RIP Uncle Jabbo

While many are mourning the loss of Bernie Mac... I am mourning Uncle Jab. Today my favorite uncle died and I am all messed up about it. When things like death come around everything during that time become singed in my mind. I will remember where I was at when I heard the news, what songs came on the radio, what I ate, what it smelled like and what I was feeling when I found out.

Years later I can hear the song I heard moments after the death of a loved one, and I will immediately associate the song with their death. But death of a loved one always brings my own mortality to the fore front. Like, I know one day I will die, but I can not say that I am looking forward to it. Death makes me reflect on my own life and my happiness.

You only get one life and ideally you want it to be full of joy, happiness, love and peace. When I think of loved ones that passed on I try to determine if they lived a full life and if they knew that that day would have been their last day what would they have said or did.

I often wonder did God come to them, if they had an out of body experience, if an angel escorted them to the pearly gates or if it's all a lie. Honestly, I am afraid of death, people tell me "if you know where you stand with God then there is no need to be afraid." But I am afraid of the unknown... afraid it may hurt, afraid of leaving what I know and afraid of being forgotten.

My uncle Jabbo was the baby boy of 12 kids. He was funny and very loving. He never
took himself too seriously, just a good guy. I hated to see him go, I know that's a
selfish statement..... but it's true. I HATE funerals, I hate seeing people laying there all stiff, in a wax like state. It's 1:20am and I can not get my uncle and his death off my mind.

I'm so tired of death.... I really just had dealing with the entire process. It's hard to see my family in such a sad state. I just pray we can get through this and keep his memory alive.

I love and miss you uncle jab..... rest in GOD's peace