If your black, single, and fairly successful (you can pay your rent , buy some groceries, pay the utilities, and car note on time….that constitutes success to me) I will not be telling nothing you don’t already know. Not only is it hard out here for a pimp, it’s also hard out here for single black women. Never in my life have I experienced this much singledom. Finding a man that wants to be in a committed relationship is very hard in itself, but when you add additional characteristics such as productive, employed, preferably no babies, no gold teeth, articulate, and charming then thing get sticky. It’s not like these types of men do not exist, because they do…. no really they do, it’s just there is more inventory (women) at their disposal than ever before. According to statistics on college campuses there is a 7 to 1 ratio between women and men. Seven women to one man….. can you imagine how much pootang them brothers are getting. It’s like a virtual buffet of women and now days the men are more chooser than the women. Remember back in the day you could go out and just give a guy that “look” and within a few minutes he would be over trying to get ya number, well for the most part those days are long gone. In today’s market a sistah has to be aggressive and be ready to speak up if she wants a man. Batting eyelashes, swaying hips, and hair flips are things of the past, you must be prepared to ask him out and buy him a drink too!
Unfortunately, I am not that aggressive and still (somewhat) believe that men should do the initiating. I mean they are suppose to be the hunters and gathers right? I know the dynamics of dating while black is changing but I find it hard to get with the program. This phenomenon is not only affecting me it’s also occurring with several of my single sistah friends. Many find themselves dating below their normal standards due to the limited access to good “datable” men. For example you may find instead of dating the nice brother with a job and his own place you are being approached by the brother that just got out of Rikers Island, on house arrest, a gold grill, trying to get back in the “pharmaceutical” bidness but looking for a nice lady to spend his time with. Then you may say what the hell why not… next thing you know this brother trying act all brand new like he grade A top choice. I can not tell you how many times I have been left scratching my head tryna figure out how a man I’m really not all the interested in got the nerve to be acting a damn fool! I finally decided to just keep my cookies to myself… I am throwing my hands up and backing away from penis. Because right now I am thoroughly confused as to why a college educated, fairly decent looking, no kids having, good money making sistah like myself can’t find a man to save my life. No let me correct that, a man worth having to save my life.
And since I am complaining what’s up with marriage? If you happen to have a man according to the statistics the chances of you getting married to that man is very, very, very slim. The percentage of never-married black women 16 and older was 42.3 percent compared with 22.7 percent of white women, according to the Joint Center for Political and Economic Studies in Washington. That means a white woman got double the chance of getting married that you and me. If you feeling high and mighty cause you are married I would suggest you check the statistics on the chance of you staying married and I’m sure that smug feeling you have will instantly dissipate. Cause based on statistics, there is a better chance that a black couple will die in a terrorist attack before their marriage last longer than 7 years. With that said I still wanna get married… at least give it a try. What gets me is you can meet a 450lb white woman missing all her teeth, and has one leg but I bet she is married. Then there is the Mexican lady with 8 kids, but guess what, they are all by the same man and he married her too! It seems like other cultures embrace the concept of marriage better than African Americans. Could it be that they are taught marriage and the theory of two is better that one at an early age? Maybe the men are taught that if you make babies with a woman make plans to marry her. I can’t really define the absolute reason behind the lack of enthusiasm of marriage in the black community, or why other ethnicities choose to marriage but I wish every woman and man could find their soul mate and live happily every after. Until then I am going to relax, live my life and see where this thing call life take me.
3 comments:
As a 27 year old very single black female I understand where you are comming from. It all boils down to the fact that black women are progressing at a faster pace than our black men. But I would rather be single than date or be married to someone that I cannot respect.
I am a Black women who is a relationship coach and the author of a relationship memoir. I will be 50 years old in January of 2008. I remember that about 5 years ago, I commented to my girlfriends who are in my age group that I was "Afraid for women in my daughter's age group (20-30) because it looks like they will have no one to marry." It appears that my fears were correct and my heart bleeds for Black women who've lived by the book so to speak and stayed in school, didn't have any children out-of-wedlock, have thriving careers, have purchased property, have wonderful family and friends but the chances of them marrying a Black man of the same demographic is slim to none.
Young sisters, while I love Black man, it is time for Black women of all ages who desire a mate to do some serious soul searching regarding this matter. Many people accuse the media of altering statistics regarding Black folk but the numbers do not lie and your blog post is just one of the many pieces of evidence to support the fact that the pool of eligible candidates for Black women to marry (at any age) has dwindled to the lowest number in history.
While the strongest desire of your heart in this matter is to meet and marry a Black man with the attributes and characteristics you desire, perhaps it is time to focus on all men with the attributes you desire regardless of the color of their skin or their ethnicity. How's that for a definition of "interracial dating?"
For some strange reason, Black women are the leading group in our society with a strong aversion for dating outside of our race and we are the leading group in our society with no dating and no marriage prospects! My major in college was not math but I can count and this does not compute.
Bottom line: it is time for beautiful, gainfully employed, educated, hard loving, spiritually guided Black women to expand their pool of dating and marriage candidates to include men of other races and ethnicities. You shudder at the thought do you? Well, which thought causes you to shudder the most - being single the rest of your life and rarely, if ever, dating OR considering the possibility of dating someone who's skin tone may not match yours?
Carmin Wharton, The Relationship Teacher
http://www.lovelessonslearned.com - Book Website
http://www.carminwharton.com - Author's Official Website
http://www.e-blackwomennetwork.com - Networking & Business Site
http://www.therelationshipteacher.com - Blog
The outlook is so bleak isn't it...then they tell us well you might have to look outside your race oh sweet Jesus what fresh new hell is this? It's finally come down to billy, jose, chang, or me myself and I.
Post a Comment