The Lost of Homocide

Losing a loved one to a homicide is different that losing someone to regular death. See a homicide seems personal it feels like a direct attack against you personally. After reading about the little boy named Derrion Albert that was beaten to death in Chicago, it brought up feelings I had about my own brother. My brother name was John and he was murdered July 16th 2003.

As I look at the picture of Derrion sister crying because the death of her brother that familiar pain rises to the surface. It’s a pain that is almost indescribable… imagine having open heart surgery with no anesthesia, now multiply that pain times 10. Yeah that is about it that is exactly how it feels. My brother was shot in the head and left dead in his vehicle. That day my Aunt kept calling me saying that a detective kept calling her saying she needed to get to the police station because John was in trouble. My Aunt asked if I would go get him but I told her that I had to visit my nephew in the hospital and since they called her she should go. When my Aunt got downtown to speak with the detective he told her that John was found shot in the head and he needed her to identify his body.

Shortly after she came from the corners office I stopped by her house to see what kind of trouble my brother had got into. As soon as I got into the door she said “John is dead” I could tell by her tone she was telling the truth. I lost it… I felt a numerous emotions hit me all at the same time. I was so hurt I could not talk for days. I just kept waiting for someone to tell me that they were playing a joke on me. I was grieving so hard yet I could not share what was going on with my closest friends because I could not talk about it. I just slept for 6 days until the day of the funeral.

The day of the funeral was really hard for me and I tried not to go but my family insisted that I attend. I felt like I was slowly going crazy and seeing his stiff dead body lying in a coffin would send me right over the edge. I never looked at my brother in the coffin. I left before the viewing for the sake of my sanity. At night I would cry because my brother died alone with no one he loved around him.

The grieving process for homicide victims can be hard. It took me almost 3 years before I did not cry everyday. I was close to my brother and it felt like half of me died when he left and I could not imagine living in this world without him being in it.

As I read Derrion story my heart broke. I immediately recognized the lost look in his sister’s eyes and the pain in his grandfather’s voice. As I watched the video of the gang members hitting him in the head with a rail road tie and jumping up and down on his skull I cringed. This honor roll student was being beat to death because he was simply at the wrong place at the wrong time. He was not a gang member just an innocent bystander walking down the street when violence erupts and he gets caught in the crossfire.

The police have captured his killers and they are four young men between the ages of 16 and 19. They are being charged with 1st degree murder. Because the crime was captured on video I am sure they will be given lengthy sentences. When they took Derrion’s life they took their own as well. Life as they know it will never be the same. Some will be lucky if they get out by the time they are 36 years old.

Y’all I am so affected by homicide I cant even watch too much of shows like The First 48 or Crime 360. That type of stuff just gets into my spirit and I become overwhelmed. I feel like murder is being sensationalized and I don’t want be apart of that. I’ll save that topic for later.

The greatest commandment of all is to LOVE one another, we humans seem to have a hard time fulfilling that one.

Really…………Was That Necessary?

I know I have been M.I.A. for a minute…mostly because I haven’t had anything to say. But not having a wireless connection in my home could also lessen my post. But today I have something I want to discuss and that is President Obama’s speech on health care. Yes I know I have been talking about this for a minute but this is an issue near and dear to my heart. It is my desire for everyone in the USA to have sufficient healthcare… not mediocre or substandard coverage but the same coverage afforded to Donald Trump should be given to Joe “The Crack Head” Robinson.

I eagerly listened to the President outline his intent for the healthcare plan. I was satisfied with what I heard and felt confident that Obama could deliver the results he promised. Then as he stated that illegal immigrants will not be covered under the plan Rep. Joe Wilson, a little-known Republican from South Carolina, shouted “You Lie.” Look how Barack , Nancy and Joe looks at him… you can tell that the Prez gone get in that ass later, but his trying to keep his composure.

My question is why die the man feel he could disrespect the President in that manner. His comments were out of line and not warranted. Now when Lil Wubbayou was up there lying about weapons of mass destructions in was quiet…..when people found out he really lied… it was quiet. Now that the BLACK man is running thangs those red necks wanna start shouting across the room and forgetting that there is a certain protocol when addressing the President of the United States. I felt like the man was trying to pull the President’s pull a whore cord (you gotta be old school to know what the mean). In other words he was hoping the President would not challenge him. But once he got that ice grill he knew he better shut the fuck up and issue an apology as soon as he left the building.

Look I stand behind my President on this issue. If you have money and great insurance…good for you. But there are millions of people without insurance who need this plan to work. I understand that people want to research the issue and make sure that it fits the needs of the citizens and that is fine. However, procrastination will only make this thing boil over more. We need to do something…doing nothing is not an option. I am following this issue like my life depended on it and hope the Obama does not back down and keep being the voice for the small disenfranchised people.

OK Corral or Town Hall Meeting

Hey People,

Sorry I’ve been MIA for awhile, but hey life happens………right? Anywhoo, have you been keeping up with all these angry town hall meetings? Chile “them people” really showing their asses. I could have sworn that I lived in a democratic country…we are suppose to agree to disagree. But nooooooooooo we acting like we are a third world country, were shouting, screaming, fighting, spitting and making racist threats towards one another.

Recently Claire McCaskill (whom I voted for) held a town hall meeting for health care here in Missouri. Honey…. it got u.g.l.y. “them folks” were clowning. Some people chose to show love for our Prez by displaying Obama stickers on their vehicles or wearing Obama gear. A few ignorant red necks decided to shout “Obama Lover” as these people passed by.

And although there was a sign posted on the door that prohibited posters or signs in the meeting a sista decided it would be a good a deal to being a poster of Rosa Parks. What the hell Rosa Parks have to do with healthcare….I do not know. When she walked in with the poster she was booed and cursed at so she rolled up the signed and placed it at her feet. Then this happy go lucky journalist decided to ask her to display the sign. This caused all hell to break loose….a white man snatched the sign from the woman saying “Didn’t we tell you to put that got damn sign up.” The black lady and her friend were asked to leave the meeting and the white man was escorted to the lobby.

I was not at the meeting so I will not claim racial bias but what I will claim is elitism. Why the haves don’t want the have nots to have health care. I make a decent salary no where near rich or well to do…but I would be willing to get taxed to ensure that everyone gets the healthcare they deserve. Other countries are looking at America like we are fools, but we are known for being a bullies now these conservative bastards are trying to prevent universal healthcare. Man have you seen some of these people at the meetings? They look like they don’t have health insurance either, some are missing teeth, frail and look plain sickly.

And what they are doing to Obama man they are slaughtering him. Look at how they are portraying him in pictures. Really ……………the joker….hitler….. and a liar.

Bish Please

I know this story is a bit dated but I had to comment on it. Okay we all understand that Mechelle (Chelle) McNair is a bit pissy that her husband was killed by his mistress that then went on to off herself. I would be pissed too if I found out my man been out co-signing for Escalades and shit, taking a bish on trips, and chilling in a condo I knew nothing about with another woman. Oh hell yea I would be ready to chop that nicca head off and serve it to his mama on a silver platter…..he’d better be lucky he already dead !


So trust me Chelle when I tell you I understand that part of your frustration. But ummmm you wrong for not putting that man other kids down as heirs to his estate. Bish you wrong as two left shoes. How the hell you gone say some shit like you can’t confirm if the two eldest kids were actually your husband’s. Now that’s some bullshit if I’ve every heard any in my life. Did your man take care of these kids…..did he pay child support….were they ever over the house…..did they go on vacation with yall….did he ever refer to the children as “my sons” ? If you answered yes to any of those questions you know damn well those were that man kids. And just because you all pissy cuz you got humiliated in front of a world wide audience does not give you the right to take them babies inheritance.


But before you get all geeked up on buying you another house or some other crap get ready for a battle. Baby Mama’s (BM) do not play. I bet in the next 4-6 months yo azz gone be up in court explaining your actions to a judge. Quit being greedy bish! If that man considered those kids his then so be it. There are two types of money that never last long, that is income tax checks and inheritance money. Most of the time people fly through that type of money like water.

Chelle quit acting stupidly (as Pres Obama says) and do the right thing.

Why People Hating On Universal Health Care?

And what insurance will you be using for your visit? This is the question that I am asked every time I go to a new doctor’s office. Most of them assume that due to the excessive amounts charged by doctors and pharmaceutical companies no one in their right mind would be paying out of pocket for health care coverage.

Thankfully Blue Cross and Blue Shield make sure I stay healthy and keep regular doctor visits. However, there was a time then I did not have health insurance. I remember when I was between jobs and my tooth began to really give me trouble. My tooth hurt so bad it would keep me up at night, ambesol was kept on my person at all times. The pain was so sever I was often left weeping in my bed praying for the pain to stop. Well my Aunt asked if I wanted to use her insurance card to get my tooth pulled, I agreed immediately. Never mind that I was born in 1975 and my Aunt was born in 1950! When the dentist asked me about the discrepancy in the birth year I played it off like my employer was aware and was in the process of getting that taken care of. Man ……… I felt like a new woman once that tooth was out of my head. Yeah I knew it was basically insurance fraud, but no dentist would see me without insurance and I did not have the money to pay for it out of pocket, so what was I suppose to do?

I think all Americans should sacrifice if it means that everyone can have medical insurance. Medical insurance should be a civil liberty, a basic right. Unfortunately, we have allowed doctors and pharmaceutical companies to put a price on life. The United States has the most expensive health care in the world. I’ve watch several family members and friends try to cope without heath insurance. Many use the emergency room as a doctor’s office and often find out about life threatening illness too late.

I understand wealthy Americans want more information on Obama’s universal health plan. Wealthy Americans will be taxed higher as one revenue stream for the plan; I would want as much information as possible too! However, most wealthy Americans have great health benefits and access to top doctors. It’s hard to worry about something when it does not affect you…………but if it affects your money people are all ears.


One of the reasons I voted for Obama was his health care initiative. We must place a higher value on life than on money. Face it, we (the insured) end up paying higher premiums because all the funds the goes uncollected by the uninsured. So since we are paying for it anyway let’s just figure a way that allows everyone coverage.

Lets put life above capitalism

Black Harvard Professer Arrested

Yesterday I was listening to Tell Me More on NPR and heard that a Black Harvard Professor was arrested for unruly conduct in own home. It basically we down like this

Henry Louis "Skip" Gates Jr. a renowned scholar and Harvard professor returned from a research trip to China to find the front door to his Cambridge Harvard-owned house jammed and enlisted the assistance of his driver to muscle the door loose. Once in the home Gates turned off his security alarmed and called the leasing office to advise them of the jammed door. By the time Gates was on the phone with his leasing company, a white policeman had arrived, summoned by a neighbor who spotted two black men looking as if they were unlawfully breaking into the house. The police came into the home and asked Gates why he was in the home and he explained that he lived in the home. The office requested that Gates produce identification. Mr. Gates produced a driver licenses and his Harvard ID which displayed the address in question. The officer continued to question Professor Gates which caused Gates to get slightly aggravated, and led to him ask the office for his badge number and name. The officer refused to provide his information and asked Gates to step outside. Once outside Professor Gates continued to request the information and questioned the officer still being on the property after providing sufficient identification. The officer arrested Gates on disorderly conduct charges and he was jailed for four hours.


Y’all may remember Professor Gates he was on PBS tracing all the celebrities (Oprah, Morgan Freeman, Denzel Washington and many others) ancestors to Africa. This man is financially secure and educated yet his neighbor called in saying that they witness two black men breaking into the home. Did I mention the driver had on a suit and tie and carried in the luggage once the door was open? Let’s not forget the man lived at this location for several years and his neighbor STILL called the police and said two black men were breaking in a house. This type of shit infuriates me; this is totally ludicrous and stupid. Sometimes people take things too far and don’t know when to stop. I am mad at the cop but I’m resentful and angry at the neighbor. I can not claim that the neighbor knew Mr. Gates but I can tell you that most burglars don’t were suits and kaki pants when robbing a spot. They generally don’t bring luggage with them and don’t stick around to turn off the alarm.

Times like this I wish we had followed the advice of Marcus Garvey and went back to Africa. I am not foolish enough to believe all White people are racist however; it gets tiring trying to fit into the mold and personality that make White people feel safe. It is kinda like walking around in black face and tap dancing. Like being the only black in the rat pack and claiming to be a black Jew, almost on the verge of being satirical.
The charges have been dropped against Gates, but I am certain if he ever thought he ascended beyond his black counterparts he realize he is just a black man………..watch out Obama.

DWB

Missouri is a very racially polarized state. I have lived in St. Louis for most of my life and racism has become apart of my everyday life. I am not saying that every white person in Missouri is a racist but what I am saying is that there is white privilege given to Caucasians. For those of you that live outside of the Midwest you may think that Missouri is comprised of rural land, cows, farmers and a bunch of red necks and colored folks. Well you would be partly right….but not completely accurate. St. Louis is the gateway to the West and is very hip, urban, up and coming town. After spending a year in Los Angeles I love paying a mortgage of 699.45, which is less than half of the rent of my LA apartment! I love that I can fill up my car for less than 30.00 dollars and everything is less than 20 minutes away.

However, Missourians carry their race card in their back pockets. We have quite a few closet racist in our town. Although they won’t verbally admit to this heinous thought, their actions shows what they really feel.

For instance driving while black is very real in Missouri. Black drivers in the state are 67 percent more likely to be pulled over than white drivers. Blacks are the only racial group in Missouri pulled over by police at a rate higher than their percentage of population in the state. This information was found in a report on vehicle stops released by the attorney general’s office Monday. I have been back for less than two years and I have been pulled over 4 times! I was only guilty once out of those stops. It’s so bad that last month my cousin got pulled over in the driveway of his home.

It’s sickening to me that it is acceptable to do this to my people. Last week I took my little sister to court in a predominately white side of town (Des Peres), the median income for a family in this area is $96,433. The racial makeup of the city is 96.55% White, 0.79% African American, 0.19% Native American, 1.83% Asian, 0.03% Pacific Islander, 0.15% from other races, and 0.45% from two or more races. Hispanic or Latino of any race is 0.83% of the population.

In spite of the racial make up of the city 90% of the people in court were black. Yes a town that is comprised of 96.55% of White people have an overwhelming amount of blacks in court. Most of the black people were stopped by traffic cops and few were caught stealing from the mall. Basically they ignore all the White people stealing from the mall and driving with expired tags and focus primarily on black people. Of course they may be wondering why a black person would be in the neighborhood and randomly run the plates or assume that most blacks in the mall are stealing.

When the traffic report was placed online one of the white commenter’s wrote the following statement:
“Blacks are disproportionately stopped by police, but they also make up a disproportionate number of those living in a lower economic status. This comes into play when discussing traffic stops for non-moving violations like improper registration or equipment defects. Poorer people may neglect to get their vehicle properly registered or fix an equipment defect, because they may not be able to afford to or they have other ‘priorities.’ People who are responsible, and who have the means, will get their cars registered and fix problems.”

When he said “People who are responsible”………I take that to mean White people. I also feel that many of the cities count on black people to subsidize their budget through traffic stops. I can not tell you the countless times that I’ve heard friends and family comment on how police just ride behind them and run their plates hoping to see a warrant or something illegal about the vehicle. There is also an entire industry devoted to these traffic stops….traffic lawyers. The will make that speeding ticket become a parking ticket for the low low price of $65.00 , plus court fees in addition to the cost of ticket. Of course you don’t want your insurance rate to skyrocket and you don’t want to have points on your license so you go to the traffic lawyers and pay them to “take care” of your ticket.

Sometimes it can be very frustrating but I can’t get Al Sharpton to come down and hold a rally. But I am tired of singing we shall overcome