Becky Is Getting On My Muthaf%$##$ Nerves

When I say Becky I am generally referring to White women. I am not generalizing all White women because many of them are ambitious hard working women. But the few that try to ride other people coat tails to the top get on my damn nerves.

I am working on team project and it counts as 60% of the total grade for the class. I am in the group with two other people. We orginally started with five people but the other two decided to drop the class.

So this is a huge project and requires a great deal of hard work, time and comittment from the group. The other two people in the group are white. I have become used to being the only black in a social, work and schoolistic setting.

The first week we met up and divided up the work for the project. I noticed that Becky took the simpilest easist part of the project. But I thought she was going really go hard and put a lot more into it since me and the other guy had a majority of the project.

The second week of the project we brought back our work to see what we had so far and to see if we could be of any assistance to each other. I had 5 pages of solid work, the guy in the group had tons of his work completed. Becky showed up with one page of bullshit!

Then she starts acting all flirty with the guy in the group and he tells her since he is almost done his part he could help her with her part. I'm like really WTF, this bitch aint did shit but showed up with a few words on a piece of paper.

The same type of shit be occuring on the job. Becky's start acting all ambitious and shit and when it is really time to do some work, they start looking for a more experinced person to do the real hard work. Then of course after that they got the nerve to want to take full credit for the the shit.

Like I said this does not apply to all White women, some come to play and come to win. I know laziness can come in many shades, and is not exclusive to white women. But when you see White women passing you up no matter how much education you have. You see managment prefer they be the spokesperson the company.

People tend to believe them first before making them prove themselves. Whereas I have to prove I am smart, intelligent and worthy of a fair shot. And in many cases I have found that the Becky winds up hating me because they assumed I was an easy target and they were the smarter one.

I am just letting off steam because I am working on this damn project and Becky just texted that she could not show up. I could strangle that heifer right about now.

Finances

Merging two lives together is no joke. I am a planner and a saver. Yes I spend money on frivolous things but I really like to make sure my bills are paid first. However, my man is the total opposite. He likes to stay looking good and fly but likes to pay his bills last.

This is not an attractive trait. Actually its a freaking turn off to me. How the hell you wanna stay looking fly and your lights about to be turned off? We have had so many fights about money that its not even funny. He thinks Im a tight wad who plans like Im about to retire or die tomorrow. I believe in putting insurance on everything and contributing to my 401k.

Im sure he has never thought of his 401k and saving is not even in his vocabulary. The man is trying to turn me into him. He ask why I dont spoil myself, why I dont have a Coach purse, Why I dont pay 100's of dollar for tennis shoes, why I drunk before I go to the club. I look at him like he a plum damn fool. Most of the time I say ninja Imma be rich while yo broke azz go be begging me for cash.

I understand the live for the day mentality but I dont know if I can get past his negligence with money

Can You Imagine

So the cause of Whitney Houston's death as been ruled as an accidental drowning. They found cocaine and Xanax in her system along with heart disease. This is really not breaking news to many of Whitney's fans. We hoped that they did not find drugs in her system but privately we knew it could be a possibility.

In Whitney I saw some of my own family members, fighting for their life back. Trying to break free of demon that just seems to haunt them and stick to them like glue. I have a few close family members that had a private battle with crack cocaine. But at least they had anonymity on their side. They could fight the battle at their own pace, but Whitney did not have that privilege.

Can you imagine the whole world knowing your weakness and it being played out in the media? Imagine your worst day being exposed to the world to see and to judge. Imagine trying your best and failing over and over again all while people watch. That would be hard to take, but our celebrities deal with this daily.

Now imagine being Bobbi Kristina and losing your mama while the world looks on and show you pity. They follow you around and judge you just like they did your mama. People that claimed to be her friends took pictures of Whitney in her casket! The woman could not live in peace nor could she die in peace.


While the money is great it almost seems like a miserable life doesn't it.

Treyvon Martin

I know the whole country is ablaze with talk about the senseless killing of Treyvon Martin. I like many of you was taken aback by the situation when I first heard it, then I felt nothing. Yes I was numb, I'm from the ghetto so I am used to black men being killed for no apparent reason than being at the wrong place at the wrong time.

In 2003 my brother was murdered. I am still not sure what happened but I do know my brother was shot in the head and left to die in a dirty alley. It was the hardest thing that I ever had to deal with in my life. I could not talk about it for years without breaking down in tears. So many nights I thought about taking my own life because I could not imagine living in a world without him. I could not imagine breathing when he could not breath, being warm while he was laying in a cold grave. It was a time that all I could do was go to work. I could not socialize, maintain a relationship, clean my house or just be normal. I was depressed beyond belief. The police did very little to find his killer. They treated his death like another black man killed........oh well. It was like his life did not matter to them.

With that said I can relate to the parents of this 17 year old child. Wanting justice and the people who are suppose to protect you are ignoring you and your pain. What I can not imagine is knowing the killer of my child is roaming free and there is nothing but God keeping you from taking his life.

Yes it is a fact that some....not all white people see black people, especially men as suspects. Black men remind them of the creepy figures in the dark that is set out to kill them and rape their daughters and wives. Black men seem like a powerful dark force that must be stopped before they get out of control. Like wild animals that must be controlled and contained.

This fear led "the self appointed block caption" to shoot a 17 year old boy armed with a tea and skittles in the chest and kill him. This fear lead this grow man to follow this teenager like he was thief ready to steal at a moments notice.

I just pray that this child life is not in vain and that something good comes out of this bad situation

True Beauty

It’s one of the most important events in your life, people will be looking at you. Millions of people will be critiquing your dress, your hair, your make up and even checking to see if your teeth are white enough. The question is will you go with the trend or will you do your own thang and simply be yourself?

Well Viola Davis decided to be herself and she looked beautiful! She left the wig at home and works her natural hair. Her dress complimented her skin tone, the muscle definition in her arms made it clear that this women really takes care of her body. Her smile was mega watt and you could tell she was at ease and full of grace.

She said she asked her husband what she should do with her hair, he told her to wear it like she does when she was at home. To me that says that he thought she was more beautiful when she was just herself. I loved the look and I know many others like the way she looked as well.
Before you get all upset I don’t have anything against weaves or wigs. I have worn them before and it is a very high chance that I will be wearing a wig or a weave sometime in the near future. However, I always get more compliments when I wear my in its most natural form. As a matter of fact most of the time less is more. The less makeup, the less hair and simply dressed is when I turn more heads.

We have been taught and socialized to think that as women we need a full glamour squad to feel beautiful, when the truth is the beauty is on the inside. A true confidant woman has beauty that spills over from the inside to the outside. And a true man knows real beauty when he sees it!

Black Women In America

Being Black in America has become much easier than it was in my Grandmother and Great-Grandmother days. But it still aint no walk in the park. We have learned to adjust to our surroundings and have made ourselves successful in the direst of situations.

I am the eldest of four children and took on a great deal of the burden in my household by helping raise my siblings. I started babysitting when I was about 9 years old. My mother worked outside the home and on the weekends she needed me to watch the kids. At the time I had two brothers one was 7 and the other was 1. When I was 10 my mother gave birth to my sister so I started watching her too. I was resentful but I knew that this was not an option. I helping my family survive and it simply had to be done. This were I learned that family always comes first. It is expected that sacrifices be made to make things work, no matter how uncomfortable they are.


My father was in and out the home. When he was at home the financial stability her brought to the household was amazing. When daddy was home we had the best of everything. We ate good, we dressed good, we looked good and mama didn’t have to work as hard to make the ends meet. But when daddy left things went back to normal and we back to me and mama co-parenting the kids and keeping the house together. This is where I was taught that as a woman you gotta get your own you can’t depend on a man. Even if a man looks dependable always keep a few dollars hidden so if he leaves you won’t fall off.

I went to college and thought that doors would swing open and people would beg me to work for their organization. Well…..needless to say that didn’t happen. I graduated with my bachelors degree in Business Administration in 1999. I had a few nice jobs but when it lay off time it was like a first in, first out type of deal. I went back to get an Advanced degree because I was drilled that the more educated you were the better your chances of getting that six figure job. Yes I got that degree and got a job after looking for 6 months. However, it took 4 years to make a decent salary.

The Washington Post and Kaiser did research on Black women in America and here are some of the findings.

More than a fifth of black women say being wealthy is very important, one in 20 white women.

Sixty-seven percent of black women describe themselves as having high self-esteem, compared with 43 percent of white women.

Forty percent of black women say they experience frequent stress, compared with 51 percent of white women.

Nearly half of black women fear being a victim of violent crime, compared with about a third of white women.

Forty percent of black women say getting married is very important, compared with 55 percent of white women

63 percent of black women said it is acceptable to have a child without being married, roughly the same percentage as white women.

I can attest to all of those findings I over value being financially sound. My self-esteem is very high because I have trained myself to think that I am beautiful. After years of being down played for my dark skin and kinky hair, I decided f*ck what you heard I am phyne? So yeah I really don’t have a problem with how I look. Stress what can I say about stress.. there is more than enough of it to go around. Its always lurking somewhere. Being a victim of a violent crime is also on my list. I live alone in the city in a pretty big house. It wouldn’t matter if I lived in a tiny apartment. I always feel vulnerable like anyone can just come kick down the door and do whatever if they really wanted to. What can I do to stop them?

As a black woman we have so many titles. Ever heard of them…well here they go
The angry black woman, The strong black woman, The unfeeling black woman, The manless black woman, Welfare Queens, The work horse, The loud and obnoxious black woman, The black bitch and The black woman with an attitude.

I can personally say that people have used a few of those titles to describe me. Strong, bitch, manless and attitude. Normally these titles have been bestowed on me by people who either fear me and my potential to outshine them or they don’t know me.

Finances vs Love

The Post article stated that,
It is an age in which young black women see more options for themselves than ever. They can run a cable network (like Oprah Winfrey), lead a Fortune 500 company (like Xerox’s Ursula Burns), become an international pop icon (like Beyonce). Secretary of State? Condi Rice has been there, done that.
But even in this “age of Michelle Obama,” black women are rethinking the meaning of success and fulfillment. Many are concluding that self-empowerment is the road to happiness, and happiness does not require a mate.
“I can go to school. I can be successful. I can make money. I can have a career. That is in my power to control,” says Towan Isom, 39, who owns a public relations firm in the District. “Finding a husband — that would be great, but that’s not in my power to control.”

I’m going to agree with the sister. Making my coins and building a financially fit and stable life is of great importance to me, finding a soul mate…uh…not so much. Yes I have found someone whom I love and would like to spend the rest of my life with. However, when I met him I was not looking for him and it just never really made a difference to me if I ever got married. Yes there were times when I wanted to have a mate, but I dated pretty frequently and hell getting sexed up was never a problem for me.


As time went on many of my friends started having babies and getting married and I briefly questioned if that was the path the right path, At the time I was 30 unmarried and no children. I was chasing money living from state to state going after the most lucrative job offers. I am 35 now and I am still in the same space. I don’t know if that will change anytime soon.


Some say what is riches without someone to share it with. To that I say now that I found someone who loves me I am happy to grab is hand and walk through life. But I didn’t grow up being told I was a princess and that love would conquer all. All the women in my family worked and obtain financial freedom with the strength of their own minds and hands. I was expected to do the same thing. It’s was laughable to think a man would come along and make my dreams come true and that our love would bring us through the storms. I was taught.. “Girl if you wanna eat steaks, drink fine wines, go on vacation, own a home, drive a nice car and live the life you desire…YOU better make it happen.” And my Grandfather was one of the people that planted those seeds in my head. Did I believe love was possible well….yes. But on a level that I would find a guy he would work and I would work we would build a life together and no one would be 100% for the other person, unless there was a change in circumstances. And that is exactly what I got. However, if he never would have come along I would have been okay with it.
Breaking down stereotypes
Asha Jennings Palmer was quoted in the article said, “black women are too often viewed as flashy, provocative, eye-catching — imagery that makes her cringe. According to the stereotype, African American women — educated women — are b------, and they run men out of their lives

Yes I can most certainly relate to this. Like I said earlier I have been referred to has a bitch and made to feel that my education has cost me the likely hood of marriage. When you are the boss at work and you happen to be black if you ruffle a few feathers you are considered a bitch. Well this concept applies to women in general, However, I think it is just as hard as a black women being educated and salaried in the work place as it is being a regular worker. Some people expect the black woman boss to be an asshole and have an attitude. Of course she is single no man can stand to put up with her. I will call bullshit on that in a minute. I have been playing this corporate game for a minute and I am more educated and knowledgeable than most of my counterparts. Yet I have watch them climb up the ladder with little to no effort.


Interracial Dating

According to a 2010 study by the Pew Research Center that looked at the rates of interracial marriage among newlyweds in 2008, just 9 percent of black women married a spouse of a different race — a rate that was less than half that of black men.
The reasons for the gap between black women’s interest in interracial marriage and their rates of interracial marriage are complex, according to experts who have researched the subject. Studies of online dating, for instance, have shown that black women are less likely than other women to receive messages of interest from men of other races. Researchers attribute that to a social hierarchy that still undervalues them and unflattering stereotypes of black women — loud, aggressive — that remain in the popular culture.

Okay just turn on the television on any music channel and you will see a black beauty shaking and gyrating like her life depended on it. The black music industry idolizes a big black ass. It makes it seems as if all you need to stay laced with the best is big ole fat ass! Black women are more than likely the bread winner in their household. Most of us have babies with no daddy in sight. If you look at VH1 and Bravo and see Basket Ball Wives (most of which are not wives), The Real House Wives of Atlanta (most are not wives), Love and Basketball. If this is your only contact with black women personally ( which for a great deal of white folks it is) your likely to think very low of black women. In the show we come off as putting materialistic possessions before our self respect, our kids and any other value we are suppose to have. Not to mention that it shows that we cannot handle conflict and fight at a drop of a dime.
Okay we have Oprah, Beyonce, Michelle Obama and Condi Rice but they are marketed to the world like a freak accident. Like they some type of exception and a true rarity. Are they rare? The answer to that is HELL NO. Black women have been making things happen and doing amazing things since we graced the earth. No our accomplishments are not spread across the media lines. We normally don’t get kudos for our efforts, but rest assured there are plenty of fabulous black women, some work at the school serving lunches, some work in factories, others are stay at home moms, and plenty work at fortune 500 companies.

Let’s just say being a black woman in American is very complex. I will be glad when people stop analyzing us like we’re some type of abnormal species. We are an ever evolving group of people. It is really hard to categorize us, and I wish they will stop with their (mainstream white America) attempt.

Friends and Your Business.. Does the Two Mix?

So I’m at my friend house picking a drill I let her borrow. I sit down for a minute and we start talking. I start venting about some issues that I am having with my man. She responds by saying, “ Yeah I was telling Aunt Annie about you and your guy and she says she don’t know why you put up with it.”

First of all I only met her Aunt Annie twice and the lady has to be at least 60+ years old. Of course I’m looking her upside her damn head trying to figure out why the hell is her and her Aunt discussing my personal business. I mean at least why the f*ck you sitting up here telling me that you shared my business with a woman a barely even know? Clearly she doesn’t know when to shut the hell up!

She still sitting up there talking and I’m calling her all kind of four and five letter words in my head. So at the moment I decide that I will be very conscience who I share my issues with. People quick to tell your business and keep their shit extra secret.

So the moral to that story is every friend can’t handle knowing your business. Especially if they think your situation is more messed up than their situation so be careful who you share with….I know I will be.


Same friend different scenario. She is without a vehicle at the time and her boyfriend’s car has broken down. I don’t mind helping out my friend and her kid…. but I do mind helping the guy out because I am not his friend. So the other day we out to dinner and on the way back to her house she ask if I can drop her boyfriend off to work. Mind you he calling all through dinner asking her to ask me to take him to work. Okay so I give her the side eye and I say okay. She paid for dinner so I taking her guy to working was just semi irritating.

A few days later I went back to get the drill and on my way out the door I catch him mumbling something and making gestures with his head towards the door. She comes outside and asked if I have anything planned because her and her guy wanted to go out on a day. I let her know I have plans for the evening so that was not possible. I walked away thinking what the hell is wrong with her. If the ninja wanted to take her out he should have asked one of his friends to borrow their car and NOT told her to hit up one of her friends.

Then yesterday I was going to the store and thought she may need a few things too. I called her up and asked if she wanted to ride to the store while I was going. She said she needed to get a few things. I get to the house to pick her up and who comes to ride with her……you got it the boyfriend. I’m like why is he going I have a small car and he is a big dude he just taking up space and really there was just no need to go. So I’m looking all crazy in the face when he gets in. So I am debating if I should tell her that I do not mind helping getting her where she needs to go until she gets on her feet… but I do not want to be hauling around her man too. I don’t know it just rubs me the wrong way. I doesn’t seem manly to me. What are your thoughts?