Thursday, December 24, 2009


I get the feeling that we are addicted to the messy parts of each other lives. As much as we smile in each others face and say wonderful things about one another we really want to know the dirt on you. In recent days I have attempted to look at the positive side of people… ya know trying to believe that the inner good in a person out weighs the negative composition. I must admit I am inherently a pessimistic individual but I desire to change. So as an experiment when people try to get me upset or ask me what I think about a person/situation I’ve tried to speak a bit more positive. The reaction I get is wayyyyy more subdued than if I was gossiping or talking trash. Some one would say…” So what did you think of XYZ I know you have not seen her in years.” I would say…” I was happy to see her, she looks like she is living well and enjoying life.” The person looks at me crazy and says…” oh… okay”. Or I may get a totally different reaction like “She may be looking okay but I heard that she just got out of rehab and her spouse is a drunk.”

We have become so accustomed to bashing each other that we no longer know how to love one another. Recently I’ve grown extremely tired of caring about other people’s business and speaking negatively of them. Trust… I was the Queen of Gossip. I loved it… I breathed it… I lived for it… I am known for it, but it is tiring. For once I just want to see that the results would be if I put positive vibes about people in the universe, if I spoke good of them and wished them well. I read in one of my magazines last month that a great way to release tension and resentment towards other people is to pray for them. The more you hate them, the harder you pray for them. I attempted this action because I think it is harder to hold on to negative energy when you are speaking honestly and directly with the Lord.

We all are human and we all are born flawed. Some are better than others at disguising their flaws while others wear them like a badge of honor. Personally I’ve seen the hurt of gossiping and more importantly it hurts me more. I also know it does no good for us to expose the inner struggle of others…especially if they want to keep wearing their disguise. In 2010 I would like to become more positive, more vibrant, more prayerful and a better person. Everyone deserves to be happy and to experience joy. If I do not hear from you Have a wonderful Christmas and a Excellent New Year!

Friday, December 18, 2009

On The Verge of a Melt Down

I planned on blogging about something else but I kept feeling a tug in my spirit today. Most of the time when I feel this “tug” it means that God wants me to pray or he wants to hear from me. Sometimes I try to ignore it but it becomes increasingly harder to ignore with each passing minute. It’s like an itchy spot…. they tell you not to scratch it but the more you ignore it the more it itches.

Today a co-worker is really working my last nerve and I have to try to remain professional and easy going. If I am speaking to another co-worker she turns around in her chair and joins in on the conversation without being asked to join. She constantly watches other people computer monitor and asks “what chu looking at”, she stays on Facebook more than she does her work, which puts the entire department behind. Long story short she is a pain in the behind.
As I type this I can feel her eyes on my screen trying to figure out what I am doing…..

Thank the Lord that I was led to pray because today was getting really hard to deal with her shenanigans. Have you ever felt like “Let this heifer do one more thing and it’s on”… well that is how I have been feeling towards her. I have to pray because the negative vibes is very heavy and I just don’t need to carry that weight around.

If you are feeling a bit overwhelmed or frustrated try praying….it’s working for me and God is ready to listen.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Sucessful, Black and Lonely

Ms Andrews in the video above speaks of the challenges that many college education, single black women face. Yes we have heard it all before about I about a snow ball’s chance in hell of getting married. Let’s see…..most of the black men are gay, in jail or dead. If a successful black woman wants a successful man she may want to think about crossing racial lines.

I know successful black women are known as bitches in many circles. But let’s face it ….some of us are just plain ole bougie, elitist and classist. And based on home girls article in the Washington Post that exactly the issue. Check out what she says about one guy to her friends

I went on a date last night with Cornrows," Andrews says, using the nickname that her friends have given the man. "I got in his car and there was this strawberry smell fragrance. I had to roll the window down by hand. I assume it's paid for."
Cornrows, she says, seems nice, but that is the problem. "He can put together coherent sentences, but they are not in any way related to my life," she says. She laughs, but catches herself. She knows the man is trying hard. She also knows Cornrows doesn't stand a chance.
"I'm a mean woman. I don't date nice people. That's why I'll be alone for the rest of my life. I will always have to settle."

If you are not interested then you should just keep it moving and find a man that you are interested in. If you don’t want a man with cornrows and has a strawberry smelling car then why you f”ing with a man with those attributes?

Now I don’t disagree with everything the sistah had to say. She disgusted having a “winter boo”. I ‘ve had a winter boo or two. If you are not familiar with a winter boo is someone you kick it with when it’s cold outside. She explains it perferctly.

He can drive when the wind is whipping down the sidewalk.
"It's like a booty call, but it's not," Andrews says.
"It's like you like him enough to bring him out to public settings. They like, serve a seasonal purpose."
But what happens in the summer, you ask.
There is no such thing as a summer boo. You are supposed to be out. Be free."
The catch?
"A winter boo doesn't know he's a winter boo," until summer comes and he has been set free.

Yes the single successful black woman is multi dimensional and can seem to have it all together. However, there are times when loneliness creep upon us like second skin. Who do we tell that we are starved for companionship when we pretend to have the most fabulous life? I admit there are times when I want companionship and other times I am happily single.

I used to look for the perfect man. One that could match my wit, match me financially, and take care of me for the rest of my life. Now I have a much simpler outlook on finding a man. He must be able to adequately take care of himself, he must have a sense of humor, he must love me and make me happy. Maybe looking for Mr. Perfect has slowed me down now it’s all about Mr. Perfect- For Me.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Can't Find a Job....... You're Not Alone

Unemployment rates are really high but through the roof if you are a young black man. Information obtained from suggests that unemployment for 16-24-year-old black men was 34.5 percent in October. This is just as high as it was during the Great Depression, the Washington Post reports. Young black women face similarly bleak employment numbers: 24.5 percent of them currently do not have jobs. Combined, young blacks have an unemployment rate of 30.5 percent, also equaling Depression-era numbers.

Employment status for young blacks statistically seems to be more affected by their race than their education or previous employment and income. Statistics from the Center for Labor Market Studies at Northeastern University show that lower-middle-class white teens have an easier time finding jobs than upper-middle-class black teens. Even African-Americans with college degrees have a jobless rate double that of their white peers.

I personally know what it is like to watch a black man look day in a day out for a job and as each day that passes by without employment feel more and more worthless. Trying to support someone who seems to be “unhire-able” is hard thing to do. Who knew that a bad economy could bring so much havoc on a relationship? I remember coming home each day asking “How was the job search?” At first he would answer that he put in X number of applications and was hoping to hear something soon. After the 3rd month of being jobless, when I asked “how was the job search”, he would give me the look of death. Finally he asked me not to ask him how the job search was because it just pissed him off. Then there were the many menial temporary jobs that would pay a low wage and last 1-2 weeks. It would be several weeks in between before another job was available. Of course paying the bills alone was starting to get old. I would look him upside the head like WTF….figure something out NOW. His family pretty much thought of him as a jobless loser and in the end his self esteem was in the toilet.

Sadly I could not take all the arguing and attitude from dude being jobless I felt I had to put him out. It wasn’t until I started looking to switch careers did I realize how hard it was to find a job. I looked in the papers, the internet and networked and still it was dry. Suddenly I was real thankful for my gig immediately thought about how I made boyfriend feel. I know we all need health care but I wish Obama would start to focus on this economy. News outlets are reporting that things are looking up….my question is where the hell they looking? Some people have gotten so frustrated with looking for a job they have simply stopped looking, while others have accepted jobs that pay less than they need to survive. This is causing the unemployment numbers to decrease but actually people are still suffering. Food pantries are being utilized by more people than ever; non profit agencies are assisting with more gas and electric bill than before. The homeless rate has skyrocketed.

It’s deplorable to watch Wall Street get bailed out and they give their employees six figure bonuses and the tax paper that paid for the bail out can’t afford the things they really need. Instead of having a damn tea party to protest the heath care bill we all need to demand that our government do something about this failing economy!

People if your job is hiring let people know. Surely someone knows at least one un/underemployed person. The classified section is not the way to find a job in this season…..knowing the right people can land you in a sweet position. So let’s not be selfish and down talk the brother or sister in your family that is struggling to find employment, instead offer to re-write their resume, be on the look out for jobs for them be compassionate about their situation. Remember some of us are just 1 paycheck away from homelessness.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Stuff They Don't Tell You When You Buying A House

I love my new house but homeownership can be a bitch. My homeowners insurance is going through the roof. Before closing Allstate quoted me a price of $ 1200.00 for the year. Then after closing they sent me a letter saying that my home owners insurance would be going up$ 854.56 and that increase would take affect the next month.

Of course I was on the phone calling them like WTF where the hell am I suppose to get an extra $854.56. They told me that it would take 330,000 to replace my home so the rate reflected the replacement cost. I said screw the replacement cost I want enough to cover the loan and something left over to put down on something new. So finally they said they would write me a new policy that covers the loan amount and about 90,000 extra. They gave me a quote of 1250.00. Guess what, a few weeks letter I get a letter in the mail saying my insurance will increase 150.00. I was pissed; I thought why the quote and the actual price never match up.

So last night I am looking at the news and guess what? They were investigating the increase in homeowners insurance. In Missouri and Illinois home insurance rates have increases ranges from 9-60%. Insurance companies claim that in 3 years they have paid out 19 billion dollars, which rivals the 20.3 billion dollars spent on insured property loss from the 9/11 terrorist attacks.

Also contributing to the rise in premiums is……

High than normal castrophe frequency
Rising Cost of Construction and home repair
Higher home Values

I understand these issues but some of this is just the cost of doing business. Hey Allstate ever heard of collateral damage? That is what I call all the excuses you are giving me for raising my insurance. People are trying to survive and companies are thinking of reasons to suck more money out of you.

I always felt that insurance was just one big con game. You pay the premium but if you every use it your premium will increase and if you don’t use it then you just been giving away free money back. I feel the government should regulate that business. That way things could be more fair and equal for the policy holder

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

My Obsession With 50 Cent

Have a baby by me baby be a millionaire…..
Have a baby by me baby be a millionaire.
I’ll work that, merk that.
Just the way you like it baby.
Turn a quickie unto an all nighter baby.

When I hear this on the radio I immediately turn the volume way up. I absolutely adore the man. He is my type of guy. He is street savvy and has an acute business acumen which further influences my attraction to Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson.

I’m the type of girl who likes what I like to call “A Real Man” for my man. I have a strong mind set and can be a bit pushy and hardheaded sometimes so I must have a man that knows how to take charge. And the only way for you to take charge of me, is to be in charge of you. If the man life is together financially, emotionally, physically and spiritually then he is ready for his mate. My man should be the type of man that when he walks into the room all the women just fell a bit safer.

My man must have a lil thug in him but be able to discuss anything from politics to the latest urban issue. I want my man to appreciate all the possessions we have but not act so bougie that he makes people feel uncomfortable. Have you seen 50 Cent he looks great in jeans, a t-shirt and timberlands but he also looks great in a suit. See I like it when they can switch it up and still look good.

Did you know that 50 makes most of his money off of investments and endorsements? This is forward thinking to me because how many rappers last a lifetime in the rap game? Has anyone seen the man’s body….that alone is enough to make a girl’s panties wet!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Not Ready For Mommiehood

The little Prince at the top is my new nephew Dreyden. Isn’t he soooo sweet and gorgeous. He is so small but when you hold him close he is super soft and smell like baby. Well this little one caused me to want to jump out a window and set myself on fire at the same time!

You may ask yourself how someone so little and beautiful could make you cause bodily harm to yourself. Well I can sum that up in two words…. Darius ( nephew # 1) and Derrick ( nephew # 2) ( see their pics below). Yeah they look innocent too until it is time to baby sit.

I had to watch these two while my sister when into the hospital to have Baby Dre. LLLLLLLLLLLLord have mercy. It was a time. I worked 15 hours of overtime that week and worked 7 days straight. I picked up the kids on my 7th day of working without a day off. Needless to say I was bone tired and not in the mood for not freaking kids. I picked the kids up around 8:30 pm and hoped they were fed and tired and ready to go to bed when they got to my place. NOT! They were bouncing off the wall and I was dying to go to bed. I gave them a bath and a snack and begged them to go to sleep. Finally everyone was in bed by 10:30pm.

RING>>>>RING>>>>RING…. That ringing was my alarm going off at 7:00am it was time to get up and get Darius ready for school. Got damn the boy pissed in the bed and smelled like hot pee. So another bath was needed and now we are late. I throw my coat over my pjs and tell my 3 year old nephew to but on his shoes and coat. He kept whining because he had on his pjs too and wanted to get dressed. I gave him the dreaded evil eye and he shut right up. Me and the kids drove all the way across town and dropped Darius off to school. Never mind the fact we were late and I had to walk him to his class. Other teachers gave me the poor you look when they saw me in my head scarf and pjs and toting a toddler in his pjs too.

I drove home thinking me and nephew # 2 would get some breakfast from McDonalds and take a nap until noon. Did ht happen that way….HELL NAW. Nephew ate his pancakes and was ready to play and watch Sesame Street. The poor chile kept asking me for paper and crayons so he could do his “homework”. Before I knew it, it was time to pick up nephew #1. I picked him up and he was talking the entire way home. I thought it would be a good idea to take them to the park and tire them out before we went home. They played at the park almost 3 hours and I still had to drag them to the car. I got home and started preparing dinner and helped nephew # 1 with his homework. They ate, took a bath and watched television for a few hours and I put them to bed at 7:00pm Yeah I know it was early but I had not choice I was running on fumes I was still so sleepy.

I told them that they better get in the bed and do not get out unless they had to pee. I also told them if anyone pees on my good mattress tonight they would wake up to a good azz whooping. Of course they talked and giggled for about 30 minutes but they eventually drifted off to sleep. I had to watch dishes, clean up the house and take a shower. Finally some me time. I sat down to watch the news and next thing I know. RING, RING, RING…yes it was my alarm telling me it was time to get up and get nephew #1 off to school.

The last thing I remember was watching the news and it’s a new day all ready? Got the kids up and no one peed so we could jump right into the day. Nephew #1 made sure to remind me to get him a snack today because I forgot it the day before. We picked up the snack and dropped him off ( please tell me why the pick up and drop off line for elementary kids are so long?) My sister had already given birth and nephew #1 was dying to see his Mommie and new brother. So we go to the hospital and find a parking spot. We parked pretty far away so the walk was very challenging with a slow walking 3 year old. We finally make our way to the 9th floor only to be told that due to the swine flu epidemic kids under the age of 18 were not allowed to visit the hospital. The poor nurse allowed me to speak to my sister via the phone who told me she was sorry but she forgot to tell me the kids could not visit. However, she left her house a mess and she did not want to bring the baby home to a messy house……she asked me to clean up a lil bit. So the nurse sent out the key and off we went to straighten up the house.

I opened the door and wanted to run back out. The kitchen had standing dish water and dishes inside the sink, the bath room could use a good wash down, the kids room was a mess, her bed was messy and a few things sprawled about, the living room needed dusting and the entire place needed vacuumed. I was cleaning for 5 hours…next thing I know it was time to pick up nephew # 1. Since I still had a little cleaning to do I bought McDonalds and took them to their house while I did more cleaning. Finally exhausted and completely tired we traveled back across town to my house.

I went to bed super excited because I knew this was my last night with the kids. I bathe them and let them watch a few hours of television and we did homework and off to bed they went. I again reminded them of the consequences of peeing on my good mattress. My house was a total wreck… toys everywhere, books, papers and crayons scattered on the floor and couch. Pop tart and fruit snack wrappers here and there but I was too tired to think about cleaning my own house.

That morning the alarm went off and I jump straight up I checked the bed and realized nephew #1 had peed in the bed again. I ran the bath water and told him to get up. I calmly asked if he had pissed in the bed. He simply shook his head. I told him to take off his clothes and I would be right back. I went and got my belt and I came back into the room and he was naked looking for his school uniform which I usually lay on the bed in the morning. He almost went onto cardiac arrest when he saw the belt… I have him a few smacks on the butt and told him to get into the tub. The room smelled like a toilet. The aroma of pee was heavy in the air. I got the kids ready and dropped nephew # 1 off to school. I had an early doctor’s appointment so I was forced to take nephew# 2 with me. We were leaving the house and I had my hands filled with things for the new baby and I opened the door to let him out first so I could lock the door. As soon as I opened the door he bolted out the house and down the stairs. I screamed at the top of my lungs…don’t run into the street. Guess what………..he did. I then heard a screeching sound of car tires. I dropped the bags and ran into the street. At that moment I felt like the worst would be parent in the world. All eyes were on me… the bad Auntie that almost got nephew #2 killed.

Finally that night I dropped the kids off to their mama. I was so in a rush to get home I barely glanced at new nephew #3. I just was ready to go home, relax and enjoy a glass of wine in my messy house. Well the next day my sister called me frantic. She said nephew #2 had to be hospitalized because he came down with a very high fever and was diagnosed with H1N1 aka “The Swine Flu”. She said could you be with him in the hospital because I can not be exposed to the flu and go home to the baby.

Could it get any worse! After three days he was discharged and allowed to go home. By the end of the week I was exhausted and began to wonder if I was cut out for the motherhood thang. All these years I wondered when was I going to have a little one running around the house? I even imagined what my baby shower would be…that was until I had a week of kids? Honnnay I serious doubt I wanna do the kid thing. I had more appreciation for my single non kid life than ever. She being a mother is HARD work…. I’m lazy yall and it was way too much to me.

But I tip my hat to all the mothers because it is truly one of the hardest jobs I’ve ever attempted to encounter.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Breast Cancer Debate

Personally I hate cancer. Cancer has taken so many of my loved ones that it feels like I am in my own battle with the disease. My first encounter with cancer occurred at age 12. My mother was diagnosed with cancer; I remember when she told me. That night for whatever reason I wind up sleeping in the bed with my mama and she wrapped her body around mine and told me in a soft whisper that the doctor told her she had cancer. Before that night I had never heard the word cancer before. It meant nothing to me, but I remember my mama sounding like a frighten little kid , like she just accepted the fact that she was in the fight of her life. Soon after that mama started going to chemotherapy which made her feel weak and ill. Sometimes I would go with her; I don’t think anyone knew she was sick. In the waiting room were people from all ethnic backgrounds and ages. I still wasn’t too sure of what cancer was but from looking around the waiting room I could tell that age and racial make up was not a factor. Each person seemed to be at a different stage of the disease, some had hair, while others did not.

Soon it became very apparent that mama could not keep this cancer thing a secret. Finally she told the family because the chemo was making her so sick she could hardly get out of bed and go to work. Mama was losing weight so fast, at her normal weight she only weighed 130lbs and she had already lost 20lbs. My mama decided that she could not handle all four of her kids so she decided that my brother (who happened to be her shadow, they had a very close relationship) could not mentally handle seeing her deteriorate, so he went to Arkansas to live with my dad. My little brother and sister who were only 3 and 4 went to live with my Aunt. My Grandmother and two Aunties moved in and took care of mama 24 hours a day. Slowly the cancer started to eat away at her body. The doctors added radiation to the mix and this was like a jolt to her body. She began to have radiation rashes and lost 15 more pounds at this point she was skin and bones. She would spend weeks in the hospital and seemed to be tired of fighting. The cancer was winning and there was nothing anyone could do to stop it. My mama knew the end was near and called my father and asked that he bring my brother home because she needed to see him before she left this world. I will never forget the look on my brother face when he saw my mama, he was completed devastated. A few weeks after his arrival my mama passed away. Since that time I have lost my father, aunt and uncle to this disease and that is just the people in my family.

So when a government task force said Monday that most women don't need mammograms in their 40s and should get one every two years starting at 50 I felt personally attacked. The task force also feel that breast self-exams are of no value. I know that I am not a medical professional but I also know that many women discover lumps in their breast by doing self-exams. I also know the benefit of catching cancers at the earliest stage as possible. Not to mention the fact that although white women get breast cancers at higher rates than black women, but black women are more likely to die from the cancer.

It is my fear that Medicaid and insurance groups do not fall in line with the suggestion of the government task force. This would be a tremendous blow to the life of many women that could be diagnosed too late to save their lives. It angers me that people that sit on a board get to make decisions that adversely affect the lives of thousands of people. I am willing to bet a dollar to a dime that big pharma or insurance companies is behind this “new” revelation. Why not it would save billions of dollars on test especially when the government may pass a law that entitles all Americans to insurance? People need to understand that this is about lives not dollars. Can someone please tell me how much a life is worth? When are we ever going to get past our greedy need for money and as much as possible at all cost? Sometimes capitalism is not as great as it is cracked up to be

PS. I have a high school classmate that is battling breast cancer. Lisa my prayers, thoughts and love are with you.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Sammy Done Turned White

In case you have been living under a rock you have probably seen the pictures of Sammy Sosa sporting his new look. Using what he called “skin rejuvenation” and contacts Sammy has become a lighter skin Dominican. Actually it made me mad and sad at the same time. Who knew that the desire to look Caucasian was a global thing. Well I actually knew that it was becoming a looming problem. Indians, Africans and Asians are top consumers of skin lightening creams. In many foreign countries lighter skin means an easier life. Of course African Americans have dealt with these issues since the day the stepped foot off the boat. However, not many of us indulge in skin lighting cream. Because in America black is black. For the most part it doesn’t matter if you the lightest of the light or the darkest of the dark , if black can be detected in your skin tone you will probably experience racism at one point or another in your life.

I am a darkie. I am one of the few dark skinned people in my family and I have been called every name imaginable. Blackie….black ass, darkness, African Boom-bata, African booty scratch er, ect…. And as a child it really bothered me. I would look in the mirror and wrap my head with a towel and try to imagine my skin being lighter and the towel would be my long straight locks. Each time I tried it would be hard to imagine myself as a light skin person. I could not put my finger on it, but I knew I would not be me if my skin was of a lighter shade. Today my skin tone is so integral to the person I’ve become. I could not imagine changing what God clearly thought what was best for me. What is the problem with being different? Why must we all be the same and look the same? Why do we feel that white is right and will sell our souls too look like what we have been programmed to think is real beauty.
I look at Sammy and although he is smiling all I see is hate. Look at what the brother did to himself he clearly does not like himself. Then he says that the camera flash makes him seem lighter than what he really is……..really Sam? And let me guess all you did was rub a skin cream all over your face and suddenly your face was white and your eyes were green. Sam….I am not Susie Sausage Head and I think you are full of it. But I can understand why he feels so pressured to lighten his skin. If you think African Americans have in bad in American, try being an African Latino in Brazil or the Dominican. The Dominicans consider anything black to be associated with Haitian. Haiti's slaves revolted against the French and in 1804 established their own nation. In 1822, Haitians took over the entire island, ruling the predominantly Hispanic Dominican Republic for 22 years. To this day, the Dominican Republic celebrates its independence not from centuries-long colonizer Spain, but from Haiti.

In much of Latin America -- the "one drop rule'' works in reverse: One drop of white blood allows even very dark-skinned people to be considered white. Racial identification here is thorny and complex, defined not so much by skin color but by the texture of your hair, the width of your nose and even the depth of your pocket. The richer, the "whiter." And, experts say, it is fueled by a rejection of anything black. Dominicans are encouraged to embrace Spanish Catholic roots rather than African ancestry. Walk down any city street in the Dominican and you will see a country where blacks and dark-skinned people vastly outnumber whites, and most estimates say that 90 percent of Dominicans are black or of mixed race. Yet census figures say only 11 percent of the country's nine million people are black.

It becomes painfully clear that being black is something people fear in many areas of our world. I could not imagine living in a land filled with predominantly dark skinned individuals and calling myself Indian, Latino or white. I am certain that each country has its shame to bear. But I guess I always imagined that if I lived in a land filled with black folks that we would treat each other like Kings and Queens. Sammy if you are reading this please stop the treatments. Get counseling and begin to heal by loving yourself. If people can not accept you then banish them from your life.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Mad as a Mutha

There are a few characteristics about me that get me in a lot of trouble.
1. Very opinionated
2. Headstrong
3. At times extremely vocal

Today at work those attributes were tested and just as expected I lost it. Okay check it…. my department is throwing a party for a lady that I don’t particularly care for. People came around asking for donations for food or if each person could bring a dish. Now, I’m a person that if I deal with you then cool….but if I don’t mess with you then I don’t mess with you….period. I will be cordial to you even if I don’t fool with you but I don’t pretend to be your supporter when I am not... see that is fake shit. So anyway I told my department that I will not be making any contributions nor will I be attending the party. That causes a few people in my department to get pissy and give me the side eye. So I’m like “what’s the problem?”

Then two individuals start whispering about me not wanting to participate. Now I get upset and let them know that I do what the fuck I wanna do with my money. The lady has rarely spoken two works to me and when she does they come across as superior, condescending and patronizing. So then one of my co workers says, “ I just don’t think it is cool that you are not participating”. Of course I like WTF, did the bish give you some money or contribute to any party that you know of? She said she was not aware if she did or not. I started to get more upset because people were questioning my choice not to be inclusive. Then co-worker says well we got visitors in the building and I just don’t want to get into it. At this point I got steam coming out of my ears and I said “don’t start shit, whispering and getting your opinion across and then think of an excuse not to hear what I wanted to say." Now if you truly didn’t give a damn you would have shut the fuck up and turned around to face your computer and went on about your day.

I just want to know how someone think they gonna regulate my pockets. I get so tired of working in an office sometimes. I know I have an attitude and when it clashes with other people that come to work with an attitude it’s like a ticking time bomb.

I just had to get that off my chest. BTW how you doing

Sunday, October 18, 2009


Well I am actually on the computer on a Sunday. Lately that has become abnormal. I decided that I would start looking at other industries to see if there are any new opportunities in my field. I can tell you that it is very frustrating trying to navigate a job search via the Internet. It can be very tiring...thank the LORD I have a job. I only searched for 30 minutes I can imagine what people that are actually unemployed go through!

I like my current job, my boss and co-workers are fabulous. For the first time I actually enjoy coming to work. However, my job has become boring. Yeah I know in this eco-No-Money, I should just be happy to have a job...but my brain craves productivity. Plus it is always good to stay current with the market. It's a sure why to determine new trends, fair pay and great employment opportunities.

Sometime this week I will have to update my resume and just throw it out there to see if any fish bite. As strange as it sounds I like interviewing...even if I don't get the job. It helps me stay sharp and lets me know what employers are really looking for. I am still thinking about going to school this spring to pursue an engineering degree.

Well I have so much work to do. The house is a mess, the car needs to be washed as well as my hair. If any of you know of any management jobs in the utility industry or customer service...holla at a sistah.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

My Authentic Self

As I get older being authentic has become very importunate to me. It’s almost like I’m allergic to people that are not their genuine self. It seems that most of the people I know are disingenuous and hypocritical. Sadly for many years I carried my duplicitous alter ego with me everywhere I went. This fake persona (for the sake of this article let’s call her... Candy) would make an appearance whenever needed. It actually got to the point that people I’d known for years had more interaction with Candy than they did with me. In reality they did not know me very well at all but they were well acquainted with my alter ego Candy.

Being fake or insincere seems like a lightweight issue but in reality it’s quite lonely. People have expectations and once you have built yourself up to be perceived in a certain light it is very hard to turn around and do a 360. Being phony also takes a great deal of energy, it requires you to smile when you want to cry, sometimes it requires you to lie about your finances or your career, you seem over the moon when you talk about your home life or relationships. People began to envy your life because you have created a perfect fraudulent life.

After years of posing as Candy I decided to take off the mask and try being me. Honestly it was harder being me than I thought. Being me required that I let people in my life, that I trusted them with my feelings and secrets. I felt almost led to tell people about my weaknesses and bad days. Finally people are beginning to see that sometimes I am not as confidant as I seem. I feel it is very important to let people know when I am struggling….how can I get help if I am always pretending to be fine. How can people relate to me if I seem to have the ideal life

This past Saturday I saw an associate that I had not seen in years. This young lady had gastric bypass surgery since we last saw one another. The weight loss was dramatic, had she not been in the room with other people I recognized I would not have known it was her standing before me. Candy started to show up and was making some pretty unflattering remarks about my associate in my thoughts. Luckily for me I decided to hold judgment and just enjoy the opportunity to relax and enjoy friends. At some point during the get-together the associate decided to share why she decided have the surgery. I was flabbergasted when she said she had gotten up to 365lbs. I had not seem her in quite a few years and she was not 365 five years ago! She explained the limitations and grief she suffered prior to her surgery. Upon hearing her speak so opening and unabashed about herself Candy began to disappear because she had no one there to fuel her fire. I had no reason to be self righteous and the essence of perfection. I don’t want my readers to be confused and think that I have correlated sadness and weakness with genuineness because that is not the case. For me I was always too happy to share the good parts of my life but I hid the parts that were not as pretty. People only knew one side of me and that was the happy everything is alright perfect side of me. The side effects to that persona are judgment. I always passed irrational judgment on others, making assumptions and spreading gossip as if it were the word. So please don’t think I am confusing being real with sadness and gloom. I am just trying to become a whole person. This is a personal prescription and may not be suitable for everyone.

I thank that sister for her ability unapologetically share herself. It gives me more strength to be just me. Sadly I’ve come to the realization that Candy must be destroyed. She has kept me from becoming the person I was meant to be. She has been used as a tool to hinder my growth and surround me with other fake people.

If you see Candy on the side of the milk carton…don’t bother to call missing persons because she is no longer wanted or needed.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Hair We Go…..Again.

As most of you know I wear my hair loc’ed. However, there was a point in my life when locing was not an option. People I was addicted to weave. When I say addicted I mean I had to have it. I would obsess about getting my weave done more that I cared about paying my car note. Seriously.

Chile walking into the beauty supply to look at all the weaves made me high. I marveled at all the colors, textures, curly, kinky, straight, bone straight and wavy. I could look at the wall for hours. I just loved it. I would take my time and find the most perfect hair I could find and run out the door like I just copped a big ole eight ball of crack (lol). But if I wanted my hair to be super bad I had to make sure my relaxer was on point … if not I would need to pick up some Elasta QP or hopefully my stylist would have some of that Affirm. I may come out of the beauty supply $50.00- 75.00 lighter but I felt great.

Then I would go home and soak my head with conditioner and glue remover. I would pour half a bottle of conditioner on my head with about two bottles of glue remover. I placed a plastic bag or cap on my head for a few hours. This made the removal of the old hair much simpler. However, sometimes the glue would be real stubborn and I would have to tear off some of my real hair to remove the weave. Once the weave was totally out I would take a wide tooth comb and comb out all the glue. I always placed my weave in a pile once I removed it. I would often look at it like an old friend going on to college or the army and you’re sad to see them leave but hope the best for them.

The down side to the conditioner/weave removal process was the glue would get gummy and stick to everything in sight. If it got on your cloths you can forget it because it was never coming off. If it got on the carpet or walls it would be hell to get out. Needless, to say I had a weave removal uniform…. yes I did. I would wear this raggedy t-shirt with some bleached up jogging pants when I took out my weave. Once the glue and the hair were out I would wash and blow dry my hair.

It’s sad to admit but it was hard for me to look at myself in the mirror without my weave. To me the hair made me feel beautiful and seductive. Without the hair I felt like a bald head ugly girl that desperately needed the weave to feel whole again. I would quickly tie my hair up with a scarf and waited for the next day so I could let my stylist work her magic.

I would show up to the salon at my appointed time and waited with baited breath for her to get to me. But the wait was okay because I would pour over magazines looking for the perfect style to rock my new weave. Once I found the style I wanted I would hold on to that book for dear life. Then I would pull my weave out the pack and look at it, ran my fingers through it, and I totally loved the smell of a new pack of weave. After feeling it and smelling it I put it back in the bag and waited my turn.

Now once I’ve waited between 1-2 hours depending on how overbooked the stylist is I would get my turn to set in the seat. I handed her my book and said I want my hair like hers! Now the transformation began. This normally took about another 1-2 hours depending on how I was getting my hair. I loved to feel the cold glue press up against my scalp. Then I would feel the soft hair fall on my face……….I was in heaven. Then she would start cutting with the razor. As she got further in the process my excitement would be on full blast. She would go over each section with the flat iron. I love smelling the oil sheen and spritz sizzling on the hair as the hot flat irons made each strand of hair more perfect than before.

Finally reveal time… and the stylist turns me to the mirror and I can hear Stevie Wonder singing …Isn’t she lovely, isn’t she wonderful. I would inspect the hair and make sure that it was to my liking and if not ask the stylist to tweak some areas if needed. But when I left I was in full DIVA mode. Before I left I had to put on a little mascara and lip gloss.

In 24 hours I went from feeling like the ugly duckling in the mirror to a full beauty queen. This went on for 16 years until finally I got tired of wasting my money and feeling so damn insecure. I challenged myself to feel beautiful outside the confines of weaves and wigs. I took the scissors to my head and chopped off all the perm. I went to my loctian and said I want locs. Now trust me the locs was not love at first sight. Trust me I did not feel beautiful at all but I was determined to break myself from feeling ugly because something as stupid as hair. People would say little smart remarks or not say anything at all. I don’t think the first 2 months of me getting my locs no one said anything positive about my hair. It felt like it was me against the world, but I was determined to win. My family asked me questions like what are you doing with your hair, friends just did not say nothing or would tell me about someone else with short hair and how THEIR hair looked good. Indicating that mine did not look so good. I did just what Jay said in the song… I brushed the dirt off my shoulders and kept pushing. Now that I am 2 years into the locs people that were hating before say things like… man I wish I had the courage to do that or do I have to cut off all my hair or my favorite do they have loc extensions that I can wear until my hair grows out. I understand that everyone is not into the natural thang and I am fine with that. I am not one that will belittle a sistah for rocking a weave or relaxed hair. Do what makes you feel beautiful… but when your self esteem and worth is connected to hair then it is time to check yo self.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

The Lost of Homocide

Losing a loved one to a homicide is different that losing someone to regular death. See a homicide seems personal it feels like a direct attack against you personally. After reading about the little boy named Derrion Albert that was beaten to death in Chicago, it brought up feelings I had about my own brother. My brother name was John and he was murdered July 16th 2003.

As I look at the picture of Derrion sister crying because the death of her brother that familiar pain rises to the surface. It’s a pain that is almost indescribable… imagine having open heart surgery with no anesthesia, now multiply that pain times 10. Yeah that is about it that is exactly how it feels. My brother was shot in the head and left dead in his vehicle. That day my Aunt kept calling me saying that a detective kept calling her saying she needed to get to the police station because John was in trouble. My Aunt asked if I would go get him but I told her that I had to visit my nephew in the hospital and since they called her she should go. When my Aunt got downtown to speak with the detective he told her that John was found shot in the head and he needed her to identify his body.

Shortly after she came from the corners office I stopped by her house to see what kind of trouble my brother had got into. As soon as I got into the door she said “John is dead” I could tell by her tone she was telling the truth. I lost it… I felt a numerous emotions hit me all at the same time. I was so hurt I could not talk for days. I just kept waiting for someone to tell me that they were playing a joke on me. I was grieving so hard yet I could not share what was going on with my closest friends because I could not talk about it. I just slept for 6 days until the day of the funeral.

The day of the funeral was really hard for me and I tried not to go but my family insisted that I attend. I felt like I was slowly going crazy and seeing his stiff dead body lying in a coffin would send me right over the edge. I never looked at my brother in the coffin. I left before the viewing for the sake of my sanity. At night I would cry because my brother died alone with no one he loved around him.

The grieving process for homicide victims can be hard. It took me almost 3 years before I did not cry everyday. I was close to my brother and it felt like half of me died when he left and I could not imagine living in this world without him being in it.

As I read Derrion story my heart broke. I immediately recognized the lost look in his sister’s eyes and the pain in his grandfather’s voice. As I watched the video of the gang members hitting him in the head with a rail road tie and jumping up and down on his skull I cringed. This honor roll student was being beat to death because he was simply at the wrong place at the wrong time. He was not a gang member just an innocent bystander walking down the street when violence erupts and he gets caught in the crossfire.

The police have captured his killers and they are four young men between the ages of 16 and 19. They are being charged with 1st degree murder. Because the crime was captured on video I am sure they will be given lengthy sentences. When they took Derrion’s life they took their own as well. Life as they know it will never be the same. Some will be lucky if they get out by the time they are 36 years old.

Y’all I am so affected by homicide I cant even watch too much of shows like The First 48 or Crime 360. That type of stuff just gets into my spirit and I become overwhelmed. I feel like murder is being sensationalized and I don’t want be apart of that. I’ll save that topic for later.

The greatest commandment of all is to LOVE one another, we humans seem to have a hard time fulfilling that one.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Really…………Was That Necessary?

I know I have been M.I.A. for a minute…mostly because I haven’t had anything to say. But not having a wireless connection in my home could also lessen my post. But today I have something I want to discuss and that is President Obama’s speech on health care. Yes I know I have been talking about this for a minute but this is an issue near and dear to my heart. It is my desire for everyone in the USA to have sufficient healthcare… not mediocre or substandard coverage but the same coverage afforded to Donald Trump should be given to Joe “The Crack Head” Robinson.

I eagerly listened to the President outline his intent for the healthcare plan. I was satisfied with what I heard and felt confident that Obama could deliver the results he promised. Then as he stated that illegal immigrants will not be covered under the plan Rep. Joe Wilson, a little-known Republican from South Carolina, shouted “You Lie.” Look how Barack , Nancy and Joe looks at him… you can tell that the Prez gone get in that ass later, but his trying to keep his composure.

My question is why die the man feel he could disrespect the President in that manner. His comments were out of line and not warranted. Now when Lil Wubbayou was up there lying about weapons of mass destructions in was quiet…..when people found out he really lied… it was quiet. Now that the BLACK man is running thangs those red necks wanna start shouting across the room and forgetting that there is a certain protocol when addressing the President of the United States. I felt like the man was trying to pull the President’s pull a whore cord (you gotta be old school to know what the mean). In other words he was hoping the President would not challenge him. But once he got that ice grill he knew he better shut the fuck up and issue an apology as soon as he left the building.

Look I stand behind my President on this issue. If you have money and great insurance…good for you. But there are millions of people without insurance who need this plan to work. I understand that people want to research the issue and make sure that it fits the needs of the citizens and that is fine. However, procrastination will only make this thing boil over more. We need to do something…doing nothing is not an option. I am following this issue like my life depended on it and hope the Obama does not back down and keep being the voice for the small disenfranchised people.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

OK Corral or Town Hall Meeting

Hey People,

Sorry I’ve been MIA for awhile, but hey life happens………right? Anywhoo, have you been keeping up with all these angry town hall meetings? Chile “them people” really showing their asses. I could have sworn that I lived in a democratic country…we are suppose to agree to disagree. But nooooooooooo we acting like we are a third world country, were shouting, screaming, fighting, spitting and making racist threats towards one another.

Recently Claire McCaskill (whom I voted for) held a town hall meeting for health care here in Missouri. Honey…. it got u.g.l.y. “them folks” were clowning. Some people chose to show love for our Prez by displaying Obama stickers on their vehicles or wearing Obama gear. A few ignorant red necks decided to shout “Obama Lover” as these people passed by.

And although there was a sign posted on the door that prohibited posters or signs in the meeting a sista decided it would be a good a deal to being a poster of Rosa Parks. What the hell Rosa Parks have to do with healthcare….I do not know. When she walked in with the poster she was booed and cursed at so she rolled up the signed and placed it at her feet. Then this happy go lucky journalist decided to ask her to display the sign. This caused all hell to break loose….a white man snatched the sign from the woman saying “Didn’t we tell you to put that got damn sign up.” The black lady and her friend were asked to leave the meeting and the white man was escorted to the lobby.

I was not at the meeting so I will not claim racial bias but what I will claim is elitism. Why the haves don’t want the have nots to have health care. I make a decent salary no where near rich or well to do…but I would be willing to get taxed to ensure that everyone gets the healthcare they deserve. Other countries are looking at America like we are fools, but we are known for being a bullies now these conservative bastards are trying to prevent universal healthcare. Man have you seen some of these people at the meetings? They look like they don’t have health insurance either, some are missing teeth, frail and look plain sickly.

And what they are doing to Obama man they are slaughtering him. Look at how they are portraying him in pictures. Really ……………the joker….hitler….. and a liar.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Bish Please

I know this story is a bit dated but I had to comment on it. Okay we all understand that Mechelle (Chelle) McNair is a bit pissy that her husband was killed by his mistress that then went on to off herself. I would be pissed too if I found out my man been out co-signing for Escalades and shit, taking a bish on trips, and chilling in a condo I knew nothing about with another woman. Oh hell yea I would be ready to chop that nicca head off and serve it to his mama on a silver platter…..he’d better be lucky he already dead !

So trust me Chelle when I tell you I understand that part of your frustration. But ummmm you wrong for not putting that man other kids down as heirs to his estate. Bish you wrong as two left shoes. How the hell you gone say some shit like you can’t confirm if the two eldest kids were actually your husband’s. Now that’s some bullshit if I’ve every heard any in my life. Did your man take care of these kids…..did he pay child support….were they ever over the house…..did they go on vacation with yall….did he ever refer to the children as “my sons” ? If you answered yes to any of those questions you know damn well those were that man kids. And just because you all pissy cuz you got humiliated in front of a world wide audience does not give you the right to take them babies inheritance.

But before you get all geeked up on buying you another house or some other crap get ready for a battle. Baby Mama’s (BM) do not play. I bet in the next 4-6 months yo azz gone be up in court explaining your actions to a judge. Quit being greedy bish! If that man considered those kids his then so be it. There are two types of money that never last long, that is income tax checks and inheritance money. Most of the time people fly through that type of money like water.

Chelle quit acting stupidly (as Pres Obama says) and do the right thing.

Why People Hating On Universal Health Care?

And what insurance will you be using for your visit? This is the question that I am asked every time I go to a new doctor’s office. Most of them assume that due to the excessive amounts charged by doctors and pharmaceutical companies no one in their right mind would be paying out of pocket for health care coverage.

Thankfully Blue Cross and Blue Shield make sure I stay healthy and keep regular doctor visits. However, there was a time then I did not have health insurance. I remember when I was between jobs and my tooth began to really give me trouble. My tooth hurt so bad it would keep me up at night, ambesol was kept on my person at all times. The pain was so sever I was often left weeping in my bed praying for the pain to stop. Well my Aunt asked if I wanted to use her insurance card to get my tooth pulled, I agreed immediately. Never mind that I was born in 1975 and my Aunt was born in 1950! When the dentist asked me about the discrepancy in the birth year I played it off like my employer was aware and was in the process of getting that taken care of. Man ……… I felt like a new woman once that tooth was out of my head. Yeah I knew it was basically insurance fraud, but no dentist would see me without insurance and I did not have the money to pay for it out of pocket, so what was I suppose to do?

I think all Americans should sacrifice if it means that everyone can have medical insurance. Medical insurance should be a civil liberty, a basic right. Unfortunately, we have allowed doctors and pharmaceutical companies to put a price on life. The United States has the most expensive health care in the world. I’ve watch several family members and friends try to cope without heath insurance. Many use the emergency room as a doctor’s office and often find out about life threatening illness too late.

I understand wealthy Americans want more information on Obama’s universal health plan. Wealthy Americans will be taxed higher as one revenue stream for the plan; I would want as much information as possible too! However, most wealthy Americans have great health benefits and access to top doctors. It’s hard to worry about something when it does not affect you…………but if it affects your money people are all ears.

One of the reasons I voted for Obama was his health care initiative. We must place a higher value on life than on money. Face it, we (the insured) end up paying higher premiums because all the funds the goes uncollected by the uninsured. So since we are paying for it anyway let’s just figure a way that allows everyone coverage.

Lets put life above capitalism

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Black Harvard Professer Arrested

Yesterday I was listening to Tell Me More on NPR and heard that a Black Harvard Professor was arrested for unruly conduct in own home. It basically we down like this

Henry Louis "Skip" Gates Jr. a renowned scholar and Harvard professor returned from a research trip to China to find the front door to his Cambridge Harvard-owned house jammed and enlisted the assistance of his driver to muscle the door loose. Once in the home Gates turned off his security alarmed and called the leasing office to advise them of the jammed door. By the time Gates was on the phone with his leasing company, a white policeman had arrived, summoned by a neighbor who spotted two black men looking as if they were unlawfully breaking into the house. The police came into the home and asked Gates why he was in the home and he explained that he lived in the home. The office requested that Gates produce identification. Mr. Gates produced a driver licenses and his Harvard ID which displayed the address in question. The officer continued to question Professor Gates which caused Gates to get slightly aggravated, and led to him ask the office for his badge number and name. The officer refused to provide his information and asked Gates to step outside. Once outside Professor Gates continued to request the information and questioned the officer still being on the property after providing sufficient identification. The officer arrested Gates on disorderly conduct charges and he was jailed for four hours.

Y’all may remember Professor Gates he was on PBS tracing all the celebrities (Oprah, Morgan Freeman, Denzel Washington and many others) ancestors to Africa. This man is financially secure and educated yet his neighbor called in saying that they witness two black men breaking into the home. Did I mention the driver had on a suit and tie and carried in the luggage once the door was open? Let’s not forget the man lived at this location for several years and his neighbor STILL called the police and said two black men were breaking in a house. This type of shit infuriates me; this is totally ludicrous and stupid. Sometimes people take things too far and don’t know when to stop. I am mad at the cop but I’m resentful and angry at the neighbor. I can not claim that the neighbor knew Mr. Gates but I can tell you that most burglars don’t were suits and kaki pants when robbing a spot. They generally don’t bring luggage with them and don’t stick around to turn off the alarm.

Times like this I wish we had followed the advice of Marcus Garvey and went back to Africa. I am not foolish enough to believe all White people are racist however; it gets tiring trying to fit into the mold and personality that make White people feel safe. It is kinda like walking around in black face and tap dancing. Like being the only black in the rat pack and claiming to be a black Jew, almost on the verge of being satirical.
The charges have been dropped against Gates, but I am certain if he ever thought he ascended beyond his black counterparts he realize he is just a black man……… out Obama.

Thursday, July 16, 2009


Missouri is a very racially polarized state. I have lived in St. Louis for most of my life and racism has become apart of my everyday life. I am not saying that every white person in Missouri is a racist but what I am saying is that there is white privilege given to Caucasians. For those of you that live outside of the Midwest you may think that Missouri is comprised of rural land, cows, farmers and a bunch of red necks and colored folks. Well you would be partly right….but not completely accurate. St. Louis is the gateway to the West and is very hip, urban, up and coming town. After spending a year in Los Angeles I love paying a mortgage of 699.45, which is less than half of the rent of my LA apartment! I love that I can fill up my car for less than 30.00 dollars and everything is less than 20 minutes away.

However, Missourians carry their race card in their back pockets. We have quite a few closet racist in our town. Although they won’t verbally admit to this heinous thought, their actions shows what they really feel.

For instance driving while black is very real in Missouri. Black drivers in the state are 67 percent more likely to be pulled over than white drivers. Blacks are the only racial group in Missouri pulled over by police at a rate higher than their percentage of population in the state. This information was found in a report on vehicle stops released by the attorney general’s office Monday. I have been back for less than two years and I have been pulled over 4 times! I was only guilty once out of those stops. It’s so bad that last month my cousin got pulled over in the driveway of his home.

It’s sickening to me that it is acceptable to do this to my people. Last week I took my little sister to court in a predominately white side of town (Des Peres), the median income for a family in this area is $96,433. The racial makeup of the city is 96.55% White, 0.79% African American, 0.19% Native American, 1.83% Asian, 0.03% Pacific Islander, 0.15% from other races, and 0.45% from two or more races. Hispanic or Latino of any race is 0.83% of the population.

In spite of the racial make up of the city 90% of the people in court were black. Yes a town that is comprised of 96.55% of White people have an overwhelming amount of blacks in court. Most of the black people were stopped by traffic cops and few were caught stealing from the mall. Basically they ignore all the White people stealing from the mall and driving with expired tags and focus primarily on black people. Of course they may be wondering why a black person would be in the neighborhood and randomly run the plates or assume that most blacks in the mall are stealing.

When the traffic report was placed online one of the white commenter’s wrote the following statement:
“Blacks are disproportionately stopped by police, but they also make up a disproportionate number of those living in a lower economic status. This comes into play when discussing traffic stops for non-moving violations like improper registration or equipment defects. Poorer people may neglect to get their vehicle properly registered or fix an equipment defect, because they may not be able to afford to or they have other ‘priorities.’ People who are responsible, and who have the means, will get their cars registered and fix problems.”

When he said “People who are responsible”………I take that to mean White people. I also feel that many of the cities count on black people to subsidize their budget through traffic stops. I can not tell you the countless times that I’ve heard friends and family comment on how police just ride behind them and run their plates hoping to see a warrant or something illegal about the vehicle. There is also an entire industry devoted to these traffic stops….traffic lawyers. The will make that speeding ticket become a parking ticket for the low low price of $65.00 , plus court fees in addition to the cost of ticket. Of course you don’t want your insurance rate to skyrocket and you don’t want to have points on your license so you go to the traffic lawyers and pay them to “take care” of your ticket.

Sometimes it can be very frustrating but I can’t get Al Sharpton to come down and hold a rally. But I am tired of singing we shall overcome

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

No One Escapes

In recent years I’ve had the unfortunate task of attending the funeral of many family members. I’ve attended the funerals of my father, brother, nephew, grandfather, grandmother, aunt, and two uncles. I was very close to all my family members and it was with great pain that I watched their bodies be lowered into the ground. This Thursday I lost another aunt, Aunt Shirley passed away in her sleep early Thursday morning. My aunt called me a 4:30 am to tell me she was gone and I just felt empty. I laid there and tried to think of ways to escape the feeling that was brewing inside of me, but because I experienced it so many times before I knew I had to just let my feelings out.

No mater how many people around me die, I never get use to it. It always knocks the wind out of my sails. I can never get accustomed to the people I love leaving this earth. Death’s sting always hurt! As I get older I begin to think of my own mortality and how fragile life really is. I start to think about what my funeral will be like, how my death will affect the people around me and what I want to leave as a legacy. One thing is for sure no one escapes death, it is promised to every living thing. Tomorrow is not promised, we never know when our time is coming.

I have a weird thing I do when some passes, I pray for their spirit. I pray that their spirit finds God and peace. The night before my Aunt Shirley passed she spoke with her son on the phone and seemed in pretty good shape. No one was prepared for her to die 5 hours later. The same could be said about MJ, he practiced his dance moves, sold his concert tickets, passed a health exam and was ready to turn London out….but he died before all that could take place. As you can see from the out pouring of fans….no one was prepared. Life is meant to be lived, lived in away the produces joy and happiness. If something or someone in your life is causing you grief and bring you down on a constant basis it may be time to extract that person from your life. If you are tired of your situation, be it financial or otherwise it’s time to change it.

People we only get one shot at this life thing, there is on sense in being unhappy for most of it. We never know when God will send his angel to collect his child(ren), live your life fully and completely, do what makes you happy, invite joy into your life. Because remember no one escapes it.

MJ Memorial Service Live!

12:14 PM (CST)

The memorial service starts and Smokie Robinson speaks. Smokie is speaking on behalf on Nelson Mandela. Nelson sends his condolences. What is weird is that it is very quiet in the stadium. All those people and they are so quite almost on edge.

12:21 PM

The are having audio problems and are making repairs and there are no speakers at this time.

12:25 PM

Still waiting... Now they are saying the family just walked in and people are speculating that the audio is fine, but they were waiting for the family come in. Man this is going to a circus... but it will be the closure that people need to realize the MJ is gone


They just brought out the golden casket holding the body of MJ. There is a black choir singing " We are going to see the King". If you are black and evar went to church you are familar with that song. The casket makes it real for me.


Lucious Smith Says MJ just wanted to give love to the world and to heal the world. I’m guessing this man must be a friend of the family or one of the Jackson’s personal pastor. But I have to agree with what he is saying.


Mariah Care looks for a change she is singing that I will be there. They sound awright but not that great. Of course MC is hitting all those damn high notes. Singing with her eyes closed like she really jamming.


Oh shit I hit the wrong button on my computer and lost connection


Queen La is reading a poem from Mya Angelo. She is just speaking about missing MJ and how he was a gift and how the creator gave MJ as a gift. She mentions MJ had passion, compassion, humor and style. MJ gave all that he had be given. The world is missing MJ


OH LAWD……Lionel Richie is singe Jesus is Love. This song always gets me going. I will be floored if they find Howard Hewit to sing Amen. I will be laying on the floor slained in the spirit. Lionel sound a bit off but he will do.


Now they got Barry Gordy up there giving MJ prayers. He says MJ was like a son to him. Really……. Barry screwed the Jackson’s over and would you do that to a son? Whatever! Barry says that as a child MJ sang Smokie’s song better than Smokie. Barry gave a very scripted speech but it sounded heartfelt. Barry said he feels that MJ is the greatest entertainer that ever lived. That may cause some contreversy but he up there with the best, and for me he is one of the best!


They are showing some footage of MJ and I remember mostly all of them. Me and my Aunt was watching the video for I’m Bad did yall know that Westly Snipes was in that video! That it was directed by Martin Scorsese.. this man made the Goodfellows, Casino Cape Fear, Gangs of New York, The Departed and many more


Stevie Wonder is really breaking my co-workers heart she is about to cry. Stevie sang I never thought you would leave in summer ( I think that is what it’s called). The song is so appropriate. Now singing is sanging. Mariah and Lionel need to take note. Damn I’m about to cry too! They are showing the reactions of people across the world and they are crying and looking extremely sad. Co worker had to excuse herself cause she was about to cry.


CNN is freezing up and messing with the damn audio. They betta get it together NOW. I just noticed all MJ brothers have on black suits with yellow ties and yellow roses on their lapel


Why the hell are Magic Johnson and Kobe Bryant up on stage? They just some space fillers. Did yall know that MJ is in Guinness World Records record as the number one philanthropist for popstars?


Look and J Hud. She pregnant as all get out. She sounds pretty good she need to go all the way there. She can take us all to church.


They done let Al Sharpton get on the stage. Jesus take the wheel! Al is losing weight aint he. Al is saying that MJ was the first one to get on MTV making it easier other black entertainers to get on MTV. He said MJ made it easier for people (white people) to accept seeing blacks on the TV screen and the magazines. Al said Obama wrote the Jacksons a letter!
OHHHHHH Man Al told the kids that their daddy was not strange… what he had to deal with was strange. Al was speaking the truth. The Jacksons did make it easier to integrate, MJ did cross over like no other before his time. Al you betta speak the truth!


Sorry I went MIA I had to do some work!


Is that Jermaine up there singing? Damn he don’t sound too bad. Shit he sound better than Lionel Richie! I wonder if that is MJ original glove that he has on? He better not have an album coming out cause Imma be pissed if I find out that he trying to launch his career at his brother funeral


The King kids are up there speaking. Man those people look just like their daddy.


Sheila Jackson Lee up there now. I’m not sure what her significance to MJ. Oh okay she just said they are introducing a bill that will declare MJ as an American icon. I did not know they did that, you learn something new everyday


Did Ursher just make up this song "Gone to Soon". I've never heard it before and it just sound like something he made up in the dressing room right before he was told it was his turn to get on stage. Publicity Whore!


Who is that little boy!


It's winding down and a bunch of no name singers are singing we are the world. Now all the other celebrities are on the stage singing we are world.


Now all his brothers are on the stage thanking people for coming out. Naw that aint the orginal glove they all have on gloves. Marlon on stage trying to hold it together and he is trying to hold it together. He said his brother endured so much and that maybe now they would leave him alone

I wonder if his body is truely in that coffin. I bet it's not in the there that would not be a good idea. The Staples Center is packed! MJ little girl says her daddy has been the best dad you could ever imagine and that she loved him so much. Now that was tear jerker. That girl has courage... she wanted to world to know regardless of what they thought about her dad he was the best to her.

Now they just have the spotlight shining on the mike and its almost like he is standing there.

The pastor is back on stage.

Anyway I am glad all the hoop la is over. Hopefully they won't follow the body and give the family all type of grief.
My first love is gone, may he rest in peace. BTW yesterday when I was at Family Dollar I saw a lady selling MJ shirts. Look like she just took some t-shirts and got MJ pics put on them. Sista getting her hustle on.

Thursday, June 25, 2009


Can you hear heart just broke into a thousand pieces. I just heard Michael Jackson passed away. Truly Michael was the first boy I ever loved, my first crush. I remember me and my cousin would get into arguments about who was the bigger MJ fan and who he would date between the two of us. I LOVE MJ, I'VE BEEN A FAN SINCE I WAS 5 YEARS OLD AND I AM 33!!!!! MJ holds fond memories of me and my brother dancing and singing along to thriller and beat it. I remember my mother dressed me up in a beat it jacket with pleather pants and my brother had a thriller jacket with red pleather pants and we looked too good on Easter. I know MJ had all those surgeries and had that child molestation thing... but you could not deny his talent. I remember when they would do world premiers of his videos me and my family would sit around the television and be mesmerized by this amazing guy doing amazing moves. He seemed so full of charisma and charm. Michael is the reason me and my brother got Jherri Curls. MJ is the King of Pop and there will NEVER be another like him. Last night my friend's and I had a memorial service for Mike and we had a blast. We made pizza rolls, brownies and nachos and turned on BET, CNN and MTV and watch the coverage. We sang songs, drank koolaid jammers, discussed how Mike had to fight so many demons and keep his head up at the same time. We laughed at our favorite MJ memory. We basically had a good time celebrating the life of the legendary Michael Jackson. We lost a great one y'all. Michael represents a time when I was naive and innocent, when music was fun and life was easy. My family was good, I was good and it was the 80's. I remember in the
70's having a dancing contest with my family to the song dancing machine. Man before the song was over everybody in the house was dancing, bell bottoms moving and grooving. I've shared so many moments of my life with Michael. He is part of the sound track of my life. I feel like a family member passed away. You know who you get that bad gut feeling that won't leave, well that is how I feel. Michael was personal to me, he was apart of my life. I really will miss him more than than the words on this screen can convey. But what gives me joy is my little brother is in heaven and I believe he was waiting on MJ to clear the gate so he could get a personal dance lesson. Life is precious, time is priceless, spend it wisely. Be kind to others, understand that everyone is not like you and that is okay. We love you and we will miss you. Mike rest in peace and fly, dance and sing with the angels baby. When you see my lil brother John in heaven, please teach him how to do the moon walk the right way....without socks gliding on the kitchen floor!

What the Hell is Going on Iran

If you are like me you may be wondering what the hell is going on in Iran. Currently I do not have cable and do not have a converter box either. Therefore everything I watch is on dvd, however when I listen to the news in the car I keep hearing about the protest in Iran. My job keeps CNN playing in the break area and I saw what seemed to be riots, people marching, fires and basically a bunch of pissed off people.

With that in mind I decided to research the problem.

On June 12th there was an election. Although there were a few candidates the real race was between the incumbent president and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Hossein Mousavi.

Many people felt that the incumbent president represented the “old” Iran and the people wanted the change the international perception of their country. With uncertain and declining oil revenues and a global financial crisis, Iran has fallen on hard times. The nation suffers from high inflation and an unemployment rate that tops 30 percent (according to unofficial figures) -- one of the highest in the region, despite the country's huge oil exports. Public discontent over the faltering economy has seen President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad become increasingly unpopular. His reformist and conservative opponents alike have criticized him publicly for spending too much time agitating the U.S. and Israel and not enough trying to fix the crumbling economy. Some feel he has essentially alienated the country because of his vampire-like blood thirst for nuclear weapons and hate for Israel.
The youth was really excited about Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and their was kind of an Obama effect associated with this man. The youth openly support him in the streets, but instead of donning branded merchandise they dress head to toe in brilliant green. Some even paint their faces. , Mousavi has publicly criticized Ahmadinejad’s incompetent, foolish and irresponsible behavior on the international stage. He said he wanted to increase positive relations with neighboring countries and the United States. Mousavi also claims his effort to advance the nation’s nuclear program will be for “peaceful purposes.”

Many Iranians felt this election represented the need for freedom in Iran. Freedom of a tyrannical government and freedom under an oppressive leader.
To the dismay of many the incumbent president won the election then all hell broke loose.

Supporters of reform candidate Mir Hossein Mousavi, upset at their announced loss and suspicions of voter fraud, took to the streets both peacefully and, in some cases, violently to vent their frustrations. Iranian security forces and hardline volunteer militia members responded with force and arrests, attempting to stamp out the protests. The protest went on for days and is still going on in some areas
I guess I can understand what the people of Iran are going through. They want freedom in everyway, a true democracy that pushes away dictatorship. It also reminds me of the McCain and Obama election. People were tired of the same ole thing and wanted change so badly that they voted a black man into office. Frustration can be a great change maker and that seems to be what is going on in Iran. We would have been rioting too if Obama lost the election. When the people want, need and desire something that their government refused to give will jumpstart a revolution. My prayers are with the protesters and the people of Iran. Just for a moment I pray that peace will be still

Friday, June 19, 2009

American Companies Assisted Apartheid

Think slavery was a bitch…..apartheid was no fun either. Imagine living in a land where your people are a majority and still subjected to being treated as a second class citizen. For those of you that is not familiar with apartheid I will give you a brief run down.

With the enactment of apartheid laws in 1948, racial discrimination was institutionalized. Race laws touched every aspect of social life, including a prohibition of marriage between non-whites and whites, and the sanctioning of ``white-only'' jobs. In 1950, the Population Registration Act required that all South Africans be racially classified into one of three categories: white, black (African), or colored (of mixed decent). The coloured category included major subgroups of Indians and Asians. Classification into these categories was based on appearance, social acceptance, and descent. For example, a white person was defined as ``in appearance obviously a white person or generally accepted as a white person.'' A person could not be considered white if one of his or her parents were non-white. The determination that a person was ``obviously white'' would take into account ``his habits, education, and speech and deportment and demeanor.'' A black person would be of or accepted as a member of an African tribe or race, and a colored person is one that is not black or white. The Department of Home Affairs (a government bureau) was responsible for the classification of the citizenry.

Now that we all on the same page… apartheid victims have won the right to sue companies in the United States.

In a major court ruling, victims of South Africa's apartheid era have won the right to sue General Motors, IBM and other multi-national corporations
for complicity in human rights abuses.
A federal judge in New York gave the green light Wednesday for class actions against the corporations under US law allowing rights claims from abroad to be addressed in a US court.

IBM is being sued because it is likely that the tool which made the most crucial contribution to the system of apartheid was the computerized population register. The Plural Affairs Department maintained the passbook system on the more than twenty five million Africans defined as black. These records were all kept electronically on British-made ICL hardware. The Department of the Interior maintained the "Book of Life" files on the other seven million citizens classified as non-blacks using an IBM hardware system. The main purpose of the population registry was administration of the influx control system, a system which channeled needed black workers into the labor force to be exploited, and confined others to the desolate homelands. The passbooks, which every black person was automatically given at the age of sixteen, coupled with the computer database, guaranteed one's instant identification and one's history of government opposition. If these passbooks were properly endorsed, the owner had the right to work or live in "white areas", and lack of these endorsements or failure to produce the passbook resulted in arrest and jail. Many were detained for months at a time without a trial and their families were not given notification of their whereabouts

The lawsuits argue that the car-makers knew their vehicles were being used by South African forces to violently suppress protests. Allegedly Daimler, Ford and General Motors aided and abetted apartheid, torture, extrajudicial killing and cruel, inhuman and degrading treatment -- in part because their security personnel were”intimately involved" with the torture and inhuman treatment of several plaintiffs and also because the companies provided the military equipment and trucks used by the South African Defense Forces and the special branch for attacks on protesting citizens and activists;

Based on the ties many American companies have with slavery it would not be a far fetch idea to believe they were involved with apartheid too. The American and European economy was built on the exploitation of Africa. Stealing her diamonds and her most precious commodity… her people. Not only do I hope the victims of apartheid are victorious in their court case, I also hope reparations can be paid to the descendants of slavery. I know this has been debated by far more educated and refined pundits, but I feel that issuing an apology is wack and not enough. Seriously, they paid the Japanese and Native Americans, why not pay the African Americans. Hell at this point 40 acres and a Ford F-150 don’t sound too bad.

The sad part about apartheid is it ended in 1994. I graduated from high school that year and I never knew that people in Africa was dealing with such racism and hatred. My school(s) never taught about the trials and tribulations of my African brothers and sisters. However, they did teach us about European history and every February we would talk about Martin Lutha Kang...Harriett Tubman, W.E.B. Dubois, and Fredrick Douglas. They acted like these were the only black people worth discussing for the 28 days of black history