Father's Day Remembrance

Today is Father's day, but you would not know it buy looking in restaurants, the card aisle, or the electronic stores. You see there is not a mad rush to celebrate fathers.. mama gets all the thank yous and appreciation dinners most of the time.

I often think about my own father and what he meant to me. Actually we had a love hate relationship. My father believed in education. With that in mind, he taught me my multiplication in third grade.... all the way to multiples of 12. On the weekend he always wanted us to "play" school and review what we learned that week. I knew very early in life what my daddy expected from me educationally.

However, that is where the expectations ended. My father was a drug dealer but he was very careful not to expose me and my siblings to his life style. I was a teenager before I realized how my dad made his money... and by that time he was dead.

A Dad is a girl's first love. In many cases without a truly involved Dad many girls like myself make many mistakes when it comes to finding love. When my father was alive he ruled the house like a tyrant and often spoke to my mother in a disrespectful way. I think he thought his money and support gave him the right to rule with an iron fist.

Deep down I despised him and made a vow to never let a man disrespect me and rule me with his finances. My dad has been dead for 18 years, but my feelings towards him has affected many of my relationships. I have no desire to have a man take care of me or provide for me. I'm scared to totally depend on a man because I view that as being weak. In my young eyes my mother was weak because for many years of her life she needed my dad to survive.


I often wonder, what type of woman would I be if my Dad was alive today. Would I be as bitter towards men as I am today? Would I've made better choices in life partners?
Would we be estranged? I guess it really doesn't matter now. It is what it is..

But if he were alive I would still wish him a HAPPY FATHER'S DAY.