Monday, August 27, 2012

What About Your Friends

I have a friend who seems to think it is okay to share my personal business with her family. I’ve shared some of my relationship issues with her in hopes that she would give me her advice. I never knew she was telling her family my business. The other day I was speaking to her about an issue with my man and she says, “My aunt Marilyn said she don’t know why you still with him, she said she gonna add you to her prayer list. Marilyn said you are way too nice to be with a man like that.”

First of all let me say that I do not have a personal relationship with Aunt Marilyn and have only met her a handful of times. We most certainly have not swapped secrets, not to mention Auntie is at least 60 years old…way out of my age demographics as far as friends go.

So when she said this I looked at her crazy but did not respond. My behavior towards her has changed, I know longer share my information with her anymore. Our relationship is not as personal as it used to be. I barely call her anymore. Needless to say I was pissed when I found out that she thought it was a good idea to share my information with her family. Not to mention that she was so cool with it she even thought it was a good idea to tell me that she was putting my business in the street.
I am not really a catty woman and I don’t believe that all women are two faced and want to bring other women down. There is a myth out there that women can’t get along with other women and I do not believe that to be true.
I do believe there are some people who are insecure with themselves and find it refreshing to speak ill of others to make themselves feel a little better, especially when it comes to the relationship front. I also believe that these same people are people who are in most need of friends but are incapable of keeping them due to their own self destructive behavior.

I now tell this friend nothing but good things about my relationship. I even make up stuff sometimes to give the illusion that my relationship is the greatest thing since slice bread. I try to make it so sweet that it becomes sickening. I do this on purpose; this seems to be a person that won’t spread good news, only bad. It’s a shame that I do this but I rather do this and talk to her less frequently than to cuss her ass out and make her feel stupid.
All friends are built differently some are all around good people, while others are only good for one thing or another. There are some lessons I am still learning.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Love and Hip Hot Atlanta

One of guilty pleasures is watching Love and Hip Hop Atlanta. Yes, I know this show makes every self righteous black conscience, black aware person cringe. But hey, it is funny, sad, amusing and entertaining for me to watch. After watching the latest episode I was appalled and more than a little upset.

One of the shows main characters K. Michelle (KM) was speaking to some young lady about domestic violence and her experiences around the issue. KM alleges that one of her ex-boyfriends abused her and spent up a great deal of her advance money on frivolous things like jewelry. She seems to be stuck in that place where she can’t get past what happened to her. The wound is very fresh as she still cries every time she speaks about it, if she is not crying she seems to shows veracious anger when talking our the situation.

The ex-boy friend now is married to another one of the main characters (Rasheeda) good friend. Rasheeda decided to tell KM that she doesn’t believe that she was actually abused by her ex-boyfriend and she thought KM was exaggerating. Of course all that anger spilled out and KM told her that it did happened and that she was not there so how could she say what really happened. KM starting yelling and crying and eventually stormed off.
This ticked me off because as women we are so quick to judge each other. I know Rasheeda probably felt some sort of loyalty to her friend and wanted to go on record to say she didn’t believe it, but was that the right thing….absolutely NOT. How does she know that her friend is not getting abused physically and/or emotionally? What does she know about this man in his past relationships and behaviors towards women?

I have been in an abusive relationship before and trust me I was not running around telling my friends that I getting beat up weekly and verbally abused daily. It wasn’t until I was ready to end that relationship that I revealed the truth. In the end I was angrier at myself than him because I tolerated the abuse, because I stayed and allowed myself to be mistreated. All abusers are not the same, but the truth is until a person seeks help they will always abuse at some point.

As women we need to stop making judgments and be more supportive towards one another. I am particularly concerned about black women, we speak so ill of one another, we have a serious jealously problem as well as no solidarity. We bash each other without a second thought, we are our own greatest enemy.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

The Olympics Are Over ....

So the Olympics are over and truly the women ruled the games. American women came to win and they really showed the world that we are strong, beautiful, talented and truly amazing!!!! However, even with all that celebrating going on there was indeed some hating in the atmosphere as well. Gabby is a 16 year old African American Princess who won two gold medals and was the first African American to win all round best gymnast and all black women could do is talk about how nappy her hair was. Are you fucking kidding me. This young lady made history and we gonna talk about the condition of her hair. First of all there is nothing wrong with her hair, most of us can barely do a damn cartwheel and will break out in a sweat just walking from the parking lot to our jobs. This young lady was ranked as THE BEST IN THE WORLD, and believe me that takes breaking a sweat. Gabby I appreciate you, thank you for showing other girls that if they focus on the inside and do what they love and put in a great deal of hard work they too can be an absolute success. While we were talking about how nappy her hair was. The main stream media kept talking about how her mama was broke and how her daddy left the mom and they were in the process of a divorce. They also had the nerve to try to determine if Gabby's dad was entitled to some of her earnings. Main stream American mind yo bidness! Whatever is going on in the Douglas home does not concern you are me. Yea her mama might be broke do you know how much it takes to training and prepare for the Olympics. It is very costly. Hell more than half of America is broke right now do what is the big deal. I have never seen people go after a person like they went after Gabby and her family and people it is really unfair. Next up is Lolo. Lolo was accused of being overexposed and outshining the rest of the rest of the American track and field team. She did not win the gold and as if that was not devastating enough she was ripped to shreds by some sports writers. Trust me you do not feel as bad as Lolo does. She is quoted as saying “I worked six days a week, every day, for four years for a 12-second race and the fact that they just tore me apart,” she said, struggling with her words. “It was just heartbreaking.” Lolo my heart goes out to you know that if you did your best that is all we can expect. Winning is great but there are many that did not make it as far as you did and many of us are still proud of you and are happy to have you represent our country. Ms. bootieful Serena really served it up and won the gold. After winning Serena did a little dance that many referred to as the "Crip Walk". This is a dance that is suppose to be synonymous with the Crip gang. Seeing that she is from Compton, Ca I guess everyone might have thought she was bigging up the Crips. Now I know and you know that Serena aint no damn Crip. Hell my little 8 year old nephew has done that dance and I know damn well he aint no crip. If you won something as big as an Olympic gold medal you might do a little gig too. People grow the hell up she was simply celebrating and having a good time. I salute you Serena for an excellent job well done.

Monday, July 30, 2012

Coupledom Is Crazy

I used to envy my married friends. I always wanted a person that I can count on and come home to everyday. I wanted a person in my life that knew me inside and out, a person that really loved the very essence of me. A man that I could fall asleep in his arms every night and we can pay our bills together and go on exotic vacations with one another. I would be able to tell him my darkest secrets and it wouldn’t faze him in the least. He would also share things with me as well. I would be his rock and he would be mine. In my fantasy world this was what a marriage was all about. Well now that am damn near knee deep in the almost married life I can’t lie and say that there are times that I want to escape in the middle of the night like a slave. Never did my fantasy include unemployment, the high price of gas and food, the fact that everything is not always 50/50. There are times when I’ve looked at my man and wondered if he was retarded…….FOR REAL. Sometimes he says and does some of the stupidest shit and my stomach feels like it’s in knots and I wanna scream you’re on your own partner! When you have been single for most of your adult life or not in a really serious relationship for years it is hard to constantly consider the partner in your life. When you’re used to flying solo it is hard to listen to the back seat driver that won’t shut the hell up. Trust me I love the guy I really do , but it is not always peaches and cream. It’s really hard work, walking away seems like a vacation sometimes. I knew it was going to be a challenge with him relocating in this rough economy but I never knew that I would feel like I was on a see-saw. There are times when I am at work and I can’t wait to get home to him. Then there are times when I can’t wait to leave the house and have a good stiff drink with my girls……FAR AWAY from him. It’s not about the money at all it’s more about the lack of space and me time that I have. I find that I have to schedule time with my friends because I have to now consider what he wants to do. I have to give him time or he will have a fit. Now I have to suffer through the man shows like Pawn Shop shows, those locked up shows that come on MSMBC, storage wars, alligator catchers, shark catchers, and nick at night. I have to shut myself in the other room to watch Lifetime, HGTV, VH1 and all the rest of my dramas. Then there is the cooking. The man eats like a beast. Food can last me awhile, but this brother eats like he has a tape worm growing in his tummy. I am often left looking at him like he is crazy when he gets a second plate. I know it sounds crazy but it’s just irritating. LOL is this normal?

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Hello..... Its been a minute

Oh my goodness its been awhile since we last spoke. Ya girl has been so busy it has been hard to post on a daily basis. I'm still in graduate school and it is so much harder than the last time I was in school. It takes a great deal of brain power to get to the finish line. Today I was tired when the professor asked me a question I just said, " I don't know". I didn't feel like pretending like I knew something I didn't. Luckily for me he moved on to the next person. Then my fiance has officially moved to St. Louis . What more can I say....this man has turned my quiet life upside down. I now have to remember that I am in a full fledged relationship,no longer is he all the way out in LA and I can hang out with my girls all the time. Homeboy want ALL of my attention and I must admit it is exhausting. I forgot how much men expect sex... honestly I be too tired to do it every day. Then there is the job. While I am grateful for my job saying it sucks just doesn't give it justice. I don't totally hate my job but I truly wish I was doing something more productive, fun and different. It always seems like its management vs workers, it can truly be a hostile environment at times. When I leave I am stressed the hell out. My wedding plans have been put on hold until we are in a better financial position. At first I was mad then I thought how the hell can I be mad when money is the issue and I don't have enough to have the kind of shindig I want. Mama and Daddy aint helping either so we will wait. My life seems so full right now that I barely have time to sleep. But life is good even with all the problems and issues... life is still pretty good. Look forward to post picking back up soon. I just wanted to say hello to you all.

Friday, May 18, 2012

Student Loan Debt Bomb

I have been hearing so much about student loans lately and all the negative aspects of a weak job market. I have a ton of student loans and I must admit I am super nervous about my repayment options. Right now I could not afford to repay what I actually owe. I was hoping to obtain a great job that pays more money than I currently make. Of course this is merely a hope and not quite based in the real reality of the current job market. I had my first interview for an entry level position in my field of Finance, I never heard back. I thought it was a bit rude, but I was told this was the new normal in job searching. Companies are not even bothering with the………..thanks but no thanks type of deal. Well many students are facing this every day. They spent a ton of money getting that fancy pants degree and now it seems to be just a piece of paper hanging in a nice frame next to your high school graduation photo on your mama’s wall. Many finance experts say the next financial explosion will come from the massive amount of student debt that has been financed by the government. Many predict that if the job market does not improve that the government will see a massive amount of student loan defaults. It will not be very long before the government has provided 1 trillion dollars in student loans. Experts say this default could be worse than the housing bubble. But what are students suppose to do. I was listening to NPR and they asked the question “Why so many people with PHD’s are on food stamps?”
My guess is the same reason Lakeysia down the block is on food stamps………….THEY ARE BROKE and still need to eat. Now mainstream media want to focus on poverty and debt, when it was a minority issue it was not a problem. But guess what…………bad credit, payday loans, cash for gold, disconnection notices, EBT cards, unemployment checks and Medicaid has shown up on the white side of town. Now it is an official got-damn problem. Actually one guy blamed poor folks for this dilemma, he stated that poor people have started getting degrees in massive numbers and that is the reason for tall the student loan debt. While that may be true, poor people were lead to believe if they got an education it would be worth the investment to get the loans. But we did not anticipate being in a recession for years. Currently student loans have to be repaid… if not there are consequences and repercussions. The government can garnish your wages, put a lien on your home, take your income tax check, and ruin your credit. I do believe this will be a situation that the American people will have to deal with at some point.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

War On Women 2012

I was watching CNN (not sure of the show just turned on the TV) and the host was saying that Romney gets the pulse of women from his wife Ann. Apparently Ann told him that right now women are mostly concerned with jobs for their children as well as jobs for themselves. Ann told her husband that the economy is women's greatest concern right now.

Democratic strategist Hilary Rosen then said what does Ann know about what working women are concerned with when she never worked a day in her life. Hilary stated that Ann has no idea what it is like to be an average everyday woman going to work and trying to figure out how she is going to feed her kids and pay the mortgage. She did not think it was a good idea for Ann to be advising her husband on women issue when she could only come for the point of a rich housewife.

I must agree with both Hilary and Ann. Yes if you are a working woman you are greatly concerned about the economy. But I also agree with Hilary, Ann don't know shit about a working woman's struggle. But that is not to demean what a stay at home Mom does. I know that a stay at home Mom sacrifice her ambition to be a Mom. I know that her contribution to the home mostly goes unnoticed and that she receives not pay for her work.

But the real part of me says if your man makes enough money for you to stay at home then you are not that damn financially strapped. I live and work around people who are struggling to survive. I see people trying to keep their home, trying to keep the repo man off their cars, trying to figure out how the hell they gonna get their kids to college without coming out with massive debt. Most of the Moms I know are single and Ann sure as hell cant tell their story.

Right now Americans want this damn economy fixed and we don't give a fuck who fix it. I personally want to see Obama do a second term but I admit I was a bit taken back when the democrats tried to distance themselves from Hilary Rosen. They starting to act all shy again. Yes women voters are a big part of the pie and no one wants to offend them. But the truth is the truth and aint no backing down from the truth

Becky Is Getting On My Muthaf%$##$ Nerves

When I say Becky I am generally referring to White women. I am not generalizing all White women because many of them are ambitious hard working women. But the few that try to ride other people coat tails to the top get on my damn nerves.

I am working on team project and it counts as 60% of the total grade for the class. I am in the group with two other people. We orginally started with five people but the other two decided to drop the class.

So this is a huge project and requires a great deal of hard work, time and comittment from the group. The other two people in the group are white. I have become used to being the only black in a social, work and schoolistic setting.

The first week we met up and divided up the work for the project. I noticed that Becky took the simpilest easist part of the project. But I thought she was going really go hard and put a lot more into it since me and the other guy had a majority of the project.

The second week of the project we brought back our work to see what we had so far and to see if we could be of any assistance to each other. I had 5 pages of solid work, the guy in the group had tons of his work completed. Becky showed up with one page of bullshit!

Then she starts acting all flirty with the guy in the group and he tells her since he is almost done his part he could help her with her part. I'm like really WTF, this bitch aint did shit but showed up with a few words on a piece of paper.

The same type of shit be occuring on the job. Becky's start acting all ambitious and shit and when it is really time to do some work, they start looking for a more experinced person to do the real hard work. Then of course after that they got the nerve to want to take full credit for the the shit.

Like I said this does not apply to all White women, some come to play and come to win. I know laziness can come in many shades, and is not exclusive to white women. But when you see White women passing you up no matter how much education you have. You see managment prefer they be the spokesperson the company.

People tend to believe them first before making them prove themselves. Whereas I have to prove I am smart, intelligent and worthy of a fair shot. And in many cases I have found that the Becky winds up hating me because they assumed I was an easy target and they were the smarter one.

I am just letting off steam because I am working on this damn project and Becky just texted that she could not show up. I could strangle that heifer right about now.

Thursday, April 12, 2012


Merging two lives together is no joke. I am a planner and a saver. Yes I spend money on frivolous things but I really like to make sure my bills are paid first. However, my man is the total opposite. He likes to stay looking good and fly but likes to pay his bills last.

This is not an attractive trait. Actually its a freaking turn off to me. How the hell you wanna stay looking fly and your lights about to be turned off? We have had so many fights about money that its not even funny. He thinks Im a tight wad who plans like Im about to retire or die tomorrow. I believe in putting insurance on everything and contributing to my 401k.

Im sure he has never thought of his 401k and saving is not even in his vocabulary. The man is trying to turn me into him. He ask why I dont spoil myself, why I dont have a Coach purse, Why I dont pay 100's of dollar for tennis shoes, why I drunk before I go to the club. I look at him like he a plum damn fool. Most of the time I say ninja Imma be rich while yo broke azz go be begging me for cash.

I understand the live for the day mentality but I dont know if I can get past his negligence with money

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Can You Imagine

So the cause of Whitney Houston's death as been ruled as an accidental drowning. They found cocaine and Xanax in her system along with heart disease. This is really not breaking news to many of Whitney's fans. We hoped that they did not find drugs in her system but privately we knew it could be a possibility.

In Whitney I saw some of my own family members, fighting for their life back. Trying to break free of demon that just seems to haunt them and stick to them like glue. I have a few close family members that had a private battle with crack cocaine. But at least they had anonymity on their side. They could fight the battle at their own pace, but Whitney did not have that privilege.

Can you imagine the whole world knowing your weakness and it being played out in the media? Imagine your worst day being exposed to the world to see and to judge. Imagine trying your best and failing over and over again all while people watch. That would be hard to take, but our celebrities deal with this daily.

Now imagine being Bobbi Kristina and losing your mama while the world looks on and show you pity. They follow you around and judge you just like they did your mama. People that claimed to be her friends took pictures of Whitney in her casket! The woman could not live in peace nor could she die in peace.

While the money is great it almost seems like a miserable life doesn't it.

Treyvon Martin

I know the whole country is ablaze with talk about the senseless killing of Treyvon Martin. I like many of you was taken aback by the situation when I first heard it, then I felt nothing. Yes I was numb, I'm from the ghetto so I am used to black men being killed for no apparent reason than being at the wrong place at the wrong time.

In 2003 my brother was murdered. I am still not sure what happened but I do know my brother was shot in the head and left to die in a dirty alley. It was the hardest thing that I ever had to deal with in my life. I could not talk about it for years without breaking down in tears. So many nights I thought about taking my own life because I could not imagine living in a world without him. I could not imagine breathing when he could not breath, being warm while he was laying in a cold grave. It was a time that all I could do was go to work. I could not socialize, maintain a relationship, clean my house or just be normal. I was depressed beyond belief. The police did very little to find his killer. They treated his death like another black man killed........oh well. It was like his life did not matter to them.

With that said I can relate to the parents of this 17 year old child. Wanting justice and the people who are suppose to protect you are ignoring you and your pain. What I can not imagine is knowing the killer of my child is roaming free and there is nothing but God keeping you from taking his life.

Yes it is a fact that some....not all white people see black people, especially men as suspects. Black men remind them of the creepy figures in the dark that is set out to kill them and rape their daughters and wives. Black men seem like a powerful dark force that must be stopped before they get out of control. Like wild animals that must be controlled and contained.

This fear led "the self appointed block caption" to shoot a 17 year old boy armed with a tea and skittles in the chest and kill him. This fear lead this grow man to follow this teenager like he was thief ready to steal at a moments notice.

I just pray that this child life is not in vain and that something good comes out of this bad situation

Thursday, March 1, 2012

True Beauty

It’s one of the most important events in your life, people will be looking at you. Millions of people will be critiquing your dress, your hair, your make up and even checking to see if your teeth are white enough. The question is will you go with the trend or will you do your own thang and simply be yourself?

Well Viola Davis decided to be herself and she looked beautiful! She left the wig at home and works her natural hair. Her dress complimented her skin tone, the muscle definition in her arms made it clear that this women really takes care of her body. Her smile was mega watt and you could tell she was at ease and full of grace.

She said she asked her husband what she should do with her hair, he told her to wear it like she does when she was at home. To me that says that he thought she was more beautiful when she was just herself. I loved the look and I know many others like the way she looked as well.
Before you get all upset I don’t have anything against weaves or wigs. I have worn them before and it is a very high chance that I will be wearing a wig or a weave sometime in the near future. However, I always get more compliments when I wear my in its most natural form. As a matter of fact most of the time less is more. The less makeup, the less hair and simply dressed is when I turn more heads.

We have been taught and socialized to think that as women we need a full glamour squad to feel beautiful, when the truth is the beauty is on the inside. A true confidant woman has beauty that spills over from the inside to the outside. And a true man knows real beauty when he sees it!

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Black Women In America

Being Black in America has become much easier than it was in my Grandmother and Great-Grandmother days. But it still aint no walk in the park. We have learned to adjust to our surroundings and have made ourselves successful in the direst of situations.

I am the eldest of four children and took on a great deal of the burden in my household by helping raise my siblings. I started babysitting when I was about 9 years old. My mother worked outside the home and on the weekends she needed me to watch the kids. At the time I had two brothers one was 7 and the other was 1. When I was 10 my mother gave birth to my sister so I started watching her too. I was resentful but I knew that this was not an option. I helping my family survive and it simply had to be done. This were I learned that family always comes first. It is expected that sacrifices be made to make things work, no matter how uncomfortable they are.

My father was in and out the home. When he was at home the financial stability her brought to the household was amazing. When daddy was home we had the best of everything. We ate good, we dressed good, we looked good and mama didn’t have to work as hard to make the ends meet. But when daddy left things went back to normal and we back to me and mama co-parenting the kids and keeping the house together. This is where I was taught that as a woman you gotta get your own you can’t depend on a man. Even if a man looks dependable always keep a few dollars hidden so if he leaves you won’t fall off.

I went to college and thought that doors would swing open and people would beg me to work for their organization. Well…..needless to say that didn’t happen. I graduated with my bachelors degree in Business Administration in 1999. I had a few nice jobs but when it lay off time it was like a first in, first out type of deal. I went back to get an Advanced degree because I was drilled that the more educated you were the better your chances of getting that six figure job. Yes I got that degree and got a job after looking for 6 months. However, it took 4 years to make a decent salary.

The Washington Post and Kaiser did research on Black women in America and here are some of the findings.

More than a fifth of black women say being wealthy is very important, one in 20 white women.

Sixty-seven percent of black women describe themselves as having high self-esteem, compared with 43 percent of white women.

Forty percent of black women say they experience frequent stress, compared with 51 percent of white women.

Nearly half of black women fear being a victim of violent crime, compared with about a third of white women.

Forty percent of black women say getting married is very important, compared with 55 percent of white women

63 percent of black women said it is acceptable to have a child without being married, roughly the same percentage as white women.

I can attest to all of those findings I over value being financially sound. My self-esteem is very high because I have trained myself to think that I am beautiful. After years of being down played for my dark skin and kinky hair, I decided f*ck what you heard I am phyne? So yeah I really don’t have a problem with how I look. Stress what can I say about stress.. there is more than enough of it to go around. Its always lurking somewhere. Being a victim of a violent crime is also on my list. I live alone in the city in a pretty big house. It wouldn’t matter if I lived in a tiny apartment. I always feel vulnerable like anyone can just come kick down the door and do whatever if they really wanted to. What can I do to stop them?

As a black woman we have so many titles. Ever heard of them…well here they go
The angry black woman, The strong black woman, The unfeeling black woman, The manless black woman, Welfare Queens, The work horse, The loud and obnoxious black woman, The black bitch and The black woman with an attitude.

I can personally say that people have used a few of those titles to describe me. Strong, bitch, manless and attitude. Normally these titles have been bestowed on me by people who either fear me and my potential to outshine them or they don’t know me.

Finances vs Love

The Post article stated that,
It is an age in which young black women see more options for themselves than ever. They can run a cable network (like Oprah Winfrey), lead a Fortune 500 company (like Xerox’s Ursula Burns), become an international pop icon (like Beyonce). Secretary of State? Condi Rice has been there, done that.
But even in this “age of Michelle Obama,” black women are rethinking the meaning of success and fulfillment. Many are concluding that self-empowerment is the road to happiness, and happiness does not require a mate.
“I can go to school. I can be successful. I can make money. I can have a career. That is in my power to control,” says Towan Isom, 39, who owns a public relations firm in the District. “Finding a husband — that would be great, but that’s not in my power to control.”

I’m going to agree with the sister. Making my coins and building a financially fit and stable life is of great importance to me, finding a soul mate…uh…not so much. Yes I have found someone whom I love and would like to spend the rest of my life with. However, when I met him I was not looking for him and it just never really made a difference to me if I ever got married. Yes there were times when I wanted to have a mate, but I dated pretty frequently and hell getting sexed up was never a problem for me.

As time went on many of my friends started having babies and getting married and I briefly questioned if that was the path the right path, At the time I was 30 unmarried and no children. I was chasing money living from state to state going after the most lucrative job offers. I am 35 now and I am still in the same space. I don’t know if that will change anytime soon.

Some say what is riches without someone to share it with. To that I say now that I found someone who loves me I am happy to grab is hand and walk through life. But I didn’t grow up being told I was a princess and that love would conquer all. All the women in my family worked and obtain financial freedom with the strength of their own minds and hands. I was expected to do the same thing. It’s was laughable to think a man would come along and make my dreams come true and that our love would bring us through the storms. I was taught.. “Girl if you wanna eat steaks, drink fine wines, go on vacation, own a home, drive a nice car and live the life you desire…YOU better make it happen.” And my Grandfather was one of the people that planted those seeds in my head. Did I believe love was possible well….yes. But on a level that I would find a guy he would work and I would work we would build a life together and no one would be 100% for the other person, unless there was a change in circumstances. And that is exactly what I got. However, if he never would have come along I would have been okay with it.
Breaking down stereotypes
Asha Jennings Palmer was quoted in the article said, “black women are too often viewed as flashy, provocative, eye-catching — imagery that makes her cringe. According to the stereotype, African American women — educated women — are b------, and they run men out of their lives

Yes I can most certainly relate to this. Like I said earlier I have been referred to has a bitch and made to feel that my education has cost me the likely hood of marriage. When you are the boss at work and you happen to be black if you ruffle a few feathers you are considered a bitch. Well this concept applies to women in general, However, I think it is just as hard as a black women being educated and salaried in the work place as it is being a regular worker. Some people expect the black woman boss to be an asshole and have an attitude. Of course she is single no man can stand to put up with her. I will call bullshit on that in a minute. I have been playing this corporate game for a minute and I am more educated and knowledgeable than most of my counterparts. Yet I have watch them climb up the ladder with little to no effort.

Interracial Dating

According to a 2010 study by the Pew Research Center that looked at the rates of interracial marriage among newlyweds in 2008, just 9 percent of black women married a spouse of a different race — a rate that was less than half that of black men.
The reasons for the gap between black women’s interest in interracial marriage and their rates of interracial marriage are complex, according to experts who have researched the subject. Studies of online dating, for instance, have shown that black women are less likely than other women to receive messages of interest from men of other races. Researchers attribute that to a social hierarchy that still undervalues them and unflattering stereotypes of black women — loud, aggressive — that remain in the popular culture.

Okay just turn on the television on any music channel and you will see a black beauty shaking and gyrating like her life depended on it. The black music industry idolizes a big black ass. It makes it seems as if all you need to stay laced with the best is big ole fat ass! Black women are more than likely the bread winner in their household. Most of us have babies with no daddy in sight. If you look at VH1 and Bravo and see Basket Ball Wives (most of which are not wives), The Real House Wives of Atlanta (most are not wives), Love and Basketball. If this is your only contact with black women personally ( which for a great deal of white folks it is) your likely to think very low of black women. In the show we come off as putting materialistic possessions before our self respect, our kids and any other value we are suppose to have. Not to mention that it shows that we cannot handle conflict and fight at a drop of a dime.
Okay we have Oprah, Beyonce, Michelle Obama and Condi Rice but they are marketed to the world like a freak accident. Like they some type of exception and a true rarity. Are they rare? The answer to that is HELL NO. Black women have been making things happen and doing amazing things since we graced the earth. No our accomplishments are not spread across the media lines. We normally don’t get kudos for our efforts, but rest assured there are plenty of fabulous black women, some work at the school serving lunches, some work in factories, others are stay at home moms, and plenty work at fortune 500 companies.

Let’s just say being a black woman in American is very complex. I will be glad when people stop analyzing us like we’re some type of abnormal species. We are an ever evolving group of people. It is really hard to categorize us, and I wish they will stop with their (mainstream white America) attempt.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Friends and Your Business.. Does the Two Mix?

So I’m at my friend house picking a drill I let her borrow. I sit down for a minute and we start talking. I start venting about some issues that I am having with my man. She responds by saying, “ Yeah I was telling Aunt Annie about you and your guy and she says she don’t know why you put up with it.”

First of all I only met her Aunt Annie twice and the lady has to be at least 60+ years old. Of course I’m looking her upside her damn head trying to figure out why the hell is her and her Aunt discussing my personal business. I mean at least why the f*ck you sitting up here telling me that you shared my business with a woman a barely even know? Clearly she doesn’t know when to shut the hell up!

She still sitting up there talking and I’m calling her all kind of four and five letter words in my head. So at the moment I decide that I will be very conscience who I share my issues with. People quick to tell your business and keep their shit extra secret.

So the moral to that story is every friend can’t handle knowing your business. Especially if they think your situation is more messed up than their situation so be careful who you share with….I know I will be.

Same friend different scenario. She is without a vehicle at the time and her boyfriend’s car has broken down. I don’t mind helping out my friend and her kid…. but I do mind helping the guy out because I am not his friend. So the other day we out to dinner and on the way back to her house she ask if I can drop her boyfriend off to work. Mind you he calling all through dinner asking her to ask me to take him to work. Okay so I give her the side eye and I say okay. She paid for dinner so I taking her guy to working was just semi irritating.

A few days later I went back to get the drill and on my way out the door I catch him mumbling something and making gestures with his head towards the door. She comes outside and asked if I have anything planned because her and her guy wanted to go out on a day. I let her know I have plans for the evening so that was not possible. I walked away thinking what the hell is wrong with her. If the ninja wanted to take her out he should have asked one of his friends to borrow their car and NOT told her to hit up one of her friends.

Then yesterday I was going to the store and thought she may need a few things too. I called her up and asked if she wanted to ride to the store while I was going. She said she needed to get a few things. I get to the house to pick her up and who comes to ride with her……you got it the boyfriend. I’m like why is he going I have a small car and he is a big dude he just taking up space and really there was just no need to go. So I’m looking all crazy in the face when he gets in. So I am debating if I should tell her that I do not mind helping getting her where she needs to go until she gets on her feet… but I do not want to be hauling around her man too. I don’t know it just rubs me the wrong way. I doesn’t seem manly to me. What are your thoughts?

Can You Blame Him

The captain of the Costa Cruises ship that partially sank on Friday after hitting rocks off the coast of Italy had diverted the vessel onto a route not authorized by the company, its CEO says. Foschi suggested that the 10-year veteran of the company wanted to show off the ship to the port area of Giglio that it was passing. He decided to change the course of the ship to go closer to the island and pass in front of the little city that sits on that island," Foschi said. "This is what he wanted to do."

Okay I can understand the captain facing manslaughter charges because he made the decision to take the ship closer to shore. But then there is that abandoning ship charge. I must admit I don’t know what to think about that. The caption claims her fell over board after the ship hit the rocks and ended up in a life raft. He says he asked to be taken back to the ship but he was refused.

I kinda think the caption is lying cuz if it was me I probably would have beat everybody including the children getting off that damn boat. Tell me why is it expected in that profession that the Captain go down with the ship? We don’t expect airline pilots to stay in a burning plane while all the passengers exit first. If a bus or train gets into an accident we don’t expect the drivers to stay on board until every passenger is safely off.
Hell yeah that captain got the f*ck off that ship before he was dead too. Don’t get me wrong it would have been noble for him to stay but at the end of the day he has a family too, not to mention pure survival instincts. My heart goes out to the families that lost loved ones one that boat and yes someone need to pay for their pain and suffering. Maybe it’s the captain or maybe it’s the cruise company.

The last I heard the cruise company was giving back a 100% refund to all passengers and 30% off their next trip. ******blank stare……and crickets******

Sunday, January 8, 2012

I almost forgot about HIM

Today I went to church. Now as much as I would like to claim that I go to church every Sunday....that would be a lie. But today was one of those days that I felt moved to go to the Lord's house. While there I realized how distracted I have become with everyday life.

I'm back in school and fight for every good grade I can get. There there is the fiancee and separation anxiety. Since we live so far apart there are times that I want to be with him so bad that he takes up all of my mind space. Then there is the healthy plan, which requires me to workout at least 4 times a week. I'm not gonna mention my shaky finances and my inability to save as much money as I would like.

Needless to say I have a lot on my mind. There are times when I can go days without thinking about God or thanking him for his blessings and grace. I even have a bible on my nightstand and lately it has turned into a coaster for my cups.

Today I reflected on how I have placed all the temporal things above God. God has been great to me and that is a fact. I have relied on God when there was simply no one or nothing to hold on too. I have confided in him when I was too embarrassed to tell my friends and family the stupid things I had done.

Things loosened up and got better and I forgot about God. Now I think about him from time to time but not as much as I did when I was sinking and I thought my trouble would overtake me. Lord knows I don't want to be in trouble to find God again.

I didn't have a New Years resolution but I think I will make one. I will make time for God. I will make him a priority in my life because after all he gave up his Son so I could have life.