Coupledom Is Crazy

I used to envy my married friends. I always wanted a person that I can count on and come home to everyday. I wanted a person in my life that knew me inside and out, a person that really loved the very essence of me. A man that I could fall asleep in his arms every night and we can pay our bills together and go on exotic vacations with one another. I would be able to tell him my darkest secrets and it wouldn’t faze him in the least. He would also share things with me as well. I would be his rock and he would be mine. In my fantasy world this was what a marriage was all about. Well now that am damn near knee deep in the almost married life I can’t lie and say that there are times that I want to escape in the middle of the night like a slave. Never did my fantasy include unemployment, the high price of gas and food, the fact that everything is not always 50/50. There are times when I’ve looked at my man and wondered if he was retarded…….FOR REAL. Sometimes he says and does some of the stupidest shit and my stomach feels like it’s in knots and I wanna scream you’re on your own partner! When you have been single for most of your adult life or not in a really serious relationship for years it is hard to constantly consider the partner in your life. When you’re used to flying solo it is hard to listen to the back seat driver that won’t shut the hell up. Trust me I love the guy I really do , but it is not always peaches and cream. It’s really hard work, walking away seems like a vacation sometimes. I knew it was going to be a challenge with him relocating in this rough economy but I never knew that I would feel like I was on a see-saw. There are times when I am at work and I can’t wait to get home to him. Then there are times when I can’t wait to leave the house and have a good stiff drink with my girls……FAR AWAY from him. It’s not about the money at all it’s more about the lack of space and me time that I have. I find that I have to schedule time with my friends because I have to now consider what he wants to do. I have to give him time or he will have a fit. Now I have to suffer through the man shows like Pawn Shop shows, those locked up shows that come on MSMBC, storage wars, alligator catchers, shark catchers, and nick at night. I have to shut myself in the other room to watch Lifetime, HGTV, VH1 and all the rest of my dramas. Then there is the cooking. The man eats like a beast. Food can last me awhile, but this brother eats like he has a tape worm growing in his tummy. I am often left looking at him like he is crazy when he gets a second plate. I know it sounds crazy but it’s just irritating. LOL is this normal?

Hello..... Its been a minute

Oh my goodness its been awhile since we last spoke. Ya girl has been so busy it has been hard to post on a daily basis. I'm still in graduate school and it is so much harder than the last time I was in school. It takes a great deal of brain power to get to the finish line. Today I was tired when the professor asked me a question I just said, " I don't know". I didn't feel like pretending like I knew something I didn't. Luckily for me he moved on to the next person. Then my fiance has officially moved to St. Louis . What more can I say....this man has turned my quiet life upside down. I now have to remember that I am in a full fledged relationship,no longer is he all the way out in LA and I can hang out with my girls all the time. Homeboy want ALL of my attention and I must admit it is exhausting. I forgot how much men expect sex... honestly I be too tired to do it every day. Then there is the job. While I am grateful for my job saying it sucks just doesn't give it justice. I don't totally hate my job but I truly wish I was doing something more productive, fun and different. It always seems like its management vs workers, it can truly be a hostile environment at times. When I leave I am stressed the hell out. My wedding plans have been put on hold until we are in a better financial position. At first I was mad then I thought how the hell can I be mad when money is the issue and I don't have enough to have the kind of shindig I want. Mama and Daddy aint helping either so we will wait. My life seems so full right now that I barely have time to sleep. But life is good even with all the problems and issues... life is still pretty good. Look forward to post picking back up soon. I just wanted to say hello to you all.

Student Loan Debt Bomb

I have been hearing so much about student loans lately and all the negative aspects of a weak job market. I have a ton of student loans and I must admit I am super nervous about my repayment options. Right now I could not afford to repay what I actually owe. I was hoping to obtain a great job that pays more money than I currently make. Of course this is merely a hope and not quite based in the real reality of the current job market. I had my first interview for an entry level position in my field of Finance, I never heard back. I thought it was a bit rude, but I was told this was the new normal in job searching. Companies are not even bothering with the………..thanks but no thanks type of deal. Well many students are facing this every day. They spent a ton of money getting that fancy pants degree and now it seems to be just a piece of paper hanging in a nice frame next to your high school graduation photo on your mama’s wall. Many finance experts say the next financial explosion will come from the massive amount of student debt that has been financed by the government. Many predict that if the job market does not improve that the government will see a massive amount of student loan defaults. It will not be very long before the government has provided 1 trillion dollars in student loans. Experts say this default could be worse than the housing bubble. But what are students suppose to do. I was listening to NPR and they asked the question “Why so many people with PHD’s are on food stamps?” http://www.npr.org/2012/05/15/152751116/why-so-many-ph-d-s-are-on-food-stamps?ps=cprs

My guess is the same reason Lakeysia down the block is on food stamps………….THEY ARE BROKE and still need to eat. Now mainstream media want to focus on poverty and debt, when it was a minority issue it was not a problem. But guess what…………bad credit, payday loans, cash for gold, disconnection notices, EBT cards, unemployment checks and Medicaid has shown up on the white side of town. Now it is an official got-damn problem. Actually one guy blamed poor folks for this dilemma, he stated that poor people have started getting degrees in massive numbers and that is the reason for tall the student loan debt. While that may be true, poor people were lead to believe if they got an education it would be worth the investment to get the loans. But we did not anticipate being in a recession for years. Currently student loans have to be repaid… if not there are consequences and repercussions. The government can garnish your wages, put a lien on your home, take your income tax check, and ruin your credit. I do believe this will be a situation that the American people will have to deal with at some point.

War On Women 2012

I was watching CNN (not sure of the show just turned on the TV) and the host was saying that Romney gets the pulse of women from his wife Ann. Apparently Ann told him that right now women are mostly concerned with jobs for their children as well as jobs for themselves. Ann told her husband that the economy is women's greatest concern right now.

Democratic strategist Hilary Rosen then said what does Ann know about what working women are concerned with when she never worked a day in her life. Hilary stated that Ann has no idea what it is like to be an average everyday woman going to work and trying to figure out how she is going to feed her kids and pay the mortgage. She did not think it was a good idea for Ann to be advising her husband on women issue when she could only come for the point of a rich housewife.

I must agree with both Hilary and Ann. Yes if you are a working woman you are greatly concerned about the economy. But I also agree with Hilary, Ann don't know shit about a working woman's struggle. But that is not to demean what a stay at home Mom does. I know that a stay at home Mom sacrifice her ambition to be a Mom. I know that her contribution to the home mostly goes unnoticed and that she receives not pay for her work.

But the real part of me says if your man makes enough money for you to stay at home then you are not that damn financially strapped. I live and work around people who are struggling to survive. I see people trying to keep their home, trying to keep the repo man off their cars, trying to figure out how the hell they gonna get their kids to college without coming out with massive debt. Most of the Moms I know are single and Ann sure as hell cant tell their story.

Right now Americans want this damn economy fixed and we don't give a fuck who fix it. I personally want to see Obama do a second term but I admit I was a bit taken back when the democrats tried to distance themselves from Hilary Rosen. They starting to act all shy again. Yes women voters are a big part of the pie and no one wants to offend them. But the truth is the truth and aint no backing down from the truth

Becky Is Getting On My Muthaf%$##$ Nerves

When I say Becky I am generally referring to White women. I am not generalizing all White women because many of them are ambitious hard working women. But the few that try to ride other people coat tails to the top get on my damn nerves.

I am working on team project and it counts as 60% of the total grade for the class. I am in the group with two other people. We orginally started with five people but the other two decided to drop the class.

So this is a huge project and requires a great deal of hard work, time and comittment from the group. The other two people in the group are white. I have become used to being the only black in a social, work and schoolistic setting.

The first week we met up and divided up the work for the project. I noticed that Becky took the simpilest easist part of the project. But I thought she was going really go hard and put a lot more into it since me and the other guy had a majority of the project.

The second week of the project we brought back our work to see what we had so far and to see if we could be of any assistance to each other. I had 5 pages of solid work, the guy in the group had tons of his work completed. Becky showed up with one page of bullshit!

Then she starts acting all flirty with the guy in the group and he tells her since he is almost done his part he could help her with her part. I'm like really WTF, this bitch aint did shit but showed up with a few words on a piece of paper.

The same type of shit be occuring on the job. Becky's start acting all ambitious and shit and when it is really time to do some work, they start looking for a more experinced person to do the real hard work. Then of course after that they got the nerve to want to take full credit for the the shit.

Like I said this does not apply to all White women, some come to play and come to win. I know laziness can come in many shades, and is not exclusive to white women. But when you see White women passing you up no matter how much education you have. You see managment prefer they be the spokesperson the company.

People tend to believe them first before making them prove themselves. Whereas I have to prove I am smart, intelligent and worthy of a fair shot. And in many cases I have found that the Becky winds up hating me because they assumed I was an easy target and they were the smarter one.

I am just letting off steam because I am working on this damn project and Becky just texted that she could not show up. I could strangle that heifer right about now.

Finances

Merging two lives together is no joke. I am a planner and a saver. Yes I spend money on frivolous things but I really like to make sure my bills are paid first. However, my man is the total opposite. He likes to stay looking good and fly but likes to pay his bills last.

This is not an attractive trait. Actually its a freaking turn off to me. How the hell you wanna stay looking fly and your lights about to be turned off? We have had so many fights about money that its not even funny. He thinks Im a tight wad who plans like Im about to retire or die tomorrow. I believe in putting insurance on everything and contributing to my 401k.

Im sure he has never thought of his 401k and saving is not even in his vocabulary. The man is trying to turn me into him. He ask why I dont spoil myself, why I dont have a Coach purse, Why I dont pay 100's of dollar for tennis shoes, why I drunk before I go to the club. I look at him like he a plum damn fool. Most of the time I say ninja Imma be rich while yo broke azz go be begging me for cash.

I understand the live for the day mentality but I dont know if I can get past his negligence with money

Can You Imagine

So the cause of Whitney Houston's death as been ruled as an accidental drowning. They found cocaine and Xanax in her system along with heart disease. This is really not breaking news to many of Whitney's fans. We hoped that they did not find drugs in her system but privately we knew it could be a possibility.

In Whitney I saw some of my own family members, fighting for their life back. Trying to break free of demon that just seems to haunt them and stick to them like glue. I have a few close family members that had a private battle with crack cocaine. But at least they had anonymity on their side. They could fight the battle at their own pace, but Whitney did not have that privilege.

Can you imagine the whole world knowing your weakness and it being played out in the media? Imagine your worst day being exposed to the world to see and to judge. Imagine trying your best and failing over and over again all while people watch. That would be hard to take, but our celebrities deal with this daily.

Now imagine being Bobbi Kristina and losing your mama while the world looks on and show you pity. They follow you around and judge you just like they did your mama. People that claimed to be her friends took pictures of Whitney in her casket! The woman could not live in peace nor could she die in peace.


While the money is great it almost seems like a miserable life doesn't it.