CAN U HEAR..... I TOLD U I WAS CRAZY!!!!

As many of you know I am on a sexual hiatus (celibate) and I’ve also decided to give up dating for awhile. This was really not a hard decision because after my last “relationship”, and I use the term relationship very loosely, I realized that I was making some poor choices in terms of who I chose to date. Not to mention, the “relationship” ended on very bad terms and I just need a break. So I am going on with my life, minding my very own business and POW……. I bumped into my friend’s brother, whom I haven’t seen or spoken to in about 16 years. This brotha tells me that he has had a secret crush on me since I was 15 but never had the guts to approach me and wanted to know if we could talk on the phone from time to time. I agreed, what’s wrong with talking…..it’s not a relationship right? So last night we were talking and the word relationship came up and I advised him that I was not in any condition to be in another relationship. We finish our conversation and I felt confidant that this will be a friendship and nothing more. So later that evening I speak to him again and he tells me that he is really feeling me and want to be more that just friends. So I decided to just keep it real with brotha man. I said, “I’ma be honest with you, I ain’t relationship material right now, I am nursing a broken heart, I’m still mad at that other nigga, I feel like damaged goods and I really don’t want to be in a relationship right now because I am having some trust issues, I feel all men are liars, and they thrive on hurting women. Now with that said I feel I would not be a good girlfriend for you. You would think he would go running towards the hill…..you would be wrong. He paused for a minute, then says “ I think you should try to move on and leave the past in the past. Why you gone let another man keep you from being happy. You should just dust yourself off and know that there is someone out there that will love you, care, for you, adore you, and accept you. So what he was not the one, that does not mean all men are dogs, and that you are damaged goods, it just means that you and him were not meant to be together.”


I roll my eyes up in my head, thinking this fool just does not get it. I try to explain to him that I do not want another dysfunctional relationship, I don’t wanna hurt nobody and I don’t want nobody to hurt me. Basically right now I am a crazy woman and I feel so sorry for the next man that hurts my feelings, I hope is mama has life insurance, cause the next man will be leaving the relationship with stitches if he breaks my heart!!!!! (lol) . I understand that not all men are dogs and that there are some good men out there but right now I just do not want to be bothered with a man… PERIOD.

My question is why do people want to deal with crazy people? I think I heard this on Oprah, “when people tell you or show you who they are….. believe them.” Here I am telling this man I am crazy, deranged and not good relationship material and he still wants a relationship! Don’t get it twisted, this guy seems to be really nice, he reads, he speaks well, and the conversation flows nicely but he is my friend’s brother and I don’t want to mess up our friendship over some relational issues with her brother. Plus I don’t want my friend to know all my personal business, he is very close with his sister and I can see him discussing our business with her, which will be a big no-no. Why the hell would the universe send me someone when I clearly stated that I am out the dating game….. I GIVE UP, DONE , FINISHED, SURRENDER, VAMONOS, CONCLUDING, COMPLETING, BOWING OUT, EXITING, REMOVING MYSELF, CEASE, END, TERMINATE, RELEASE, CONCLUDE, STOP in other words I am not dating again... FOR A LONG TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I just want to heal, get my self together and learn to love me and accept me in all my beautiful glory. Ole boy did a number on my heart and I really don’t feel it’s fair to have another pay for crimes he did not commit. Maybe 6 months down the road things will change but right now this is how I feel. I really do want a good man, a committed man, and man that knows how to be strong and knows there are times when I need him to be sensitive. As I said in a previous post finding a man that is ready to commit can be very hard… hell finding a man that is willing to pay for a date without expecting a woman to put out at the end can be hard. However, if Mr. Right showed up today I am sure I would scare him away, so I wish this man would either be patient and just be my friend or accept the fact that I am just in a good place to be his woman.