Friday, October 12, 2007

If My Chocolaty-ness Offends.. Oh Well.


Last night one of my very good friends pissed me off so bad I considered telling her to kiss my ass and get a life. Don’t get me wrong I love my friend and she has been there for me through some really rough times in my life, however even the people we love can have very foolish opinions.

I was telling my friend that I am cutting all the relaxed hair off because I was tired of dealing with two textures of hair. She then asked me how long my hair would be when I cut off the relaxed portion of hair. I told her that I would be left with about 3” of hair and I may wear a small afro or twists. She got really, really quiet, then she said I think you are gonna look crazy with that nappy hair on your head, especially if you wear it in an afro. I asked her what she means when she says crazy. She said I just think you won’t look right with short natural hair because you are dark skinned. Now I’m getting pissed but strangely I’m interested in what she has to say. So I press her further. “What does my skin color hafta do with me wearing my hair short and in its natural state?” She replied, “Dark skinned people that have short nappy hair, look like they are from Africa, and they just don’t look right.” Then she went on to say that she needed a photo of me after I cut my hair to make sure that I looked okay because she has some very important people she wants me to meet and she does not want me to be looking all crazy when I meet them.


You may ask is this b*tch really a friend. I would hafta still say yes, she just may be a bit ill informed and suffer from what I call “white is right syndrome.” My friend is black but like many blacks she thinks that dark skin is not all that beautiful and nappy hair is certainly not an accepted practice. Most people would probably have told her a few choice words and never spoken to her again. Then again, this is something that I am unfortunately used too. I have grown accustomed to people “making fun” of my skin, being thought of as less attractive or undesirable all due to the hue of skin. Many of my family members tried to instill high self esteem and self worth but they could only shelter me so much because at some point we all have to deal with the real world. It took years for me to realize that I am not damaged and that God made me this way, and in his eyes I am perfection at its best!

Even with that said I am still amazed that some black people still trip so hard off of skin tones. We have been so brain washed to believe that beauty comes in the form of light skin (the lighter the better), narrow noses, light eyes and thin bodies. Hell, until Angelina Jolie full lips were a big no-no, but since it’s been socially accepted by white folks we can start to feel good about our naturally full lips again. And as far as hair is concerned I am still trying to figure out why nappy is considered a four letter word that should never be used in association with a well groomed, pretty black woman. Is it that “pretty” girls don’t have nappy hair and dark skin? Why are we so afraid of our natural hair, it’s the way we were made. Do you see other ethnicities using permanent chemicals to make their hair look like black folks hair? Then why must we all conform to making our hair resemble the hair of our European counterparts. Once again I have no problem with the way anyone, black or white wears their hair, but please do not tell me I am not beautiful if I do not look like the prescribed perception of beauty. I have learned that beauty is really in the eye of the beholder and beauty is different things to different people. But in my mind India Arie is just as beautiful as Rhianna and Me'Shell Ndegéocello is just as radiant as Alicia Keys. So many black people have allowed white folks to shape their views, perceptions and opinions of their own race. Some of us have no idea of what real beauty is because we have become comfortable with main stream (white) America telling us what is acceptable and like ” good black folks” we believe what massa says. And if you go against the grain you will be punished with people questioning your authentic God given beauty. Expect name calling, elitist behavior and superiority issues.

As I’ve grown older thankfully wisdom as followed and I know inevitably self love is the most important asset a person can possess. When a person has a good level of confidence people are immediately drawn to them. Most people can’t even explain why they like confidant people normally they say “it’s just something about them.” I like to call it swagger and recently, my swagger increased about ten folds. My new swagger lets people know I think I am beautiful, radiant, lovely, personable, and divine. If my chocolaty hue offends, oh well, I am what I am. Like Mary says, “Take me as I am, or have nothing at all, I can only be me.” So I guess I won’t be meeting my friend’s people anytime soon, and to be honest I really don’t give a damn what she thinks either. Oh and don’t look forward to receiving that photo because I don’t need approval. I love my life, and I try to live each day like it’s golden.




5 comments:

Debo Blue said...

From a dark-skinneded sister to another...great going!

Keep your head up dear and thank God you had people in your life who loved you enough to teach you your value no matter your skin colour.

Anonymous said...

YOU GO GIRL! I applaud you I wimp out everytime I grow my hair out....my hair has been long( halfway down my back)for so long I can never work up quite enough courage....my baby sis is going natural and I am so happy for her! It may be that she is jealous that you are not afraid of cutting out the status quo! once again YOU GO GIRL!

Anonymous said...

I think you may have misunderstood your friend's view. She have not meant it the way it sounded and was just trying to keep you from making a mistake because once you cut it off there is no going back.

Anonymous said...

As a white man who is married to a black woman, you are a beautiful woman who should wear your hair as you see fit. People too often worry that a certain style of dress or hair will negatively affect them. I am not some hippy who thinks everyone can do as they please, I understand the reality of the world we live in.If the style is done with taste and worn with confidence then it will not be a problem. I wish my wife would let her hair go natural but she like your friend is worried what others will think. It is a shame that more people don't reject all the marketing hipe in the US that you have to coat/inject your body with chemicals to look beautiful. We have so perverted beauty in this country.

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