guidance or family support, but we gotta get back to being the village.
Anyway, it's Friday nite and I am blogging and watching one of my favorite movies, Waiting to Exhale. Man I love this movie, it's still so relateable. I wish I had a good bottle of wine: that way I would be sleep already. I am pissed because I live in this nice ass apartment, but the refrigerate work only half the time. It's a new "ice box", but sometimes it gets hot and stop working, then all the sudden it kicks back on. Luckily I never have food or I would be cussing someone out at the leasing office. Well I'll holla at y'all later.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Learning Me

As strange as it may sound, I am still learning me. Yes, I've been me for the last 32 years, but there are somethings that I've denied myself for years. I've been a conformist for most of my life and it's really tiring. I was reading O magazine one day and a quote damn near knocked me on my feet. The quote said, " Let the world know you as your are, not as you think you should be. Cause sooner or later if you are posing, you will forget that pose, and then where are you?"

People I am so tired of posing. I went to school for business because it was easy and my most influential friend at the time was going to school for business. Instead of admitting that I was almost a junior in college and still did not know what I wanted to be when I grew up was not something I wanted people to know so I conformed.

Dating men that were not my style or not really into the things that I was into was apart of my 20's lifestyle. As long as he was perceived as a great catch then that was all that matter. Forget, that I was going through relationship after relationship. I wanted the perfect relationship like my friend Debra. Debra has a wonderful husband, a great kid and everything seems romatical and divine in her life. So instead of searching for a man that was good to me, I wanted someone exactly like Debra's man.

Insecurity ran through me like blood in my veins. I always carried my insecurities with me, they never left my side. I'd try to hide them and pretend that I had confidence but really I was always comparing myself to others in the room. At some point in my life I convinced myself that I was not pretty enough, smart enough, strong enough, ect...

Finally at the great age of 30, I began to realize this is my life. I want my life to reflect me, not someone else life I've been emulating. I want to live my life on my terms, good and bad, but still my life. So far I've decided to just be me and let people love me or hate me for that. People pleasing is very hard and time consuming. Embracing my fears and faults is all part of getting to know and accept me.

Today I looked in the mirror and saw a curly grey hair along my hair line. I smiled and thought damn I earned that one. I ran my fingers through my locs and felt proud that I decided to go against the grain and go natural. I've also decided to go back to school this summer. Although I like business, business comes natural to me and it is easy. Most of the things I learned in business school I already knew. So I've decided to go to school for something totally different than business. Something that makes money, yet fulfilling and challenging. I've decided to go to school for............................. Civil Engineering. I know that it will be hard, due to all the math and science classes, but I am ready for the challenge. My job will pay a great deal of the tuition, so I will not come out with an extreme amount of debt like I did with the bachelor and master degree I have. I love learning, my mind craves information and my soul craves change.

For the last 3 years I've been living my life like it's golden. That's right MY LIFE. Never let someone define your life. Life is precious and meant to be lived to the fullest. Yes there will be regrets and moments of hurt. But you live and get over it. I encourage you to live YOUR life the way you want to live it and start today. The sooner the better.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Something About Michelle

I’ve avoiding talking about politics. But I must admit I like that Michelle Obama. I feel that she has an understanding and sense of what everyday folks go through on a regular basis. Let’s face it, women are strong influences over their husbands, and if this sistah makes it to the White House change is eminent.

When you look at Michelle she gives you that sistah vibe. Regardless of her economic or social status it seems she can relate to everyone on some level or another. Last week I was listening to her on the Ricky Smiley Morning Show and she revealed that she and Barack are still a few years off from paying off their student loan debt and they currently still live on the south side of Chicago. As a person who still has student loans in forbearance status, I am excited to know that a possible President and First Lady could relate to me in this way. Not to mention, these people could live wherever they wanted in Chicago. Most would prefer the best subdivision their money could buy. Nevertheless, they chose to live close to everyday folks. I likes that. It makes them seem………relatable.

Yesterday Michelle appeared on 360 with Anderson Cooper. Soladad O’Brien interviewed Mrs. Obama and one of the interesting “bait” questions asked by O’Brien was.” You were and are high-powered, highly-compensated female executive, which is a tough thing to get to. And then you're going after somebody else's dream.” First and foremost when you are married, you are a team. It takes a very strong woman to place her husband’s desires ahead of her own. But Michelle answered the question by saying “My view of career is that I can always have whatever career I want. That's why I made these choices and worked hard and got my education. I don't question that I can go back to that job or go back to something else interesting.”

Why must she defend her choice to support her husband? No one has asked these questions to Cindy McCain. I get the feeling that with or without Barack, Michelle would still be a powerful and successful woman. However, she has decided to put her support behind a man that has the potential to be the FIRST black president. I think that is an effort with supporting.

Soladad O’Brien went on to say “But a lot of times, your career helps define who you are.” Unfortunately, for her she had to be checked again. Michelle said “It doesn't for me. I mean, what I do in my life defines me. And a career is one of the many things I do in my life. I mean, how I -- I am a mother first. Where do I get my joy and energy? First and foremost, from my kids. In the midst of this campaign, what I've done is I don't campaign every day. I'm not gone for weeks on end. I will not go on a trip that will have me away for more than two days. And the campaign has understood that. I'm not going to miss a ballet recital. I'm not going to make them move their world around to accommodate me and Barack. We have to do the accommodating.”

See her kids won’t be out copping dope like Busch’s kids. She won’t be so busy trying to get her husband elected that she doesn’t focus on her kids. This woman understands the little people, the people that make America what it is today. I knew Obama would have my vote when Michelle stated

“As a wife and mother and a professional, you know, I'm doing what most women are doing, regardless of their race or their socioeconomic status. I'm juggling and struggling to keep my head above water, because this whole balancing act that is now the life of a woman and a family has become more and more impossible.And that's true for me who has resources. And if we're struggling, just imagine what's going on with folks who are getting up, working shift jobs where they don't have the flexibility to go see their kids' ballet performances, where they don't get sick days off, where they don't have insurance, they don't have access to quality and affordable childcare.I mean, women and families are drowning. And I think that what I'd like to do is bring voice to sort of the direction that we need to be going.”

See what I mean. I real woman of substance, integrity and character. I am ready for change, and I think with the Obama’s in the White House……………. as Sam Cooke would say………… It’s been a long time coming but I know change gone come……. oh yes it is.

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Not A Golden Moment!!!!!

Hey Everyone,

I know I have not posted in awhile, but the posting will be more frequent soon. I've just purchased a new lap top. I am waiting for my network provider to hook up the internet in my apartment. My life has changed so drastically since moving to St. Louis. First and foremost, I decided to try a relationship. The relationship thing is very hard for me. I've been single for a long time and sharing my time and space seems to be a hard thing for me. My guy seems to have an issue with me making more money than he does. Which is a big problem for me. I work HARD, and I get paid what I deserve, actually I think I am worth more. However, my pay is fair. My guy wants ALL my time, he calls constantly, when he's not calling he's at my place. Most of the time I feel smothered and wish he would just get him a life. I have feelings for him, and I really want this relationship thing to work, but right now my career is number one in my life. I moved home to be closer to family and friends and honestly since hooking up with homeboy I haven't spent much time with family or friends.

Then it's his occupation (or lack of one). He moved from another state to be closer to me. I knew that finding a job would be tough, but I really feel that he is too relaxed about the situation. Unfortunately, he smokes ( which I hate) and what lil money he has, he spends on cigs. and other stupid things. When he goes job hunting, he goes in a hoodie and baggy jeans. I attempted to tell him that his choice of clothing may prevent him from finding a job. But, he feels that I am being bossy and unrealistic about his job search.

This relationship is on life support and I am ready to pull the plug. I feel obligated because he left Florida to be with me. I knew he would have to find a job, but I did not agree to fully support him. I had no idea he would be so relaxed about finding a job. Funny thing is.... when I was single all I wanted was a relationship. Now I have a relationship I secretly wish I was single again.

Today we got in an argument and I was told him to leave me the hell alone. Now he keeps calling and I am not sure if I am doing the right thing. Ladies and Gentlemen give me your best advise.