If My Chocolaty-ness Offends.. Oh Well.

Last night one of my very good friends pissed me off so bad I considered telling her to kiss my ass and get a life. Don’t get me wrong I love my friend and she has been there for me through some really rough times in my life, however even the people we love can have very foolish opinions.

I was telling my friend that I am cutting all the relaxed hair off because I was tired of dealing with two textures of hair. She then asked me how long my hair would be when I cut off the relaxed portion of hair. I told her that I would be left with about 3” of hair and I may wear a small afro or twists. She got really, really quiet, then she said I think you are gonna look crazy with that nappy hair on your head, especially if you wear it in an afro. I asked her what she means when she says crazy. She said I just think you won’t look right with short natural hair because you are dark skinned. Now I’m getting pissed but strangely I’m interested in what she has to say. So I press her further. “What does my skin color hafta do with me wearing my hair short and in its natural state?” She replied, “Dark skinned people that have short nappy hair, look like they are from Africa, and they just don’t look right.” Then she went on to say that she needed a photo of me after I cut my hair to make sure that I looked okay because she has some very important people she wants me to meet and she does not want me to be looking all crazy when I meet them.


You may ask is this b*tch really a friend. I would hafta still say yes, she just may be a bit ill informed and suffer from what I call “white is right syndrome.” My friend is black but like many blacks she thinks that dark skin is not all that beautiful and nappy hair is certainly not an accepted practice. Most people would probably have told her a few choice words and never spoken to her again. Then again, this is something that I am unfortunately used too. I have grown accustomed to people “making fun” of my skin, being thought of as less attractive or undesirable all due to the hue of skin. Many of my family members tried to instill high self esteem and self worth but they could only shelter me so much because at some point we all have to deal with the real world. It took years for me to realize that I am not damaged and that God made me this way, and in his eyes I am perfection at its best!

Even with that said I am still amazed that some black people still trip so hard off of skin tones. We have been so brain washed to believe that beauty comes in the form of light skin (the lighter the better), narrow noses, light eyes and thin bodies. Hell, until Angelina Jolie full lips were a big no-no, but since it’s been socially accepted by white folks we can start to feel good about our naturally full lips again. And as far as hair is concerned I am still trying to figure out why nappy is considered a four letter word that should never be used in association with a well groomed, pretty black woman. Is it that “pretty” girls don’t have nappy hair and dark skin? Why are we so afraid of our natural hair, it’s the way we were made. Do you see other ethnicities using permanent chemicals to make their hair look like black folks hair? Then why must we all conform to making our hair resemble the hair of our European counterparts. Once again I have no problem with the way anyone, black or white wears their hair, but please do not tell me I am not beautiful if I do not look like the prescribed perception of beauty. I have learned that beauty is really in the eye of the beholder and beauty is different things to different people. But in my mind India Arie is just as beautiful as Rhianna and Me'Shell Ndegéocello is just as radiant as Alicia Keys. So many black people have allowed white folks to shape their views, perceptions and opinions of their own race. Some of us have no idea of what real beauty is because we have become comfortable with main stream (white) America telling us what is acceptable and like ” good black folks” we believe what massa says. And if you go against the grain you will be punished with people questioning your authentic God given beauty. Expect name calling, elitist behavior and superiority issues.

As I’ve grown older thankfully wisdom as followed and I know inevitably self love is the most important asset a person can possess. When a person has a good level of confidence people are immediately drawn to them. Most people can’t even explain why they like confidant people normally they say “it’s just something about them.” I like to call it swagger and recently, my swagger increased about ten folds. My new swagger lets people know I think I am beautiful, radiant, lovely, personable, and divine. If my chocolaty hue offends, oh well, I am what I am. Like Mary says, “Take me as I am, or have nothing at all, I can only be me.” So I guess I won’t be meeting my friend’s people anytime soon, and to be honest I really don’t give a damn what she thinks either. Oh and don’t look forward to receiving that photo because I don’t need approval. I love my life, and I try to live each day like it’s golden.