What About Your Friends

I have a friend who seems to think it is okay to share my personal business with her family. I’ve shared some of my relationship issues with her in hopes that she would give me her advice. I never knew she was telling her family my business. The other day I was speaking to her about an issue with my man and she says, “My aunt Marilyn said she don’t know why you still with him, she said she gonna add you to her prayer list. Marilyn said you are way too nice to be with a man like that.”

First of all let me say that I do not have a personal relationship with Aunt Marilyn and have only met her a handful of times. We most certainly have not swapped secrets, not to mention Auntie is at least 60 years old…way out of my age demographics as far as friends go.

So when she said this I looked at her crazy but did not respond. My behavior towards her has changed, I know longer share my information with her anymore. Our relationship is not as personal as it used to be. I barely call her anymore. Needless to say I was pissed when I found out that she thought it was a good idea to share my information with her family. Not to mention that she was so cool with it she even thought it was a good idea to tell me that she was putting my business in the street.
I am not really a catty woman and I don’t believe that all women are two faced and want to bring other women down. There is a myth out there that women can’t get along with other women and I do not believe that to be true.
I do believe there are some people who are insecure with themselves and find it refreshing to speak ill of others to make themselves feel a little better, especially when it comes to the relationship front. I also believe that these same people are people who are in most need of friends but are incapable of keeping them due to their own self destructive behavior.

I now tell this friend nothing but good things about my relationship. I even make up stuff sometimes to give the illusion that my relationship is the greatest thing since slice bread. I try to make it so sweet that it becomes sickening. I do this on purpose; this seems to be a person that won’t spread good news, only bad. It’s a shame that I do this but I rather do this and talk to her less frequently than to cuss her ass out and make her feel stupid.
All friends are built differently some are all around good people, while others are only good for one thing or another. There are some lessons I am still learning.

Love and Hip Hot Atlanta

One of guilty pleasures is watching Love and Hip Hop Atlanta. Yes, I know this show makes every self righteous black conscience, black aware person cringe. But hey, it is funny, sad, amusing and entertaining for me to watch. After watching the latest episode I was appalled and more than a little upset.

One of the shows main characters K. Michelle (KM) was speaking to some young lady about domestic violence and her experiences around the issue. KM alleges that one of her ex-boyfriends abused her and spent up a great deal of her advance money on frivolous things like jewelry. She seems to be stuck in that place where she can’t get past what happened to her. The wound is very fresh as she still cries every time she speaks about it, if she is not crying she seems to shows veracious anger when talking our the situation.

The ex-boy friend now is married to another one of the main characters (Rasheeda) good friend. Rasheeda decided to tell KM that she doesn’t believe that she was actually abused by her ex-boyfriend and she thought KM was exaggerating. Of course all that anger spilled out and KM told her that it did happened and that she was not there so how could she say what really happened. KM starting yelling and crying and eventually stormed off.
This ticked me off because as women we are so quick to judge each other. I know Rasheeda probably felt some sort of loyalty to her friend and wanted to go on record to say she didn’t believe it, but was that the right thing….absolutely NOT. How does she know that her friend is not getting abused physically and/or emotionally? What does she know about this man in his past relationships and behaviors towards women?

I have been in an abusive relationship before and trust me I was not running around telling my friends that I getting beat up weekly and verbally abused daily. It wasn’t until I was ready to end that relationship that I revealed the truth. In the end I was angrier at myself than him because I tolerated the abuse, because I stayed and allowed myself to be mistreated. All abusers are not the same, but the truth is until a person seeks help they will always abuse at some point.

As women we need to stop making judgments and be more supportive towards one another. I am particularly concerned about black women, we speak so ill of one another, we have a serious jealously problem as well as no solidarity. We bash each other without a second thought, we are our own greatest enemy.

The Olympics Are Over ....

So the Olympics are over and truly the women ruled the games. American women came to win and they really showed the world that we are strong, beautiful, talented and truly amazing!!!! However, even with all that celebrating going on there was indeed some hating in the atmosphere as well. Gabby is a 16 year old African American Princess who won two gold medals and was the first African American to win all round best gymnast and all black women could do is talk about how nappy her hair was. Are you fucking kidding me. This young lady made history and we gonna talk about the condition of her hair. First of all there is nothing wrong with her hair, most of us can barely do a damn cartwheel and will break out in a sweat just walking from the parking lot to our jobs. This young lady was ranked as THE BEST IN THE WORLD, and believe me that takes breaking a sweat. Gabby I appreciate you, thank you for showing other girls that if they focus on the inside and do what they love and put in a great deal of hard work they too can be an absolute success. While we were talking about how nappy her hair was. The main stream media kept talking about how her mama was broke and how her daddy left the mom and they were in the process of a divorce. They also had the nerve to try to determine if Gabby's dad was entitled to some of her earnings. Main stream American mind yo bidness! Whatever is going on in the Douglas home does not concern you are me. Yea her mama might be broke do you know how much it takes to training and prepare for the Olympics. It is very costly. Hell more than half of America is broke right now do what is the big deal. I have never seen people go after a person like they went after Gabby and her family and people it is really unfair. Next up is Lolo. Lolo was accused of being overexposed and outshining the rest of the rest of the American track and field team. She did not win the gold and as if that was not devastating enough she was ripped to shreds by some sports writers. Trust me you do not feel as bad as Lolo does. She is quoted as saying “I worked six days a week, every day, for four years for a 12-second race and the fact that they just tore me apart,” she said, struggling with her words. “It was just heartbreaking.” Lolo my heart goes out to you know that if you did your best that is all we can expect. Winning is great but there are many that did not make it as far as you did and many of us are still proud of you and are happy to have you represent our country. Ms. bootieful Serena really served it up and won the gold. After winning Serena did a little dance that many referred to as the "Crip Walk". This is a dance that is suppose to be synonymous with the Crip gang. Seeing that she is from Compton, Ca I guess everyone might have thought she was bigging up the Crips. Now I know and you know that Serena aint no damn Crip. Hell my little 8 year old nephew has done that dance and I know damn well he aint no crip. If you won something as big as an Olympic gold medal you might do a little gig too. People grow the hell up she was simply celebrating and having a good time. I salute you Serena for an excellent job well done.